WEBVTT 00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:06.260 We're ready to get started. 00:00:06.880 --> 00:00:07.380 Okay. 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:14.500 So, welcome everybody for our this is our second, IPS Global Lecture Series. 00:00:15.495 --> 00:00:26.315 We began in the fall just trying to build a little bit more of an online community and just giving exposure to people in the workplace in different settings. 00:00:27.030 --> 00:00:33.930 So, I'm very, very excited to have doctor almost doctor Barbosa, Jessica Barbosa, speak with us tonight. 00:00:34.470 --> 00:00:38.570 She is a marriage and family therapist in Austin, right, Austin, Texas. 00:00:39.185 --> 00:00:42.145 And, I love I was looking at her website. 00:00:42.385 --> 00:00:48.645 I think your private practice called Divine Mercy Counseling, which fits so very well with being at Divine Mercy University. 00:00:49.665 --> 00:00:51.690 It's just a coincidence, but I love it. 00:00:53.610 --> 00:01:17.165 She has done research in marriage and family work, especially looking at family resilience and grief, looking at families who are facing loss, who are facing, you know, hard times, and looking at meaning making and looking at processes to help strengthen the family overcome, this window of grief. 00:01:17.225 --> 00:01:17.725 Right? 00:01:18.185 --> 00:01:22.810 So, she will teach for us in spring two. 00:01:22.950 --> 00:01:28.330 So if you are, choosing that elective, she'll teach our marriage and family systems course. 00:01:28.710 --> 00:01:38.085 So we are very, very excited to have her, and I'm really looking forward to having you speak to us tonight about the topic that you're doing your research in. 00:01:38.085 --> 00:01:38.905 So welcome. 00:01:40.165 --> 00:01:41.125 Thank you, Julia. 00:01:41.125 --> 00:01:42.325 Thank you, doctor Classley. 00:01:42.325 --> 00:01:43.605 I'm glad to be here. 00:01:43.605 --> 00:01:44.345 So excited. 00:01:45.605 --> 00:01:46.485 You saw me get up. 00:01:46.485 --> 00:01:47.785 I'm also very pregnant. 00:01:47.845 --> 00:01:54.620 So if you, anyway, so I will do the best I can to not be fidgety, and she moves around a lot. 00:01:54.620 --> 00:01:59.900 And, I'll try to to And it fits perfectly with the marriage and family track. 00:01:59.900 --> 00:02:00.720 So wonderful. 00:02:01.420 --> 00:02:01.900 Love it. 00:02:01.900 --> 00:02:02.685 That's right. 00:02:04.365 --> 00:02:04.605 Okay. 00:02:04.605 --> 00:02:11.325 So I do have a couple of times where we will I'll ask a question. 00:02:11.325 --> 00:02:17.505 So feel free to just kinda put your answers in the chat, and we'll, see how that goes. 00:02:17.630 --> 00:02:20.690 Hopefully, that's a more engaging way to to present. 00:02:22.110 --> 00:02:22.430 Alright. 00:02:22.430 --> 00:02:23.070 Let me see. 00:02:23.070 --> 00:02:24.530 I'm gonna share my screen. 00:02:25.150 --> 00:02:29.890 I have a little bit of a presentation tonight just to help us follow along together. 00:02:30.190 --> 00:02:37.235 And I like to use closed captioning, just for, you know, those who need it. 00:02:38.655 --> 00:02:39.135 Okay. 00:02:39.135 --> 00:02:45.870 So I know this will also be recorded, so I think closed captioning is helpful for those who are going to be watching the recording of this. 00:02:46.990 --> 00:02:47.950 So as Doctor. 00:02:47.950 --> 00:02:50.530 Closley mentioned, my name is Jessica Barbosa. 00:02:50.670 --> 00:02:53.890 I am a marriage and family therapist licensed in the state of Texas. 00:02:55.150 --> 00:03:10.105 And my research focuses a lot on how do we help families grow together in spaces of adversity and transitional phases of their, of their family life cycle. 00:03:10.245 --> 00:03:16.830 And one of those transitional phases is, with the death of a family member and which brings up a lot of grief. 00:03:16.830 --> 00:03:19.570 So that's what we're going to talk specifically about today. 00:03:21.790 --> 00:03:28.210 So first, my big question to you guys is, when I say the word resilience, what does that mean to you? 00:03:28.655 --> 00:03:33.235 So feel free to think about that for a minute and then put your answers in the chat. 00:03:35.855 --> 00:03:38.495 So I do you want to maybe read out what's in the chat? 00:03:38.495 --> 00:03:41.875 So what somebody's saying the ability to adapt. 00:03:42.760 --> 00:03:43.260 Yes. 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:44.780 Growth. 00:03:44.920 --> 00:03:45.740 Love it. 00:03:45.880 --> 00:03:46.280 Yes. 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:58.125 Resilience means the ability to overcome, getting back up, inner strength, ability to persevere, to be able to bounce back from adversity, ability to bounce back from adversity or that twice. 00:03:58.605 --> 00:04:02.545 Overcome adversity, ability to persevere through difficult situations. 00:04:03.085 --> 00:04:03.485 Yeah. 00:04:03.485 --> 00:04:04.785 Adjust with strength. 00:04:04.925 --> 00:04:05.665 Very good. 00:04:06.525 --> 00:04:07.165 So Yes. 00:04:07.325 --> 00:04:08.205 Thank you, everybody. 00:04:08.205 --> 00:04:08.705 Wonderful. 00:04:08.765 --> 00:04:09.565 Oh, wonderful. 00:04:09.565 --> 00:04:11.205 That's a lot of really great work. 00:04:11.405 --> 00:04:11.805 Going. 00:04:11.805 --> 00:04:12.445 There's one more. 00:04:12.445 --> 00:04:13.345 Keeping going. 00:04:13.430 --> 00:04:13.750 Love it. 00:04:13.830 --> 00:04:14.230 Going. 00:04:14.230 --> 00:04:15.030 Keeping going. 00:04:15.030 --> 00:04:22.470 So some of us are talking about adapting, right, that that requires some, some change on our part. 00:04:22.470 --> 00:04:36.255 Some of us are talking also about, maybe overcoming or withstanding, right, which means that we're kind of a force that faces adversity, and we try to kind of maintain what we already are. 00:04:36.255 --> 00:04:42.850 So there's there's kind of resilience, is this as a concept. 00:04:43.310 --> 00:04:51.330 We think about it as both a transformation, but also as, a staying stable. 00:04:51.470 --> 00:04:51.790 Right? 00:04:51.790 --> 00:04:55.790 It's a it's a stability and a transformation at the same time. 00:04:55.790 --> 00:04:56.290 Right? 00:04:57.535 --> 00:05:03.135 And especially when you think about individual resilience, I think so many of the words that you guys use tend to be what people say. 00:05:03.135 --> 00:05:06.015 So it kind of created this little word cloud for us. 00:05:06.015 --> 00:05:15.900 But a lot of these words are the same words that you guys use, withstanding, overcoming, facing challenges, adapting, a willingness to learn, perseverance. 00:05:17.000 --> 00:05:29.965 So so when we talk about individual resilience, what are some of the barriers to this stability and transformation that we're trying to achieve as we face adversity? 00:05:30.025 --> 00:05:32.925 What are some barriers to individual resilience? 00:05:34.665 --> 00:05:37.965 This is also open ended, so feel free to put your answers in the chat. 00:05:40.120 --> 00:05:58.285 And I will read again when it says traumatic memories is one area, fear of change, loss of security and control, personality, lack of personal skills and resources, not enough self awareness, unable to accept what happened. 00:06:00.025 --> 00:06:00.525 Yes. 00:06:00.745 --> 00:06:01.245 Yes. 00:06:01.305 --> 00:06:09.560 Lack of family support, fear, negativity, pessimism, lack of supportive relationships, compassion, fatigue. 00:06:10.580 --> 00:06:11.460 Thank you, everybody. 00:06:11.460 --> 00:06:12.100 Great answers. 00:06:12.100 --> 00:06:12.500 Wow. 00:06:12.500 --> 00:06:14.200 Those are all good answers. 00:06:14.580 --> 00:06:19.335 I have a shorter list, which I hope, encompasses a lot of what you guys have said. 00:06:19.335 --> 00:06:33.290 So one of the big ones that we found in individual resilience research is a low self efficacy, which means, a lack of confidence in my own abilities to control my behavior and control my circumstances. 00:06:34.070 --> 00:06:43.370 And so I have a low self efficacy, a low confidence in my ability to, to regulate myself or to manage things. 00:06:45.125 --> 00:06:52.345 The other one is an external locus of control, which is similar to low self efficacy, but a little bit different. 00:06:52.405 --> 00:07:00.560 An external locus of control is that I believe that things happen to me, and I don't have much control over what happens. 00:07:01.100 --> 00:07:08.620 I just kind of have to accept what is going on, and I tend to leave it up to fate. 00:07:08.620 --> 00:07:09.120 Right? 00:07:10.460 --> 00:07:14.560 So, again, a a a lower sense of control over my environment. 00:07:17.065 --> 00:07:19.645 The next one is a lack of support resources. 00:07:19.865 --> 00:07:31.970 So I might feel like I have an internal locus of control, and I'm confident that I could potentially, overcome difficult challenges, but I don't have the resources to do that. 00:07:32.590 --> 00:07:39.570 I don't have the things at my disposal to manage those demands or those stressors that are coming at me. 00:07:42.190 --> 00:07:46.450 And then the last one actually is having very rigid and strict boundaries. 00:07:46.965 --> 00:08:01.945 So when we're in a space where we need to be, we need to be more flexible, we need to kind of open ourselves up to some change when we have really rigid and strict boundaries that keeps us from being flexible in the ways that we need to. 00:08:02.430 --> 00:08:08.590 And so we might this might show up as kind of extreme independence, extreme, like, I don't need anybody. 00:08:08.590 --> 00:08:08.710 Right? 00:08:08.710 --> 00:08:10.830 I don't I'm not willing to accept help. 00:08:10.830 --> 00:08:15.410 And so I become very closed off and isolated, within my rigid boundaries. 00:08:17.885 --> 00:08:23.185 So those are often the a lot of the barriers that we think of when we think about individual resilience. 00:08:24.525 --> 00:08:31.480 So, family resilience, we take all that we know about individual resilience, and we apply it to a system. 00:08:31.540 --> 00:08:32.040 Right? 00:08:32.180 --> 00:08:38.600 A system is is a whole entity in and of itself that's made up of individual parts. 00:08:39.860 --> 00:08:53.605 And so when we talk about family resilience, what we're really talking about is the ability of the entire system to adapt to changing circumstances while maintaining or even growing its basic functions. 00:08:55.120 --> 00:09:07.460 So, again, it's can can the family be stable enough to support the functions that it had before this event happened or before this transition? 00:09:08.595 --> 00:09:12.915 So there needs to be some element of stability, but I also have to adapt. 00:09:12.915 --> 00:09:17.735 I have to change, based on what's needed in the moment. 00:09:17.955 --> 00:09:21.335 So I have to be open to transformation and change at the same time. 00:09:24.160 --> 00:09:32.980 One of the, another way to say this, this is how I describe family resilience, is the ability to evolve in the face of adversity. 00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:43.215 I'm willing to evolve, to meet the demands that are taking place or that they're taking shape, and regaining my ability to thrive. 00:09:44.315 --> 00:09:44.715 Right? 00:09:44.715 --> 00:09:56.950 Regaining my ability to not just, withstand this adversity, but to also grow in it, to learn from it, make changes as I see that I need to. 00:10:01.250 --> 00:10:08.790 So the family can use current resources, or they might need to develop new resources to meet the added demands and stressors. 00:10:12.195 --> 00:10:20.535 And one of our goals, from a therapeutic perspective is is to help people get to a place of positive adaptation. 00:10:22.860 --> 00:10:30.140 So, helping them seek this transformation that then leads to this ability to thrive, regaining their ability to thrive. 00:10:30.140 --> 00:10:40.755 So I don't want them to just, to be so stable and so rigid that they just wanna return back to where they were right before this event happened. 00:10:41.055 --> 00:10:42.575 They have to adapt a little bit. 00:10:42.575 --> 00:10:45.535 They have to be willing to change and be flexible a little bit. 00:10:45.535 --> 00:10:55.730 And so I want them to maybe, imagine at least that there could be a better way to even be more connected, as a result of this experience. 00:11:00.990 --> 00:11:06.365 So when we talk about grief in particular well, I guess, let's pause. 00:11:06.505 --> 00:11:12.125 If we're trying to maintain the basic functions of the family, we first need to know what those basic functions are. 00:11:12.345 --> 00:11:16.010 So, let's chat a little bit about this. 00:11:16.010 --> 00:11:26.590 What do you guys think the basic functions of the family are that we need to maintain, that we need to have some stability in, we're trying to get back to? 00:11:31.945 --> 00:11:34.285 Your first answer is communication. 00:11:34.825 --> 00:11:36.025 Somebody put in the chat. 00:11:36.025 --> 00:11:36.525 Okay. 00:11:40.360 --> 00:11:44.860 So everybody feel free to, sharing and openness. 00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:48.220 Trust. 00:11:48.280 --> 00:11:51.020 To love and support while respecting each other's boundaries. 00:11:51.455 --> 00:11:54.915 Love and support, provide safety and support for each other. 00:11:55.295 --> 00:11:55.615 Yes. 00:11:55.615 --> 00:12:07.140 Formation of children, secure attachment relationships, listening, safety and support, support and collaboration, nurturing, trusting relationships, compassion. 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:09.700 Wonderful. 00:12:10.400 --> 00:12:10.640 Good. 00:12:10.640 --> 00:12:16.560 So these are the things these are the things that we want to make sure that the family, can still do. 00:12:16.560 --> 00:12:16.960 Right? 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:19.040 It's still maintaining these functions. 00:12:19.040 --> 00:12:25.595 So there's actually four basic functions of the family, and I think they encompass what you guys have all mentioned. 00:12:25.895 --> 00:12:29.035 But the first one is membership and family formation. 00:12:30.055 --> 00:12:36.790 And this benefits the individual, each individual member, because it provides a sense of belonging for them. 00:12:37.250 --> 00:12:39.510 It provides personal and social identity. 00:12:39.570 --> 00:12:42.390 So there's identity development that happens through membership. 00:12:43.490 --> 00:12:46.610 And it provides meaning and direction for life. 00:12:46.610 --> 00:12:50.815 We're gonna talk about that one in in more detail as we continue in the presentation. 00:12:51.755 --> 00:12:59.215 But that's a really important, function of the family to provide meaning and direction for life. 00:13:00.810 --> 00:13:03.070 The second is economic support. 00:13:03.130 --> 00:13:11.710 So the family, provides the basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing, other resources that help enhance human development. 00:13:12.330 --> 00:13:14.110 We need the family to do that. 00:13:15.855 --> 00:13:19.475 Then we have, nurturance, education, and socialization. 00:13:19.935 --> 00:13:25.555 So that is the physical, psychological, and social spiritual development of both children and adults. 00:13:25.775 --> 00:13:33.610 But this is a space for for them to learn, for them to be nurtured, for them to feel like they can fulfill a vocational role and need. 00:13:34.870 --> 00:13:37.290 And it instills social values and norms. 00:13:39.765 --> 00:13:42.405 And finally, there's a protection of vulnerable members. 00:13:42.405 --> 00:13:44.825 So this is the safety, maybe piece. 00:13:45.925 --> 00:13:52.105 So it provides protective care and support for the young, the ill, or the disabled, or anything anyone who's vulnerable. 00:13:54.210 --> 00:13:55.430 So we need to have safety. 00:13:57.090 --> 00:13:57.590 Yeah. 00:13:58.530 --> 00:14:15.455 And so these functions of the family as we, understand resilience and we under we look for when an event happens that's particularly an adverse event, we're looking for how well the family is able to maintain these things. 00:14:16.475 --> 00:14:18.735 Are these things still going on? 00:14:20.860 --> 00:14:28.160 If a family is not able to support these demands, they might need to develop some new resources. 00:14:28.620 --> 00:14:29.020 Right? 00:14:29.020 --> 00:14:40.995 They might need to tap into resources they haven't used before, or they have but haven't used in a long time or or just aren't as familiar with. 00:14:44.255 --> 00:15:00.670 So we also wanna see if the family is able to, I guess, if any of these demands were not met prior to the event, we wanna help the family, engage more in some of these functions. 00:15:03.785 --> 00:15:09.885 So we want them to transform throughout this process as well. 00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:21.940 So specifically when we talk about a death in the family, and I know grief can mean a lot of different things. 00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:25.440 So grief pertains to a lot of different adverse events. 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:29.380 We can experience grief really in any transition of our life. 00:15:30.105 --> 00:15:31.465 There's an element of grief. 00:15:31.465 --> 00:15:39.645 And but today, I'm gonna talk specifically about the transition after the death of a family member and the grief that comes with that. 00:15:39.705 --> 00:15:55.800 So what family functions, those that I just mentioned, membership, the economic support, the nurturance, and the protection of vulnerable members, which of those do you feel like are threatened by the death of a family member? 00:15:59.315 --> 00:16:03.255 Feel free to put your thoughts on all of them, somebody says. 00:16:04.835 --> 00:16:06.935 Possibly all of them. 00:16:07.395 --> 00:16:10.280 Economic support, all of them. 00:16:10.500 --> 00:16:11.480 Nerd surrends. 00:16:13.540 --> 00:16:13.780 Yeah. 00:16:13.780 --> 00:16:14.020 Okay. 00:16:14.020 --> 00:16:18.980 So a lot of us a lot of us are in agreement as possibly all of them. 00:16:18.980 --> 00:16:19.480 Right? 00:16:20.900 --> 00:16:30.705 So let's let's explore that a little bit more about what, how could grief impact someone's ability to feel a sense of membership? 00:16:31.725 --> 00:16:31.965 Right? 00:16:31.965 --> 00:16:37.020 A sense of belonging and their purpose in life. 00:16:39.480 --> 00:16:44.220 If you want wanna feel free to put a thought in the chat if you'd like to give a thought. 00:16:45.560 --> 00:16:51.215 This is somewhat of a deeper question to answer, so, I know that it might take a few minutes to write it out. 00:16:51.215 --> 00:16:55.855 So here's one role change, loss of husband, off oops. 00:16:55.855 --> 00:16:56.095 Woah. 00:16:56.095 --> 00:16:56.255 No. 00:16:56.255 --> 00:16:56.815 It's coming too. 00:16:56.815 --> 00:16:57.315 Sorry. 00:16:57.375 --> 00:17:00.915 For a mom, the death of her child, not sure her purpose anymore. 00:17:01.370 --> 00:17:01.690 Yeah. 00:17:01.690 --> 00:17:05.790 Disrupt, losing the role in the family affecting other members. 00:17:06.730 --> 00:17:08.170 Mom is the soul of the family. 00:17:08.170 --> 00:17:11.310 If she is missing, people could feel the identity is lost. 00:17:12.010 --> 00:17:12.510 Mhmm. 00:17:12.810 --> 00:17:20.075 Then we have disrupts the identity and cohesion of the group because one concern, another change could come without warning. 00:17:21.015 --> 00:17:24.955 Especially if it is a parent, you may think your family won't be the same. 00:17:25.815 --> 00:17:28.455 Can repeat oh, can you repeat the question? 00:17:28.455 --> 00:17:29.100 This one. 00:17:29.260 --> 00:17:32.560 It's Sean, I wonder if anyone they love can die. 00:17:33.100 --> 00:17:33.600 Yes. 00:17:33.980 --> 00:17:34.480 Yes. 00:17:34.940 --> 00:17:35.440 Yeah. 00:17:35.500 --> 00:17:37.280 It introduces some unknowns. 00:17:38.060 --> 00:17:43.600 It's there's a there's a lot of role shifts that happen after the death of a family member. 00:17:44.235 --> 00:17:52.495 As people try to take on new roles, they might transition or reposition attachment needs, within the family. 00:17:52.715 --> 00:18:01.300 And so it kind of leaves everybody, a little bit in a state of limbo in terms of what my role is and how do I fulfill that purpose. 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:09.200 So economic support, I think I'll I'll explain for us, right, it impacts that family function. 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:26.205 The death of the family member impacts that family function because there could be a lot of financial burden that's placed on the family after the death of a loved one, and they don't have a lot of economic support to be able to support to be able to, maintain those stressors and those demands. 00:18:28.080 --> 00:18:30.000 Then we have the nurturance piece. 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:40.395 So, if there was particularly a family member that was lost that didn't that was in charge of more nurturing. 00:18:40.395 --> 00:18:41.775 So let's say mom died. 00:18:42.555 --> 00:18:44.155 That role goes with it. 00:18:44.155 --> 00:18:50.095 Maybe some some difficulties, in in maintaining the nurturance and education. 00:18:50.875 --> 00:19:01.220 You also have, I think, difficulties with kind of the stigma around grief and loss and what's the social norms of that. 00:19:01.220 --> 00:19:14.555 And so parents spend a lot of time maybe talking about or family members maybe spend a lot of time talking about how to grieve and what's appropriate way to grieve and how not to grieve and what does depression look like in grief and all of that. 00:19:15.495 --> 00:19:25.220 And so we teach people how to how how to grieve, right, how to cry, how to how to live, how to, exist after someone has died. 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:33.920 And then we have the final one, which is, the the protection of vulnerable members. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:45.125 That one's a little different, but maybe there's, if if a parent dies, there's less safety in the family, and and less ability to support those vulnerable members like children. 00:19:47.105 --> 00:20:06.725 If a caretaker dies, so even if it wasn't someone who let's say, a child dies, but the child was was older and they were responsible for taking care of the parents, there that caretaking relationship, there might not be anymore. 00:20:07.905 --> 00:20:12.165 So how do we protect a vulnerable parent who maybe has an illness or something? 00:20:13.105 --> 00:20:14.165 It would be the challenge. 00:20:16.065 --> 00:20:16.565 Okay. 00:20:16.625 --> 00:20:33.490 So it potentially can affect all of these family functions, which is why grief can be and and the death of a family member can be really challenging for families as they're trying to, maintain this stability but also transform their family functions. 00:20:33.925 --> 00:20:38.585 They have a hard time doing that because grief impacts every single one of those. 00:20:39.845 --> 00:20:41.365 So how does the family adapt? 00:20:41.365 --> 00:20:46.585 How can the family adapt, as as all of their functions are being affected? 00:20:48.150 --> 00:20:53.690 So we have these three synergistic processes of adaptation is what we call them. 00:20:54.870 --> 00:20:59.130 They're synergistic, because they all work together. 00:20:59.925 --> 00:21:04.745 There's not one that's more important than the other in terms of helping the family adapt. 00:21:05.445 --> 00:21:18.250 The family needs a combination of all three of these, really, to meet the demands of of their additional stressors, right, in order to maintain their family functions. 00:21:18.250 --> 00:21:23.470 They might need some combination of all three of these as they adapt. 00:21:25.210 --> 00:21:32.445 So we're gonna go into them more detail, but it's shared belief systems, organizational processes, and communication and problem solving. 00:21:34.505 --> 00:21:47.860 So one way that the family could meet their added demands and try to be more functional is if they, make meaning of the adverse event. 00:21:48.320 --> 00:22:16.210 So they're able to find some purpose for the adverse event, and they can integrate that purpose into, you know, their family narrative, kind of their family story, that's a really big way that they can then reestablish purpose for themselves, but also reestablish maybe their what it means now that this person is no longer there. 00:22:16.210 --> 00:22:22.390 So it helps them reestablish roles, as they make meaning of what of what happened. 00:22:24.265 --> 00:22:26.285 It helps them reposition those rules. 00:22:28.745 --> 00:22:35.785 Then we have if they're able to adopt a more positive outlook on their experience, it goes hand in hand with meaning making. 00:22:35.785 --> 00:22:40.120 But, it's not just about, you know, being positive. 00:22:40.120 --> 00:22:41.000 Everything is good. 00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:42.600 You know, we wanted this person to die. 00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:42.920 Right? 00:22:42.920 --> 00:22:45.420 That's that's not the positivity we're talking about. 00:22:45.560 --> 00:22:52.055 We're talking about, that there's some benefit to this experience for me. 00:22:52.055 --> 00:22:54.055 That's the positivity we're talking about. 00:22:54.055 --> 00:22:56.775 There is some there's something I can glean from this. 00:22:56.775 --> 00:23:00.795 There's a there's a, again, a purpose or a meaning to it in my life. 00:23:01.815 --> 00:23:06.840 That's what we mean when we say positive outlook, that we're able to find some benefit. 00:23:09.540 --> 00:23:14.360 And we're able to use that maybe to support other people, in some way. 00:23:16.180 --> 00:23:25.125 And then there's this ability to be transcendent and spiritual to use those, those skills, those resources to help us make meaning about our experience. 00:23:26.865 --> 00:23:37.370 And that it takes the experience out of a problem that we're going through together and turns it into something bigger than us, bigger than me, bigger than my family. 00:23:37.590 --> 00:23:37.830 Right? 00:23:37.830 --> 00:23:40.170 This is part of something greater. 00:23:42.550 --> 00:24:03.430 And our ability to to see that, to transcend our problems, all of these three, making making making meaning, having a positive outlook, transcendence, what it does is it helps to minimize the, I guess, the weight of the problem. 00:24:04.050 --> 00:24:06.390 It helps make the problem feel less heavy. 00:24:06.930 --> 00:24:07.170 Right? 00:24:07.170 --> 00:24:16.070 If I can find meaning in it, then the burden of carrying this adversity, the burden of meeting these demands are not so bad. 00:24:20.505 --> 00:24:34.080 So that's one, adaptive process that might be going on in the family system that they're using to try to, main regain their function, regain their ability to thrive. 00:24:35.260 --> 00:24:41.120 Another process of adaptation they might use is their organizational process. 00:24:42.460 --> 00:24:48.105 And that means that they might, restructure, the family. 00:24:48.645 --> 00:24:56.665 So boundaries might be really, open and fluid during times of transition, and that's okay. 00:24:56.725 --> 00:25:01.305 That might make certain family members really uncomfortable, but they actually need that flexibility. 00:25:03.500 --> 00:25:13.340 They need things to be a little bit more flexible because they're transitioning into new roles and because we're trying to figure out, what that's going to look like and what feels comfortable for us. 00:25:13.340 --> 00:25:19.315 So for a while, there there might actually be really flexible boundaries, and that's alright. 00:25:21.615 --> 00:25:23.795 There might also be different levels of connectedness. 00:25:24.975 --> 00:25:31.875 So sometimes in families, we actually see that, that especially with grief, they tend to process separately. 00:25:33.750 --> 00:25:48.125 So there's actually less connectedness, but, in their own way, they're allowing themselves to be, to kind of process things and filter through what's a personal experience of their grief. 00:25:48.585 --> 00:25:55.085 So connectedness might look very different, in this transitional phase than what what it had looked like before. 00:25:56.745 --> 00:26:08.500 And we don't, even though we might interpret them not talking about their grief as being not connected, giving each other space might be the way that they're trying to connect with each other. 00:26:09.360 --> 00:26:10.980 It might be a form of connection. 00:26:12.385 --> 00:26:14.645 So it's okay for us to interpret it that way. 00:26:16.865 --> 00:26:25.025 And then they might also be reaching out to other support resources, social and economic resources as they need to. 00:26:25.025 --> 00:26:32.010 So how open is the family in accepting help and reaching out to people who could support them? 00:26:33.750 --> 00:26:37.610 Again, that requires pretty flexible boundaries, external boundaries. 00:26:39.765 --> 00:26:46.185 With their church communities, friends, other extended family members, how flexible is the family in reaching out for help? 00:26:50.165 --> 00:26:53.305 And then we have communication and problem solving. 00:26:53.605 --> 00:27:01.500 So, even in their ability to feel connected, is there an ability to communicate about certain things? 00:27:01.500 --> 00:27:03.120 And who is doing the communication? 00:27:03.180 --> 00:27:06.460 And how is communication run-in the family system? 00:27:06.460 --> 00:27:14.295 So are people clear about what they need, and where the problems are and what the demands are? 00:27:17.635 --> 00:27:23.015 Is there any level of emotional sharings even if it's not something that I say or talk about? 00:27:24.500 --> 00:27:27.960 You know, am I willing to let people know that I am feeling sad? 00:27:29.380 --> 00:27:32.520 Do I cry in front of my children or my family members? 00:27:32.820 --> 00:27:35.720 What would it be like for me to include them in that? 00:27:37.700 --> 00:27:39.160 Do I show them my anger? 00:27:44.865 --> 00:27:46.565 Who's allowed into that process? 00:27:46.865 --> 00:27:48.945 And then we have collaborative problem solving. 00:27:48.945 --> 00:27:49.985 So who's involved? 00:27:49.985 --> 00:27:52.885 Who in the family, makes decisions? 00:27:53.585 --> 00:27:54.885 And how is that distributed? 00:27:55.860 --> 00:28:01.380 How do they decide who makes decisions in the family? 00:28:01.380 --> 00:28:05.240 And and who's who's involved in this process of transformation? 00:28:05.780 --> 00:28:13.635 Typically, if people are left out of that process, they tend to do worse, Even children. 00:28:13.695 --> 00:28:18.915 So if children are left out of some of the decision making process, they tend to do not as well. 00:28:21.855 --> 00:28:22.355 Alright. 00:28:23.340 --> 00:28:24.940 So, again, all of these are related. 00:28:24.940 --> 00:28:25.180 Right? 00:28:25.180 --> 00:28:27.360 We have to communicate in order to make meaning. 00:28:27.740 --> 00:28:33.840 We have to share some of our emotions in order to, feel a sense of connectedness. 00:28:34.540 --> 00:28:39.235 We have to have a sense of flexibility in order to problem solve. 00:28:39.235 --> 00:28:39.475 Right? 00:28:39.475 --> 00:28:42.215 So all of these processes are connected. 00:28:46.515 --> 00:28:55.770 So we wanna look at the whole all of the processes together when we talk about family resilience and how the family is adapting, how the family is coping. 00:28:56.470 --> 00:29:01.690 So my question is, we talked about individual resilience, so you talked about family resilience. 00:29:02.390 --> 00:29:08.555 So do we think that family resilience supports individual resilience? 00:29:09.495 --> 00:29:19.835 So as the family is able to be more resilient in facing this transition, do we think that that impacts individual resilience? 00:29:22.060 --> 00:29:22.540 Yes. 00:29:22.540 --> 00:29:23.040 Yes. 00:29:23.260 --> 00:29:23.760 Absolutely. 00:29:24.140 --> 00:29:24.540 Yes. 00:29:24.540 --> 00:29:25.020 Yes. 00:29:25.020 --> 00:29:25.500 Yes. 00:29:25.500 --> 00:29:26.300 For sure. 00:29:26.300 --> 00:29:26.700 Yes. 00:29:26.700 --> 00:29:27.200 Yes. 00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:27.820 Yes. 00:29:27.820 --> 00:29:28.800 But not always. 00:29:29.500 --> 00:29:30.000 Okay. 00:29:30.700 --> 00:29:31.200 Yes. 00:29:33.435 --> 00:29:39.055 So it's possible maybe that individuals could be resilient even when their family is not. 00:29:39.435 --> 00:29:39.915 Mhmm. 00:29:39.915 --> 00:29:41.275 What do we think about that? 00:29:41.275 --> 00:29:46.335 Is that possible that individuals could be resilient even when their family is not? 00:29:48.500 --> 00:29:49.000 Yes. 00:29:49.140 --> 00:29:49.640 Yes. 00:29:51.300 --> 00:29:51.460 Yes. 00:29:51.460 --> 00:29:51.620 Yes. 00:29:51.620 --> 00:29:51.780 Yes. 00:29:51.780 --> 00:29:52.280 Yes. 00:29:52.340 --> 00:29:52.540 Yes. 00:29:52.540 --> 00:29:52.740 Yes. 00:29:52.740 --> 00:29:52.940 Yes. 00:29:52.940 --> 00:29:53.140 Yes. 00:29:53.140 --> 00:29:53.540 Yes. 00:29:53.540 --> 00:29:54.020 Yeah. 00:29:54.020 --> 00:29:54.520 Okay. 00:29:54.900 --> 00:29:55.400 Alright. 00:29:55.780 --> 00:30:12.625 So, that's the question that I asked was in bereavement and grief, does family resilience impact how well an individual is going to cope with their with the death of a family member? 00:30:13.380 --> 00:30:20.440 So as the family becomes more resilient or less resilient, does that impact how the individual is going to be, or is it related at all? 00:30:22.260 --> 00:30:23.380 We did find out. 00:30:23.380 --> 00:30:25.860 This is a very complicated graphics. 00:30:25.860 --> 00:30:28.515 I won't go into too much detail about it. 00:30:29.555 --> 00:30:33.655 But, basically, what we looked at this is this is family resilience. 00:30:33.715 --> 00:30:39.655 So we looked at the three processes, and then we, again, said that, well, we can't look at them individually. 00:30:39.715 --> 00:30:41.495 We have to look at them as a whole. 00:30:42.300 --> 00:30:45.600 And that's what is family what we called family resilience. 00:30:46.940 --> 00:30:53.100 And then we said, I think that family resilience is actually going to impact individual coping. 00:30:53.100 --> 00:30:55.180 So this on this side was individual coping. 00:30:55.180 --> 00:31:05.785 We measured PTSD scores after the loss, after the death of a family member, their depression scores, and then prolonged grief scores. 00:31:07.605 --> 00:31:12.340 And so we said, this is usually what symptoms look like for bereaved people. 00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:14.180 Some combination of this. 00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:16.880 They might have PTSD symptoms. 00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:21.860 They might have depression symptoms, and they might have what we call prolonged grief symptoms. 00:31:24.645 --> 00:31:33.145 And so higher scores for PTSD, depression, and prolonged grief would mean that this person, isn't as resilient. 00:31:33.445 --> 00:31:33.685 Right? 00:31:33.685 --> 00:31:35.225 They're not coping as well. 00:31:37.900 --> 00:31:47.600 And we thought, well, I really think that family resilience is going to impact individual coping and symptoms through meaning. 00:31:47.820 --> 00:32:01.775 Because as we what we know in bereavement literature is that meaning really, is that has the greatest impact on individual coping after loss. 00:32:02.555 --> 00:32:06.830 It's someone's ability to find purpose for themselves again. 00:32:08.890 --> 00:32:11.310 That I feel a sense of purpose for my life. 00:32:14.890 --> 00:32:16.170 And so we thought, okay. 00:32:16.170 --> 00:32:22.785 If people are able if the family is able to make meaning through shared beliefs, but they're also able to do all these other things. 00:32:23.565 --> 00:32:31.585 And it's likely that the individual is able to make meaning as well, and then that is what's going to impact your coping. 00:32:32.125 --> 00:32:35.580 So that's just a little bit about this graphic so you know what you're looking at. 00:32:37.500 --> 00:32:50.835 So we did find that overall, family resilience had, was significantly related to lower individual grief symptoms. 00:32:52.575 --> 00:32:57.615 So overall, family resilience does have an impact on some level. 00:32:57.615 --> 00:32:57.855 Right? 00:32:57.855 --> 00:32:59.235 They're related at least. 00:32:59.615 --> 00:33:00.995 We don't know which direction. 00:33:01.215 --> 00:33:11.310 We know that family resilience might have an impact on individual symptoms, but we also might it could be the case that individual symptoms have an impact on family resilience. 00:33:12.330 --> 00:33:14.190 But we know that at least they are related. 00:33:21.145 --> 00:33:31.880 And we learned that these processes of adaptation are positively related to someone's ability to make meaning out of their loss experience. 00:33:33.860 --> 00:33:48.175 So, the family's ability to be resilient or the family's resilience does impact in a positive way, how an individual makes me makes personal meaning out of their experience. 00:33:48.175 --> 00:33:59.640 So it does impact their own personal purpose that they find in life again, Which, again, none of this is surprising. 00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:01.580 It's cool, but maybe it's not surprising. 00:34:01.640 --> 00:34:01.960 Right? 00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:05.180 Because because that is a part of the family function. 00:34:05.800 --> 00:34:11.180 If the family is able to be more resilient, they're sharing their beliefs with one another. 00:34:12.805 --> 00:34:20.425 It's likely that that family function of membership in a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose for one's life is going to be impacted. 00:34:23.940 --> 00:34:36.980 And then we also learned that specifically shared beliefs, when it comes to bereavement, when it comes to grieving the loss of a family member, that shared beliefs oops. 00:34:36.980 --> 00:34:37.220 Sorry. 00:34:37.220 --> 00:34:38.120 Where did I go? 00:34:39.095 --> 00:34:53.675 Shared beliefs had the greatest impact overall on all of this, on meaning that's made, on even on family resilience overall and on individual coping. 00:34:54.720 --> 00:35:00.660 So shared beliefs seem to have the biggest weight in terms of its impact. 00:35:04.160 --> 00:35:10.265 So even accounting for these other ones, shared beliefs tended to have more weight. 00:35:14.405 --> 00:35:17.845 So what that means, I guess sorry. 00:35:17.845 --> 00:35:18.885 I went too fast. 00:35:18.885 --> 00:35:31.800 What that means for us is that as we try to help families develop more resilience, we might wanna focus on how are they making meaning out of their experience together. 00:35:32.340 --> 00:35:35.800 What does it look like to co construct meaning in the family? 00:35:36.500 --> 00:35:38.340 And that's kind of where my research is going now. 00:35:38.340 --> 00:35:47.875 So how do we help families create these shared beliefs, help them tap into that development developing that resource for themselves? 00:35:48.815 --> 00:35:52.035 Because that tends to have, the greatest weight. 00:35:52.520 --> 00:35:59.820 How can we help them find purpose and benefit, and integrate that into their understanding of the loss overall? 00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:08.815 So one way that we've, thought about doing that is helping families create what we call the family resilience tree. 00:36:09.195 --> 00:36:13.055 And this really taps into the meaning that they have about their experience. 00:36:15.355 --> 00:36:23.470 And so we have families imagine this tree or draw it out, and then we define each of the parts of the tree. 00:36:24.170 --> 00:36:26.590 So what supports and nourishes your family? 00:36:29.850 --> 00:36:32.590 Could be it could be economic resources. 00:36:32.650 --> 00:36:34.090 It could be tangible things. 00:36:34.090 --> 00:36:35.950 Also, it could be intangible things. 00:36:38.055 --> 00:36:41.835 What events, positive or negative, have shaped your family? 00:36:45.015 --> 00:36:49.355 And then spring from that, what meaning was made from those events? 00:36:49.620 --> 00:36:52.020 So what did that event mean to you? 00:36:52.020 --> 00:36:57.320 How did you guys, what did you learn from that experience as a family? 00:37:00.420 --> 00:37:03.960 And then the leaves are, what are you hoping that positive outlook? 00:37:04.135 --> 00:37:07.995 What are you hoping or hopeful for as a family moving forward? 00:37:10.295 --> 00:37:12.295 What does it even look like to move forward? 00:37:12.295 --> 00:37:15.995 Can you even imagine or hope in something for the future? 00:37:20.290 --> 00:37:30.150 And so hopefully, by doing this, what we're what we're doing is we're tapping into the family's ability to make meaning and co construct meaning together. 00:37:30.450 --> 00:37:32.230 So what does this mean for us overall? 00:37:37.545 --> 00:37:38.045 K. 00:37:38.105 --> 00:37:40.265 I see that there are some questions in the chat. 00:37:40.265 --> 00:37:43.965 So, so, yeah, I'm open to questions, comments. 00:37:44.425 --> 00:37:44.665 Yeah. 00:37:44.665 --> 00:37:45.725 There are two comments. 00:37:45.785 --> 00:37:49.370 One was the thought this would be wonderful for a pre Cana. 00:37:51.110 --> 00:37:55.690 Discussion, more meetings, and then just summarizing loving the family tree. 00:37:56.230 --> 00:37:56.730 Yeah. 00:37:57.030 --> 00:37:57.530 Good. 00:37:57.750 --> 00:37:58.490 Good then. 00:37:59.765 --> 00:38:00.265 Alright. 00:38:00.725 --> 00:38:07.065 Well, let's, let's see how much we have about ten minutes or so for questions. 00:38:09.125 --> 00:38:19.440 So, yeah, any questions that you guys have about family resilience or grief They're just questions for me. 00:38:21.660 --> 00:38:23.920 Feel free to put your questions in the chat. 00:38:24.540 --> 00:38:29.200 Marie, thank you so much for sharing your research work, and you're wonderful. 00:38:29.340 --> 00:38:30.560 Thank you so much. 00:38:30.885 --> 00:38:31.625 Thank you. 00:38:33.605 --> 00:38:46.830 So if you wanna ask questions about interventions or research in general or go deeper in how to build resiliency in the family, which is you can put your questions in the chat. 00:38:47.370 --> 00:38:47.870 Sure. 00:38:50.490 --> 00:38:53.370 While we're waiting for questions, I have actually a question for you. 00:38:53.370 --> 00:38:54.570 Wondering what your thoughts are. 00:38:54.570 --> 00:38:58.270 So, of course, there's a death in the family is one way of grieving. 00:38:59.405 --> 00:39:01.905 What if a spouse leaves in divorce? 00:39:02.765 --> 00:39:07.105 Does it affect the grieving process, how you work with those families? 00:39:08.445 --> 00:39:14.740 I mean, there's some similarities, but then the, you know, the the other parent is still somewhere around. 00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:16.020 So Yeah. 00:39:16.520 --> 00:39:17.380 What's your thought? 00:39:17.520 --> 00:39:22.980 There's definitely I mean, there's definitely still a transition of roles that's happening. 00:39:24.645 --> 00:39:36.505 And and it's interesting because now we have, we're still a family, and so but we're also maybe two families. 00:39:36.805 --> 00:39:37.305 Right? 00:39:37.685 --> 00:39:48.640 And so there might be an experience where we make meaning about it within with mom, and then we make meaning about it with dad, and those meanings might be similar, and those meanings might be different. 00:39:49.820 --> 00:39:52.780 And actually, that's okay for children experiencing divorce. 00:39:52.780 --> 00:40:01.985 That's okay that their meanings are different, but that that there's still a level that both entities have to adapt. 00:40:01.985 --> 00:40:02.225 Right? 00:40:02.225 --> 00:40:08.620 I have to adapt with mom, and I'm adapting with dad, and my relationship with them is changing. 00:40:08.620 --> 00:40:12.300 And then my and then the spousal relationship changes. 00:40:12.300 --> 00:40:13.820 And so what does that look like? 00:40:13.820 --> 00:40:15.820 How does that relationship shift and change? 00:40:15.820 --> 00:40:23.375 So there there tends to need to be a lot of flexibility, but what happens often in divorce is that people become really rigid. 00:40:23.755 --> 00:40:39.110 So so a lot of, a lot of the focus, I think, is sometimes on meaning making, but I think in divorce especially, there's more of a focus on the organizational aspect of adaptation. 00:40:39.970 --> 00:40:49.590 So how do we, be more flexible while remaining connected with our boundaries, and what does that look like? 00:40:49.730 --> 00:41:00.105 So I tend I wonder if maybe there's there's more of a focus on that, when it comes to divorce versus the meaning of it all. 00:41:01.765 --> 00:41:02.085 Yeah. 00:41:02.085 --> 00:41:02.805 Thank you. 00:41:02.805 --> 00:41:06.905 So first question, what are some places to find resiliency activities? 00:41:07.900 --> 00:41:09.920 Oh, that's a good question. 00:41:11.020 --> 00:41:12.640 Honestly, there's not a ton. 00:41:12.860 --> 00:41:14.640 There's a lot for for individuals. 00:41:16.460 --> 00:41:21.600 So there's, you know, positive psychology talks a lot about helping with individual resilience. 00:41:22.615 --> 00:41:24.295 There's therapist aide. 00:41:24.295 --> 00:41:28.375 It does a lot of positive psychology, activities and work. 00:41:28.375 --> 00:41:32.775 But when it comes to family resilience, there's not a lot of resources out there. 00:41:32.775 --> 00:41:37.355 So I think that could be a really beautiful thing for us to grow. 00:41:39.470 --> 00:41:40.270 Thank you. 00:41:40.270 --> 00:41:45.330 Next one, are the first six months after someone's passing particularly important in grieving? 00:41:46.510 --> 00:41:47.970 Are the first six months? 00:41:51.005 --> 00:41:52.145 Yes and no. 00:41:52.685 --> 00:41:56.625 So so the grief process lasts a lifetime. 00:41:56.925 --> 00:42:01.725 We you know, and the meaning that we make out of our grief lasts forever as well. 00:42:01.725 --> 00:42:12.430 So, I think sometimes we tend to focus on, you know, the first six months or even the first year and what does that mean and for coping and all of this. 00:42:12.430 --> 00:42:22.655 But sometimes people aren't even able to make meaning out of anything for a year, two years, three years down the road, because they're just in shock. 00:42:22.655 --> 00:42:22.975 Right? 00:42:22.975 --> 00:42:24.115 They just don't know. 00:42:26.095 --> 00:42:32.400 They're just trying to process the actual loss event itself and not so much, what does this mean for me. 00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:32.720 Right? 00:42:32.720 --> 00:42:34.000 And where's my purpose? 00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:37.060 It's more just like, why did this happen? 00:42:38.560 --> 00:42:41.300 And so so it depends. 00:42:41.600 --> 00:42:50.355 I think for some people, the the first six months maybe has an impact overall, but, honestly, the grief process is so long. 00:42:50.355 --> 00:43:01.860 We don't wanna, I guess, we don't wanna be nervous that if someone is not coping well in the first six months, that they're not going to be resilient later on. 00:43:01.940 --> 00:43:03.780 They will be or they can be. 00:43:03.780 --> 00:43:06.840 There's a potential still for them to be resilient later on. 00:43:09.060 --> 00:43:09.460 Question. 00:43:09.460 --> 00:43:17.800 How can you assist a member of the family who is not just coping at all, who is not, yeah, coping at all after the death of the father of the home? 00:43:20.235 --> 00:43:22.495 At the after the death of the father of the home. 00:43:24.555 --> 00:43:35.330 You know, maybe I would try to understand, for me, why they're not coping as well? 00:43:35.650 --> 00:43:38.470 What is have they made meaning out of the experience? 00:43:38.610 --> 00:43:42.370 Are they able to find any sort of, purpose for their life? 00:43:42.370 --> 00:43:44.290 What does that look like for them? 00:43:44.290 --> 00:43:46.310 So I just I'd wanna do more assessment. 00:43:46.450 --> 00:43:46.690 Right? 00:43:46.690 --> 00:43:51.685 What is what is, how did they cope before? 00:43:52.385 --> 00:43:53.685 What's different now? 00:43:54.945 --> 00:44:03.470 Just trying to understand where they're coming from and what seems to be the hardest, what's the hardest thing for them? 00:44:04.410 --> 00:44:07.230 So so that would be my my curiosity. 00:44:08.090 --> 00:44:16.570 And then a couple of questions about summary of the presentation on the DMU page, or will the recording be available? 00:44:16.570 --> 00:44:18.355 And, yes, it will be. 00:44:19.475 --> 00:44:29.015 If you're currently a student, there will be, the recording will be posted in all the classes currently, but it will also be sent out by the DMU communications. 00:44:29.520 --> 00:44:35.060 So if you're on this mailing list, so you're here, you should receive the recording. 00:44:36.720 --> 00:44:40.900 Have you seen children who are resilient and parents who are less so? 00:44:45.855 --> 00:44:46.355 Yes. 00:44:47.135 --> 00:45:11.990 I think I think children, tend to be more resilient than most of us because they they're tend to be more flexible, and they tend to adapt better to things because they don't have this need to maintain their less I guess their role in the system also plays an important factor in their resilience. 00:45:12.050 --> 00:45:28.235 So when they have, children tend to have less of a, hopefully, caretaking role and less of all these other things, and they have less they attach less meaning to their role in the family. 00:45:28.490 --> 00:45:32.270 And so when that role shifts or it changes, they tend to do better. 00:45:32.410 --> 00:45:33.050 They're like that. 00:45:33.050 --> 00:45:34.410 They're okay with that. 00:45:34.650 --> 00:45:43.505 Whereas parents maybe have a harder time adjusting to new roles because there's a lot more meaning attached to their roles and, all of that. 00:45:43.505 --> 00:45:46.165 So so, yes, that's very possible. 00:45:46.785 --> 00:45:52.645 And so it says, they recently had two death in the family, a 90 year old father and a 60 year old son. 00:45:53.105 --> 00:45:59.500 How would this impact the rest of the siblings and some of the geographically separated siblings? 00:46:01.080 --> 00:46:01.660 Ah, yeah. 00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:07.420 You know, I think it's hard, because families are becoming more geographically separated. 00:46:09.335 --> 00:46:12.075 Just overall, we're seeing that trend in families. 00:46:13.655 --> 00:46:19.835 And so so with that said, I also think people have found other ways to connect. 00:46:19.895 --> 00:46:20.760 There's a lot. 00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:28.300 I think technology has been helpful in that sense that people are finding lots more ways to connect with one another and feel close to one another. 00:46:28.440 --> 00:46:37.305 And so, again, connection doesn't always have to be around the grief or around the event, but they might establish connection in other ways. 00:46:37.305 --> 00:46:50.320 Like, I was actually just talking with a couple about this recently, but finding connection just in, like, being interested in each other's hobbies, something along those lines. 00:46:50.460 --> 00:47:20.580 Finding a way to, to show to show that I'm here and that I care about you and that, you're still a member of this family, I think, is important when when especially a, I think, like, the like, a head of a household or the or kind of the caretaker of the household, like, when a when a grandmother dies or something like that, there still has to be something that, maybe connects us. 00:47:20.580 --> 00:47:33.785 And so showing more interest in hobbies, activities, people's lives, and what they're doing, even simple things like, liking their things on Facebook, right, or commenting something. 00:47:34.005 --> 00:47:37.465 That can be sometimes a great way to connect with each other. 00:47:39.285 --> 00:47:39.845 One question. 00:47:39.845 --> 00:47:47.150 What effects would it have when there is not enough flexibility with rules and demandingness during a time of grief? 00:47:48.970 --> 00:47:49.470 Yeah. 00:47:50.090 --> 00:47:53.370 I mean, it's hard to say the exact effect it's going to have. 00:47:53.370 --> 00:47:53.610 Right? 00:47:53.610 --> 00:48:10.595 Because it it might have lots of different effects on on the different people in the family, but we tend to see that that that does make things worse, for for all family members involved when there's a lot of rigidity in our boundaries and in our rules. 00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:18.880 So it tends to make people feel like they, they can't be themselves. 00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:21.440 They can't kind of explore new ways to thrive. 00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:27.115 And so less flexibility in the family means less flexibility internally for myself. 00:48:27.495 --> 00:48:38.155 And so then I I might not, I might feel like I have to meet expectations that I can't meet, that I can't do. 00:48:40.250 --> 00:48:41.370 Then next question. 00:48:41.370 --> 00:48:47.150 What do you find most helpful in restoring self efficacy if it has not been promoted in childhood? 00:48:52.685 --> 00:48:53.985 That's a wonderful question. 00:48:54.125 --> 00:49:01.665 I might have to think more about that because I think there's tons and tons of research about about that, of how how to support self efficacy. 00:49:01.725 --> 00:49:17.860 But, I guess my initial reaction is inviting people to recognize where they have control and where they maybe don't have as much control. 00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:31.555 And sometimes, you know, I think the serenity prayer is beautiful for that, but but helping people kind of sit and reflect on where where actually do I have some control over my life? 00:49:32.415 --> 00:49:34.095 What would that look like for me? 00:49:34.095 --> 00:49:38.730 What would it be like for me to engage in a little bit more control over my life? 00:49:39.430 --> 00:49:41.130 And doing that in small ways. 00:49:41.510 --> 00:49:45.510 Even even sometimes they're already doing it. 00:49:45.510 --> 00:49:57.625 And so just pointing that out to them and validating that over and over and over again, I think the from a therapeutic perspective, the therapeutic relationship can be incredibly healing. 00:49:57.625 --> 00:50:13.550 And so if you maybe provide that support, that encouragement when they're naturally doing things that are that are good and managing their own behaviors, then I think that that helps build that self confidence. 00:50:13.550 --> 00:50:14.910 Like, oh, I can do this. 00:50:14.910 --> 00:50:16.290 I'm already doing that. 00:50:17.735 --> 00:50:18.235 Right. 00:50:18.935 --> 00:50:33.420 Then how can family resiliency be built with older teens and college age children if it wasn't realized as a needed priority when the kids were younger until either grandparents start becoming sick or dying or a tragedy hits? 00:50:33.420 --> 00:50:36.800 Just piggybacks a little bit on your last. 00:50:37.740 --> 00:50:38.060 Sure. 00:50:38.060 --> 00:50:38.460 Sure. 00:50:38.780 --> 00:50:51.915 So how do we build I think family resilience is not tied to any specific stage of life because, because resilience really isn't tied to any specific stage of our life. 00:50:51.915 --> 00:50:55.755 It can be built in any one of our stages, any any stage of life. 00:50:55.755 --> 00:51:08.430 And that's that's the beauty of resilience, I think, is that that just because we weren't resilient or we didn't have as much resilience in one phase of our life doesn't mean that we're gonna have less resilience in another phase. 00:51:08.430 --> 00:51:13.170 And we can, we can be flexible regardless. 00:51:13.310 --> 00:51:16.905 So so I guess I'm maybe not as concerned about that. 00:51:16.905 --> 00:51:23.465 If they don't have resilience at one point and it comes later, then I think that's fine. 00:51:23.465 --> 00:51:30.685 As long as at some point, we're we're building those skills and, allowing ourselves to be open to change. 00:51:32.880 --> 00:51:33.120 Right. 00:51:33.120 --> 00:51:38.820 The next question, what if you feel that this death in the family has not had any meaning to you? 00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:41.540 Meaning, like, the death has no reason. 00:51:42.640 --> 00:51:43.140 Yeah. 00:51:44.720 --> 00:51:52.555 So meaning making is a multifaceted process, and I didn't feel like we had enough time today to go into it into it too much. 00:51:54.055 --> 00:52:01.500 But a part of meaning making is about finding reason for the loss and finding purpose for the loss. 00:52:01.500 --> 00:52:11.280 But, really, it starts with it starts with making sense of what happened. 00:52:11.935 --> 00:52:12.175 Right? 00:52:12.175 --> 00:52:16.355 Making sense of, like, what was actually going on in the last event. 00:52:17.695 --> 00:52:19.635 How am I wrapping my head around? 00:52:20.815 --> 00:52:21.875 Why this happened? 00:52:21.935 --> 00:52:23.315 And what happened exactly? 00:52:24.260 --> 00:52:37.860 And so my ability to do that then helps me start to recognize that, yeah, what what maybe if there is a purpose for it or all of these things. 00:52:37.860 --> 00:52:57.470 So, so I think if people are resistant to the finding purpose or finding benefit in it, I think it's also because there's likely a lot of, feelings like I don't this person shouldn't have had to die in order for me to experience this meaning. 00:52:57.470 --> 00:52:57.970 Right? 00:52:58.030 --> 00:53:09.665 And so maybe reiterating that to them and say, you know, this just because you develop meaning about the loss doesn't mean that that you're justifying what happened. 00:53:09.885 --> 00:53:15.885 I think sometimes making meaning feels like we're justifying it, and that's not what we're doing. 00:53:15.885 --> 00:53:28.540 We're not saying, oh, this had to happen or that this was a good thing that happened or just trying to understand what what it could how it could impact our life. 00:53:28.540 --> 00:53:30.300 How do we want it to impact my life? 00:53:30.300 --> 00:53:35.200 And so that's maybe a question I would ask is, how do you want this loss to impact your life? 00:53:35.765 --> 00:53:41.625 How do you see it impacting your life rather than, you know, is it a good thing? 00:53:43.685 --> 00:53:44.005 Yeah. 00:53:44.005 --> 00:53:44.645 Thank you. 00:53:44.645 --> 00:53:55.600 And last was just a comment on similarities to maybe third culture kids and cultural transitions as, like, military families, foreign services. 00:53:56.540 --> 00:54:00.640 So, finding some parallel, you know, situations there. 00:54:01.180 --> 00:54:01.680 Absolutely. 00:54:02.515 --> 00:54:13.015 I think we can look at, even the immigrant experience and how that transition requires a ton of resilience Mhmm. 00:54:13.235 --> 00:54:13.735 Adaptation. 00:54:14.450 --> 00:54:16.050 Thank you so very much. 00:54:16.050 --> 00:54:17.650 That's what my what's the last question. 00:54:17.650 --> 00:54:20.010 And, Thank you. 00:54:20.370 --> 00:54:27.890 So grateful that you come speak with us and, of course, even more grateful that you'll be teaching for us, in spring two. 00:54:27.890 --> 00:54:33.455 We are very excited to have you teach the marriage and family systems class in spring two. 00:54:33.915 --> 00:54:36.335 And, our first year having a concentration. 00:54:37.035 --> 00:54:40.075 So so wonderful presentation and so much more. 00:54:40.075 --> 00:54:42.875 Whenever you have a presentation, right, there's always so much more. 00:54:42.875 --> 00:54:51.260 And I'm so looking forward to reading your work when, you know, as publications come out and having you share in class. 00:54:51.720 --> 00:54:52.280 Thank you. 00:54:52.280 --> 00:54:53.800 Thank you so much for having me. 00:54:53.800 --> 00:54:59.560 It was it was a joy to put together, and I'm looking forward to to teaching and getting to know some of you more. 00:54:59.560 --> 00:55:01.000 So thank you for attending today. 00:55:01.000 --> 00:55:06.915 I I was really, really grateful for your feedback and your thoughts and your comments as we presented. 00:55:06.915 --> 00:55:07.815 So thank you. 00:55:08.435 --> 00:55:09.555 Thank you so much. 00:55:09.555 --> 00:55:10.855 Have a good night, everybody. 00:55:10.995 --> 00:55:12.055 Good to have everybody. 00:55:12.515 --> 00:55:13.255 Good night. 00:55:14.835 --> 00:55:15.495 Bye bye.