WEBVTT 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.760 Well, first of all, we thank all of you for your gift of time. 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:13.300 I think it's a wonderful series that we're gonna have on loneliness. 00:00:13.360 --> 00:00:17.545 It just shows by the number attending It's at the top of mind of a lot of individuals. 00:00:18.485 --> 00:00:24.345 I know Peter from being at Catholic Psychotherapy Association meetings with him, and we're going to Philadelphia tomorrow. 00:00:24.565 --> 00:00:26.565 So I wanna kinda give you his background. 00:00:26.965 --> 00:00:28.645 Natalia gave you a little bit of information. 00:00:28.645 --> 00:00:31.520 He currently is with Catholic Charities in Arlington, Virginia. 00:00:32.220 --> 00:00:39.360 He is a very personal man in his, counseling, if you will, and I I actually took this off of his site. 00:00:39.740 --> 00:00:42.700 He says, I'm married to my wonderful wife, Cecilia Dribont. 00:00:42.700 --> 00:00:47.675 My goals in life, well, first of all, to help both of us get to heaven through God's grace. 00:00:48.135 --> 00:00:54.795 I want to make sure that I'm helping suffering souls to get to heaven if they choose and help them find meaning in their earthly lives. 00:00:55.095 --> 00:01:05.750 Their search to God and if they are seeking an assistance, those who are interested in integrating their Christian faith through the lens of sound psychological principles and down to earth clinical interventions. 00:01:05.890 --> 00:01:07.030 So help me God. 00:01:07.090 --> 00:01:09.990 Don't we all want therapists like Peter? 00:01:10.495 --> 00:01:14.915 So we're gonna get started here in just a moment, and I do know that other people will be joining. 00:01:15.295 --> 00:01:17.615 So, I would say go ahead, Peter. 00:01:17.615 --> 00:01:20.835 We're just about five minutes past the starting time. 00:01:20.895 --> 00:01:22.115 Well, everybody, welcome. 00:01:22.500 --> 00:01:24.580 And those who are trickling in late, that's fine. 00:01:24.580 --> 00:01:31.320 I'll, do my best to, be as thorough and, to the point as I can. 00:01:31.540 --> 00:01:38.535 I have 50 slides, but we'll try to get through it, best I can to get to the main points. 00:01:39.635 --> 00:01:41.975 I'm trying to cover a general overview. 00:01:43.075 --> 00:01:44.275 That's usually what I like to do. 00:01:44.275 --> 00:01:51.575 I like to give an overview of many of these topics when it comes to mental health issues, and loneliness is a huge topic. 00:01:52.570 --> 00:01:58.670 So I'll do my best to cover these thoroughly, without getting too much detail. 00:01:58.730 --> 00:01:59.210 Okay? 00:01:59.210 --> 00:02:01.210 So welcome everybody. 00:02:01.210 --> 00:02:02.670 Is everybody good to see everybody? 00:02:02.730 --> 00:02:07.565 And, today, we are going to be looking at ways people adapt to loneliness. 00:02:08.825 --> 00:02:10.185 Again, very vast topic. 00:02:10.185 --> 00:02:11.805 This is all post COVID stuff. 00:02:12.105 --> 00:02:13.625 Stuff happened even before COVID. 00:02:13.865 --> 00:02:15.805 Loneliness has been with us for a long time. 00:02:16.200 --> 00:02:21.100 And, I would, again, try to give an overview, three main categories. 00:02:21.800 --> 00:02:22.300 Okay? 00:02:22.920 --> 00:02:26.060 So ways people adapt to loneliness. 00:02:26.440 --> 00:02:26.940 Okay? 00:02:28.215 --> 00:02:43.170 Some immediate solutions to loneliness that, I'll lay out, and then I'll go a little more in-depth in part c about, things that we can do, regarding this very, difficult topic, but so many people suffer from this. 00:02:43.170 --> 00:02:43.670 Okay? 00:02:44.850 --> 00:02:46.850 So let's move let's press forward. 00:02:46.850 --> 00:02:48.470 So here we are. 00:02:48.850 --> 00:02:59.775 We are in this first section, we are gonna talk about, I have, I think, a few slides here regarding what can cause, what can lead to loneliness. 00:03:00.075 --> 00:03:01.855 There's these are very broad categories. 00:03:01.915 --> 00:03:06.015 So one is social media and technology driven communication. 00:03:06.315 --> 00:03:06.795 Okay. 00:03:06.795 --> 00:03:09.935 So this is, becoming an ongoing problem. 00:03:12.150 --> 00:03:14.470 An overabundance dependency on TV and news. 00:03:14.470 --> 00:03:16.490 We have that going on for a long time. 00:03:16.630 --> 00:03:26.410 Online gaming, texting, sexting, growing, artificial intelligence, relationships, right, like GROC, adult anime, Gemini, chat GBT. 00:03:26.655 --> 00:03:27.795 These things are growing. 00:03:28.735 --> 00:03:32.655 Bullying online, ghost, and then being ghosted by others, online. 00:03:32.655 --> 00:03:39.935 This is very, very painful for both youth and adult alike, to be ghosted when you attempt to reach out to somebody and then no one responds. 00:03:39.935 --> 00:03:41.155 You get just, like, ghosted. 00:03:41.300 --> 00:03:44.040 Like, you are not no one responds to you. 00:03:44.660 --> 00:03:45.160 Alright? 00:03:45.460 --> 00:03:54.260 So, and I wanna make a qualifier here too is, you know, things that I'm describing here, not are not all are bad. 00:03:54.260 --> 00:03:54.760 Okay? 00:03:55.275 --> 00:04:00.875 You know, we have to be, make sure that, things in themselves aren't necessarily bad. 00:04:00.875 --> 00:04:03.595 Like, AI is not necessarily a bad thing. 00:04:03.595 --> 00:04:05.435 It's what it what it can do. 00:04:05.755 --> 00:04:07.215 It can mimic intelligence. 00:04:07.630 --> 00:04:08.030 Okay? 00:04:08.030 --> 00:04:16.130 And the problem with, it's they they can do good things, AI, if you, provided you use it responsibly. 00:04:18.510 --> 00:04:27.745 So the problem with AI, though, and and many of these things they mock or they sort of try to imitate relationships, which they can never do. 00:04:28.285 --> 00:04:29.825 AI can never think for itself. 00:04:29.965 --> 00:04:30.465 Okay? 00:04:31.725 --> 00:04:35.405 The problem with AI too is that many people will stop thinking. 00:04:35.405 --> 00:04:38.590 And a friend of mine, Greg Kolachek, he mentioned this. 00:04:39.210 --> 00:04:45.310 Doctor Greg, him were, colleagues at Divine Mercy when we started '20 2000. 00:04:46.250 --> 00:04:55.405 He was saying, too that, with AI, The problem is is that they try to mimic relationships. 00:04:55.545 --> 00:04:56.505 They can never do that. 00:04:56.505 --> 00:05:02.685 And then secondly, they can't, think for themselves. 00:05:02.825 --> 00:05:02.985 Yeah. 00:05:02.985 --> 00:05:04.365 Well, they can't think for themselves. 00:05:05.530 --> 00:05:12.430 People cannot think for themselves because a a a gender generated intelligence takes over. 00:05:12.890 --> 00:05:14.830 People could you don't have to think. 00:05:15.130 --> 00:05:18.190 It takes away thinking for yourself. 00:05:18.875 --> 00:05:20.875 People could have papers done with AI. 00:05:20.875 --> 00:05:22.735 I mean, it's just really growing exponentially. 00:05:23.275 --> 00:05:24.095 So alright. 00:05:24.395 --> 00:05:35.470 So the point I'm making here is, they do jeopardize face to face human interactions, and we don't want to replace human interactions, with machine, with technology. 00:05:36.010 --> 00:05:36.910 But it has. 00:05:37.050 --> 00:05:37.550 Okay? 00:05:37.850 --> 00:05:40.090 And that has become a huge problem. 00:05:40.090 --> 00:05:40.590 Alright? 00:05:41.130 --> 00:05:45.550 And, so the sense of human connection, god create us body and soul. 00:05:45.610 --> 00:05:50.135 You can't have a body interaction, and a soul interaction on a computer screen. 00:05:50.135 --> 00:06:00.060 So, I mean, again, nothing in itself wrong with it, but it can become a problem if it's overly relied on, and people are doing that, as a way to hide even. 00:06:00.300 --> 00:06:05.180 People hide also behind technology, so no one can be really seen for who they are. 00:06:05.180 --> 00:06:10.960 So these things can cause a deep loneliness in people because that human element, that human connection is missing. 00:06:11.340 --> 00:06:14.515 Number two, Societal pressures and expectations. 00:06:14.655 --> 00:06:15.055 Okay. 00:06:15.055 --> 00:06:29.200 So people like to, you know, try to, find position, title position, productivity, go, go, go, always on the go, getting degrees, getting doctorates, whatever, a sense of perfectionism. 00:06:29.660 --> 00:06:30.620 I'm too busy. 00:06:30.620 --> 00:06:32.160 I'll have to call you back later. 00:06:32.460 --> 00:06:33.660 I'll text you later. 00:06:33.660 --> 00:06:34.400 I'm busy. 00:06:34.940 --> 00:06:35.440 Deadlines. 00:06:35.820 --> 00:06:41.585 All these things, there's a perpetual noise that is occurring that has happened at least today. 00:06:43.025 --> 00:06:48.805 It's gradually progressing in in in our culture and in many other cultures all over the world. 00:06:49.440 --> 00:06:50.720 This constant movement. 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:51.860 My wife's from Indonesia. 00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:58.320 And when I'm in I go to Indonesia with her, I see nothing but movement and people and on their phones all the time. 00:06:58.320 --> 00:07:00.180 Restaurants, everybody's on their phone. 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:01.920 There's no human contact. 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:02.400 Alright? 00:07:02.400 --> 00:07:04.820 So and but that's regarding technology. 00:07:04.935 --> 00:07:12.475 But here, then there's this need to sort of one up everybody with what I accomplished, my degrees, my accomplishments. 00:07:13.495 --> 00:07:14.635 I have to be efficient. 00:07:14.775 --> 00:07:18.135 If I'm efficient, then I'll be light, and all these things happen. 00:07:18.135 --> 00:07:25.590 And this is can bury loneliness, feelings because it's an external part of oneself. 00:07:25.970 --> 00:07:30.470 So here, efficiency, the need for efficiency wins over human connection. 00:07:30.530 --> 00:07:30.850 Okay? 00:07:30.850 --> 00:07:31.810 I gotta be efficient. 00:07:31.810 --> 00:07:33.350 I gotta be on top of everything. 00:07:33.675 --> 00:07:34.475 Go go go. 00:07:34.475 --> 00:07:35.615 Deadlines, productivity. 00:07:36.555 --> 00:07:47.995 And this is this is a problem because another reason you can't tap into your own loneliness or what's going on inside because you're constantly filling the outside with noise and busyness. 00:07:47.995 --> 00:07:52.750 And this is happening all the time in our world with media, technology, everything. 00:07:52.970 --> 00:07:53.370 Okay. 00:07:53.370 --> 00:07:55.690 So, again, I'm only giving an overview. 00:07:55.690 --> 00:08:03.655 You guys can look at this, on your own if you want to, however you wanna see it. 00:08:03.655 --> 00:08:03.895 Okay. 00:08:03.895 --> 00:08:04.955 So we got that. 00:08:05.495 --> 00:08:05.815 Okay. 00:08:05.815 --> 00:08:06.695 So we have that going on. 00:08:06.695 --> 00:08:08.635 And then we have loneliness and mental health conditions. 00:08:08.695 --> 00:08:10.535 Now remember, I'm giving an overview of this. 00:08:10.535 --> 00:08:12.315 I'm not going into great detail. 00:08:12.535 --> 00:08:13.035 Alright? 00:08:13.095 --> 00:08:14.555 I'm trying to avoid that. 00:08:15.415 --> 00:08:17.335 I'll try to give some detail at the end. 00:08:17.335 --> 00:08:17.835 Okay? 00:08:18.190 --> 00:08:20.130 But I want to be able to get through this. 00:08:21.630 --> 00:08:24.670 So we have number three, loneliness and mental health conditions. 00:08:24.670 --> 00:08:25.070 Okay. 00:08:25.070 --> 00:08:25.550 Boom. 00:08:25.550 --> 00:08:27.310 This is quite an issue. 00:08:27.310 --> 00:08:28.270 This is quite something good. 00:08:28.270 --> 00:08:29.730 Loneliness and anxiety, PTSD. 00:08:30.685 --> 00:08:31.185 Right? 00:08:31.885 --> 00:08:41.105 We have loneliness and depression, loneliness and bereavement, grieving people, loneliness and substance abuse, loneliness and suicide, loneliness and the stigma of mental illness. 00:08:41.485 --> 00:08:41.805 Yes. 00:08:41.805 --> 00:08:43.325 That stigma still exists. 00:08:44.220 --> 00:08:50.300 Somehow, if people have some emotional mental problems, they have to hide it, and, they can't just speak openly about it. 00:08:50.300 --> 00:08:52.640 I mean, everyone is we're all born in original sin. 00:08:52.700 --> 00:08:59.355 Everybody's got some problem, and we have to be able to, feel free to communicate our issues. 00:08:59.655 --> 00:09:03.275 We're more transparent with each other, as as a human culture. 00:09:03.735 --> 00:09:15.750 Whether it's North America or out, you know, in the other parts of the world, Asia, everywhere else, it's important that that human connection, excuse me, that we address our issues, whatever they are. 00:09:16.050 --> 00:09:19.510 Veterans, the suicide rate, we'll I'll I'll get to that in a second. 00:09:20.450 --> 00:09:32.595 The suffering that they have, from post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, and police officers, which they tend to not I I according to my understanding, they don't really deal with these issues. 00:09:32.595 --> 00:09:41.400 They're constantly dealing with, with people, and risks of being killed or not when somebody pulls a gun on them. 00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:43.000 And that's very traumatic. 00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:47.500 And then repeatedly, that happening with with law enforcement and police officers. 00:09:47.880 --> 00:09:51.100 That's that could generate a deep post traumatic stress. 00:09:51.400 --> 00:09:58.115 But they're too busy, and they have to keep going, and they have they have paperwork to do, and they have bosses to answer to. 00:09:58.175 --> 00:09:59.375 So they struggle a lot. 00:09:59.375 --> 00:10:16.190 But I think this PTSD, post traumatic stress, which would lead to a sense of being alone in their pain, it'll be buried alive, and then they have to, again, live functionally on the outside, whereas whereas inside is turmoil, and we don't want that. 00:10:16.650 --> 00:10:17.870 But that's what's happening. 00:10:18.010 --> 00:10:18.510 Okay? 00:10:20.490 --> 00:10:21.470 Let's move on. 00:10:23.690 --> 00:10:28.430 So loneliness and repeated romantic or sexual relationships gone awry. 00:10:29.425 --> 00:10:34.485 Now this is a not a relation an issue with many couples in relationships and not just couples. 00:10:34.705 --> 00:10:36.485 This happens in marriages as well. 00:10:36.865 --> 00:10:48.680 But the need to sort of chase that loving feeling, that romantic love, that obsession, this, pop culture obsession with it, the thrill of chasing that loving feeling. 00:10:48.820 --> 00:10:49.140 Right? 00:10:49.140 --> 00:10:54.120 It becomes like a drug or it's like chasing so I have a background also in drug and alcohol. 00:10:54.215 --> 00:10:54.455 Okay? 00:10:54.455 --> 00:11:03.895 So it's like chasing the drug of wanting that high of a romance, alright, to to nullify, to assuage those lonely feelings. 00:11:03.895 --> 00:11:04.395 Right? 00:11:05.255 --> 00:11:06.395 So promiscuity. 00:11:06.695 --> 00:11:11.150 So we have this promiscuity going on, relying on central partners to fill this inner void. 00:11:11.210 --> 00:11:11.710 Okay? 00:11:12.090 --> 00:11:15.230 Relationships, we we can't do that. 00:11:16.010 --> 00:11:27.355 Hint hint, there's one person who can only fill the deepest part of us, and that, of course, would be other than other than god if he chooses to fill it, by the way, and we'll get to that maybe later on. 00:11:28.055 --> 00:11:30.775 So there's the obsession of these relationships. 00:11:30.775 --> 00:11:33.915 In the media and the culture and the movies, they all talk about this romance. 00:11:34.375 --> 00:11:35.895 They talk about how to fall in love. 00:11:35.895 --> 00:11:43.020 They show falling in love, but they don't show how to remain in love and what that means and sustaining love in relationships. 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:55.545 How often do you see movies that portray the sustenance of of love in a relationship, of the the the struggle, the battle, the communication, the arguing, the fighting, and then they come back and they make up and reconcile. 00:11:55.605 --> 00:11:56.565 When when do we see that? 00:11:56.565 --> 00:11:57.945 We don't see that too often. 00:11:58.325 --> 00:12:06.940 This focus is on this, again, this falling in love, Eros, being you know, I'm falling in love, and, that's everything. 00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:07.500 Okay? 00:12:07.640 --> 00:12:08.860 And and that's a problem. 00:12:08.920 --> 00:12:09.420 Okay? 00:12:09.480 --> 00:12:17.960 And that's only gonna lead to disappointment because you can't use a person as a drug to fill some sense of inner void that's using a person. 00:12:17.960 --> 00:12:21.465 Perhaps you're doing that unconsciously, but it's still that's what's happening. 00:12:21.925 --> 00:12:22.425 Okay. 00:12:23.045 --> 00:12:24.725 And then we go to here number five. 00:12:24.725 --> 00:12:30.645 So we have a lot of distorted so forgive me if I'm going a little fast here, but I I'm just trying to give an overview of this. 00:12:30.645 --> 00:12:31.925 So, bear with me. 00:12:32.405 --> 00:12:36.930 Distorted perceptions can lead to isolation, hence and then to loneliness. 00:12:37.230 --> 00:12:37.730 Okay? 00:12:38.190 --> 00:12:41.070 So this this is, this can get a little deep here. 00:12:41.070 --> 00:12:43.250 So let me read this quote by Brian Hannon. 00:12:43.390 --> 00:12:51.775 The inner child as a part of the true self internalizes shameful beliefs about the self due to past hurts. 00:12:52.155 --> 00:12:52.655 Okay? 00:12:52.955 --> 00:13:03.210 So what happens is many people who struggle, there's a part of with is within each of us is like a broken self or can be a broken self. 00:13:03.290 --> 00:13:03.790 Alright? 00:13:04.250 --> 00:13:06.110 And this gets internalized. 00:13:06.810 --> 00:13:07.310 Alright? 00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:10.970 And the belief would be, well, you know, I'm not lovable. 00:13:10.970 --> 00:13:12.170 You don't love me. 00:13:12.170 --> 00:13:12.670 Alright? 00:13:12.810 --> 00:13:16.915 That's the belief that has been formed perhaps in childhood. 00:13:17.535 --> 00:13:19.315 This happens a lot in the relationships. 00:13:19.615 --> 00:13:20.115 Okay? 00:13:21.455 --> 00:13:26.995 So these be due to past hurts, whether it's a rejection or abandonment, these things happen all the time. 00:13:27.295 --> 00:13:32.380 So So what they're saying is, perhaps this is a little deep at this point, this part of the self needs to be befriended. 00:13:32.380 --> 00:13:36.320 So we want to befriend make friends with this inner child of us. 00:13:37.500 --> 00:13:38.300 How's that happen? 00:13:38.300 --> 00:13:40.160 Well, that we'll we'll get to that. 00:13:40.295 --> 00:13:40.795 K. 00:13:41.255 --> 00:13:46.955 So we have everybody portrays an outward self that appears normal and together. 00:13:47.575 --> 00:13:48.075 Okay? 00:13:48.455 --> 00:13:50.055 And I see this a lot with my practice. 00:13:50.055 --> 00:13:55.415 I've been doing this now for twenty almost twenty two years by the grace of God as a therapist, totally by the grace of God. 00:13:55.415 --> 00:13:55.895 Alright? 00:13:55.895 --> 00:13:57.710 There's no other way I'm doing this. 00:13:57.710 --> 00:13:59.150 It's only by the grace of God. 00:13:59.150 --> 00:14:04.130 I see a lot of people, who have this very external self. 00:14:04.350 --> 00:14:14.715 Again, this sort of this crusted out external self that gets shown by others as, oh, successful, accomplished. 00:14:15.735 --> 00:14:16.135 Right? 00:14:16.135 --> 00:14:23.675 And then underneath there, there's a a well of brokenness that they either are repressing or they're not in touch with. 00:14:24.100 --> 00:14:30.340 And that's just because there's too busy with being busy in the world, they're not they don't tap into that. 00:14:30.340 --> 00:14:30.580 Okay. 00:14:30.580 --> 00:14:38.585 They don't tap into that brokenness because they're constantly filling the void with success, accomplishments, degrees, productivity. 00:14:39.765 --> 00:14:41.045 That's not the person's fault. 00:14:41.045 --> 00:14:51.465 That's often the demands based on supervisors and bosses that put so many expectations on people to accomplish this goal, that goal, this task, deadlines, papers. 00:14:51.605 --> 00:14:54.060 I mean, whatever, if you're in student, whatever. 00:14:54.200 --> 00:14:55.160 So all these things. 00:14:55.160 --> 00:15:03.160 So people don't have the time to take the journey inward or cast into the deep waters of the sea and go down and see what's going on. 00:15:03.160 --> 00:15:03.660 Okay? 00:15:03.720 --> 00:15:04.920 There's a deep hurt there. 00:15:04.920 --> 00:15:08.455 So we have here a distorted belief or perception. 00:15:08.595 --> 00:15:14.215 I know what you're thinking, terrible things about me, says one of the dogs. 00:15:14.595 --> 00:15:16.215 Well, screw you and your judgments. 00:15:16.835 --> 00:15:19.235 And the one guy is saying, oh, I'm just thinking about his pie. 00:15:19.235 --> 00:15:19.555 Okay. 00:15:19.555 --> 00:15:29.760 It's a very simple, silly example, but it shows the point how people can believe what they think others are thinking about them when you have when there's no evidence to the contrary. 00:15:30.220 --> 00:15:30.460 Okay. 00:15:30.460 --> 00:15:32.060 This guy's just thinking about pie. 00:15:32.060 --> 00:15:32.560 Okay? 00:15:32.780 --> 00:15:39.985 And the one guy, the other dog just says, you're just making judgments about me because you're just staring and looking at me, and and he's thinking about pie. 00:15:39.985 --> 00:15:44.465 So we have to be careful how we perceive people, what we think they are. 00:15:44.465 --> 00:15:50.930 But the brokenness, sometimes people make the conclusion, they don't like me, okay, or they are judging me. 00:15:50.930 --> 00:15:52.390 Now sometimes that's true. 00:15:52.530 --> 00:15:53.030 Okay? 00:15:54.130 --> 00:16:00.950 Depends on the facial, okay, facial exterior, what they're portraying, like looking at someone sideways. 00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:01.490 Sure. 00:16:01.490 --> 00:16:06.395 That can be, interpreted as something real and, okay, this person really is judging me. 00:16:06.395 --> 00:16:08.235 So that's a it's a matter of discernment. 00:16:08.235 --> 00:16:09.295 It's a matter of judgment. 00:16:09.435 --> 00:16:21.930 But, usually, we have to be careful not to make these conclusions, as I tell my clients, what you think they're thinking about you because we don't know we don't have the evidence unless you ask them. 00:16:21.990 --> 00:16:23.930 Are you thinking terrible things about me? 00:16:24.070 --> 00:16:24.570 No. 00:16:24.870 --> 00:16:25.370 Alright. 00:16:25.670 --> 00:16:26.230 Oh, okay. 00:16:26.230 --> 00:16:28.150 Well, then not don't no screw you. 00:16:28.150 --> 00:16:28.550 Okay. 00:16:28.550 --> 00:16:30.010 I appreciate you telling me. 00:16:30.070 --> 00:16:31.110 You're thinking about pies. 00:16:31.110 --> 00:16:31.670 Oh, I get it. 00:16:31.670 --> 00:16:32.170 Okay. 00:16:32.255 --> 00:16:35.375 So there's a there's a communication that clarifies that. 00:16:35.375 --> 00:16:35.875 Alright. 00:16:36.495 --> 00:16:36.895 Okay. 00:16:36.895 --> 00:16:50.330 So so the point is that this repeated rejections from people or misperceiving others can lead people to isolate, and then they that it gets internalized in deep loneliness because they don't trust others. 00:16:50.710 --> 00:16:50.950 Okay. 00:16:50.950 --> 00:16:52.070 They don't trust them. 00:16:52.070 --> 00:17:01.455 So they develop a a a continuity of lack of trust toward other human beings, then they shut down, isolate, and then you got serious loneliness and depression going on. 00:17:01.695 --> 00:17:02.195 Alright. 00:17:02.255 --> 00:17:03.635 Let's go to the next slide. 00:17:04.335 --> 00:17:07.135 Loneliness is a factor in elderly suicidal rates. 00:17:07.135 --> 00:17:07.455 Okay. 00:17:07.455 --> 00:17:15.775 General factors, declining health, decreased mobility, grief, isolation, the a decrease in care from family members toward others. 00:17:15.775 --> 00:17:16.015 Okay. 00:17:16.015 --> 00:17:18.650 This is a big problem with with the elderly. 00:17:18.650 --> 00:17:18.890 Okay. 00:17:18.890 --> 00:17:19.870 A lot of suicide. 00:17:20.010 --> 00:17:27.950 I just had a couple of elderly people, total strangers, came up to my wife at night to sleep, and they wanted just to talk and hang out in a restaurant. 00:17:28.170 --> 00:17:29.130 This happened last week. 00:17:29.130 --> 00:17:29.870 It was unbelievable. 00:17:30.250 --> 00:17:33.875 We don't know these people, but they wanted They were in their elderly age. 00:17:33.875 --> 00:17:34.675 They're so lonely. 00:17:34.675 --> 00:17:36.595 They wanted other outside contact. 00:17:36.595 --> 00:17:36.915 Okay. 00:17:36.915 --> 00:17:41.655 So and then another person who I know from my hometown in Canada said the same thing. 00:17:42.035 --> 00:17:47.335 So and, sure, I mean, I plan to reach out and and and because I know them from the past a little bit, the one in Canada. 00:17:47.700 --> 00:17:49.780 Originally I'm originally from Canada, by the way. 00:17:50.980 --> 00:17:54.580 So, yeah, and people are very lonely, and they need that human element contact. 00:17:54.580 --> 00:18:04.545 Suicide rates, I'm not gonna read this, is is high it has grown eight point one percent since 02/21, okay, for people aged 65 and over. 00:18:04.845 --> 00:18:05.085 Okay. 00:18:05.085 --> 00:18:07.325 The suicide rate, that's extremely high. 00:18:07.325 --> 00:18:07.825 Okay? 00:18:07.885 --> 00:18:09.425 And that's a huge issue. 00:18:09.805 --> 00:18:15.985 The elderly suffer from so much of this, either with their spouse in their elderly age or in a nursing home or retirement home. 00:18:16.370 --> 00:18:16.610 Okay. 00:18:16.610 --> 00:18:18.790 So and there's deep, deep loneliness there. 00:18:19.090 --> 00:18:23.090 Especially if you don't have faith, it's very, very difficult. 00:18:23.090 --> 00:18:25.990 I can't imagine, okay, how hard that would be for people. 00:18:27.810 --> 00:18:28.950 Seven, poor attachments. 00:18:29.090 --> 00:18:29.490 Okay. 00:18:29.490 --> 00:18:33.485 So means family of origin. 00:18:33.625 --> 00:18:34.125 Okay. 00:18:34.265 --> 00:18:36.905 So this is has to do with attachments. 00:18:36.905 --> 00:18:44.605 This is big in psychology, attachment disorders, people who have the inability to form emotional connection with other people. 00:18:45.370 --> 00:18:47.150 Hence a parent, a caregiver. 00:18:48.410 --> 00:18:51.870 And they they don't know how they don't know how to have the attachment. 00:18:52.090 --> 00:18:59.605 So adult identity crisis is a result of these things, poor parent child attachments, lack of self differentiation. 00:19:00.065 --> 00:19:10.545 What that means is, basically, the inability to have a sense of self, of who am I as a person, and can I say yes to this and no to that, or who am I? 00:19:10.545 --> 00:19:11.265 How do I feel? 00:19:11.265 --> 00:19:12.120 I have no idea. 00:19:12.120 --> 00:19:16.520 We'll show you video on this by Gabor Mate describing this thing. 00:19:16.520 --> 00:19:17.020 Alrighty. 00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:17.960 Moving on. 00:19:17.960 --> 00:19:20.060 Lack of authenticity, affirmation. 00:19:20.120 --> 00:19:23.740 I will talk about affirmation below if you stick with me. 00:19:24.120 --> 00:19:28.805 In utero stress, okay, the stress of the mother, Okay? 00:19:29.185 --> 00:19:32.465 When it comes to, remember what the infant feels. 00:19:32.465 --> 00:19:33.425 The let's try. 00:19:33.425 --> 00:19:37.105 What the mother feels, the infant in the womb also feels. 00:19:37.105 --> 00:19:42.660 If the mother is stressed, the infant will also experience that stress level. 00:19:42.660 --> 00:19:42.980 Okay? 00:19:42.980 --> 00:19:47.400 So stressed mothers will form stressed babies. 00:19:47.540 --> 00:19:48.040 Okay? 00:19:48.260 --> 00:19:48.760 Alright? 00:19:49.140 --> 00:19:50.260 And not all. 00:19:50.260 --> 00:19:53.700 So there's a resiliency factors that would decrease that with certain people. 00:19:53.700 --> 00:19:54.920 It depends on the person. 00:19:55.055 --> 00:20:01.475 But if someone's constantly stressed, one's being abused while they're pregnant, I mean, there's incredible stress factors going on there. 00:20:01.695 --> 00:20:08.915 Birthing complications, hospitals, ripping away the child, the infant from the mother, okay, when they're delivered. 00:20:09.455 --> 00:20:11.550 Not all hospitals would do that. 00:20:11.550 --> 00:20:17.970 Enough, and, but when they do do that, that just there's a separation that's instantaneous. 00:20:19.310 --> 00:20:27.265 When the child has been there forming a bond with the mother supposedly in the womb for nine months, and then all of a sudden, they have to take the child, the baby away quickly from the mother. 00:20:27.485 --> 00:20:28.385 That's a problem. 00:20:28.765 --> 00:20:29.265 Okay. 00:20:29.645 --> 00:20:31.485 So abuse I mean, just and okay. 00:20:31.485 --> 00:20:34.385 So we're talking about attachments, whether it's abuse or neglect. 00:20:34.525 --> 00:20:38.305 Abuse, something wrong has been done to you. 00:20:38.630 --> 00:20:41.690 Neglect would be something not done for you. 00:20:41.750 --> 00:20:42.250 Okay? 00:20:42.630 --> 00:20:43.990 And that happens in both. 00:20:43.990 --> 00:20:46.970 Some people get the double whammy of both abuse and neglect. 00:20:47.270 --> 00:20:48.470 Some people just get the neglect. 00:20:48.470 --> 00:20:49.750 Some people get the abuse. 00:20:49.750 --> 00:20:51.110 Usually, people get the both. 00:20:51.110 --> 00:20:51.610 Okay? 00:20:52.895 --> 00:20:58.755 The average childhood experiences, the ACE, determines, what level of degree one's ACE score would be. 00:20:58.975 --> 00:21:04.355 I don't need to get into that now, but you can look at ACE, ACE, adverse childhood experiences. 00:21:04.415 --> 00:21:04.860 Alright. 00:21:06.300 --> 00:21:07.920 Substance use addictions. 00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:08.640 Okay? 00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:12.640 So there's chemical and there's behavioral addictions. 00:21:13.100 --> 00:21:15.120 Chemical being alcohol, heroin. 00:21:15.340 --> 00:21:17.440 We got the fentanyl epidemic crisis. 00:21:17.580 --> 00:21:18.080 Okay? 00:21:19.775 --> 00:21:23.875 And that's laced not only with, other drugs. 00:21:24.655 --> 00:21:27.375 There's let me I'll I'll get to this. 00:21:27.535 --> 00:21:34.670 I know this is a sensitive topic, but there could be there also is a correlation of demonic activity for those who do drugs. 00:21:34.670 --> 00:21:35.170 Okay? 00:21:35.310 --> 00:21:36.270 Serious drugs. 00:21:36.270 --> 00:21:37.170 It's a gateway. 00:21:37.390 --> 00:21:44.930 When you do drugs like that, it's a gateway for the supernatural or the preternatural realities, okay, such as demonic influences. 00:21:47.445 --> 00:21:48.885 That's that's that's huge. 00:21:48.885 --> 00:21:50.345 That's never talked about. 00:21:50.485 --> 00:21:50.805 Okay? 00:21:50.805 --> 00:21:58.505 We're we're approaching this from a Catholic perspective, from a Catholic anthropology and spirituality, and we cannot deny the spiritual realities that exist. 00:21:58.805 --> 00:22:00.645 So we have chemical, alcohol, heroin. 00:22:00.645 --> 00:22:14.680 We have behavioral addictions, porn addiction, gambling, the labeling of an addict or incarcerations because one is labeled an addict, and they're punished for their addiction. 00:22:14.740 --> 00:22:15.045 Okay. 00:22:15.845 --> 00:22:16.005 Alright. 00:22:16.005 --> 00:22:16.905 This is a problem. 00:22:17.445 --> 00:22:17.945 Okay? 00:22:18.085 --> 00:22:22.745 And, again, these cause all, again, back to the point, deep loneliness in people. 00:22:22.805 --> 00:22:23.205 Alright. 00:22:23.205 --> 00:22:25.845 Then you have, food addictions. 00:22:25.845 --> 00:22:27.285 These are the main and top addictions. 00:22:27.285 --> 00:22:30.060 Alcohol, cannabis, fentanyl, stimulants, Okay? 00:22:30.060 --> 00:22:31.360 When it comes to chemical. 00:22:31.420 --> 00:22:37.740 Behavioral addictions, social media, smartphones, online gaming, food addictions, shopping, gambling, sex and porn addictions. 00:22:37.740 --> 00:22:45.675 Those are the top, give or take, top addictions that are occur occurring when it comes to either behavioral or chemical. 00:22:45.815 --> 00:22:46.315 Alright. 00:22:47.015 --> 00:22:49.435 Growing secularization and loss of sense of sin. 00:22:49.655 --> 00:22:53.595 Again, this is from a Catholic anthropological perspective that we're discussing here. 00:22:53.895 --> 00:22:57.595 We have a growing secularization of culture in all parts of the world. 00:22:57.770 --> 00:22:58.270 Alright? 00:22:59.530 --> 00:23:13.665 There's pockets of good Christianity that's happening, but overall, there's a growing secularization and a movement away from truth, which is a movement away from reality, which will lead to what your removal of God will lead to chaos and anarchy. 00:23:14.065 --> 00:23:19.205 If you remove God from culture, you have no choice, but you're gonna fall into chaos or anarchy. 00:23:19.585 --> 00:23:20.085 Alright? 00:23:21.105 --> 00:23:26.245 Especially, it's a gradual progression away from and toward, perhaps even communism. 00:23:26.870 --> 00:23:32.790 So, where the state takes over, the state becomes god, and god becomes obsolete and pushed aside. 00:23:32.790 --> 00:23:33.030 Alright. 00:23:35.670 --> 00:23:39.850 So there's a decrease in need for the transcendent, which would be god lack of sense of sin. 00:23:40.835 --> 00:23:43.975 That's been growing for the last fifty, sixty, hundred years now. 00:23:44.275 --> 00:23:48.935 Consciences, not conscious, but conscience is repressed. 00:23:49.235 --> 00:23:49.635 Alright? 00:23:49.635 --> 00:23:54.230 One's conscience, knowing right from wrong, gets repressed, and that happens a lot. 00:23:54.230 --> 00:23:56.410 This is bishop Sheen talking this way too. 00:23:56.550 --> 00:23:57.910 Bishop Fulton j Sheen. 00:23:57.910 --> 00:24:00.250 Rugged individualism, we have that going on. 00:24:01.270 --> 00:24:03.290 Materialism, empiricism, divorce. 00:24:03.750 --> 00:24:09.275 If married, there's lonely spouses, lonely moms, or single moms and absent fathers. 00:24:09.495 --> 00:24:13.335 These are constantly happening, in all parts of the world. 00:24:13.335 --> 00:24:15.435 Such revolution, we have the pill. 00:24:15.575 --> 00:24:25.850 In the sixties, of course, abortion, hookup culture, alright, promiscuity, homosexuality, transgenderism, transhumanism, which is altering human nature through technology. 00:24:26.630 --> 00:24:30.490 So these are problems, again, that causes a a isolation. 00:24:30.550 --> 00:24:37.210 I'm speaking I don't speaking here globally here, causes isolation, separation from the self and from God. 00:24:37.505 --> 00:24:44.245 Separation from the self, body and soul gets separated, and then separation from god as well, especially from god. 00:24:44.305 --> 00:24:47.605 And because god is the one that keeps body, soul together. 00:24:48.465 --> 00:24:48.965 Alright. 00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:52.400 So excuse me. 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:55.600 Four if this is too complicated or not complicated enough. 00:24:55.600 --> 00:24:59.860 I don't know who my audience is, but, hopefully, this is making sense. 00:25:01.645 --> 00:25:03.165 And this is bishop Fulton J. 00:25:03.165 --> 00:25:04.365 Sheen, one of my favorites. 00:25:04.365 --> 00:25:06.925 He is just I hope he gets canonized someday. 00:25:06.925 --> 00:25:10.845 He's he's just a wonderful philosopher, psychologist even. 00:25:11.085 --> 00:25:12.865 He because he's contact with reality. 00:25:12.925 --> 00:25:22.620 His teachings focus on a sound psychology, which is sound found which is grounded on a sound philosophy, which in turn is grounded in a sound theology. 00:25:22.840 --> 00:25:23.340 Okay? 00:25:23.800 --> 00:25:28.460 So he says where theology drops sin, psychology picks it up. 00:25:28.855 --> 00:25:38.795 So theology drops the notion of sin, while psychology will twist it and turn it and interpret it however they want to, and they've done that. 00:25:39.255 --> 00:25:39.575 Okay. 00:25:39.575 --> 00:25:41.015 So now there's no such thing. 00:25:41.015 --> 00:25:49.240 Abortion is fine or contraception is okay or whatever, or IVF, all these technologies, they are considered now normal. 00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:49.720 Right? 00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:50.620 And it's promoted. 00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:54.600 And there's a movement away again from this reality of god. 00:25:54.600 --> 00:26:05.185 Again, it causes a a a a global loneliness and isolation because of even the factors of of removing reality of truth. 00:26:05.345 --> 00:26:07.045 The church is an expert in humanity. 00:26:07.105 --> 00:26:07.665 It is. 00:26:07.665 --> 00:26:09.685 And I think that's in veritable splendor. 00:26:09.905 --> 00:26:11.685 The church is an expert on humanity. 00:26:11.950 --> 00:26:12.450 Right? 00:26:13.070 --> 00:26:19.470 Meaning its teachings will be sound, and we have to maintain the orthodoxy, not heterodoxy, but orthodoxy or a Catholic faith. 00:26:19.470 --> 00:26:21.170 There should not be a division split. 00:26:21.390 --> 00:26:27.275 We need to maintain the truth of the integrity of of of moral decency in our world. 00:26:27.575 --> 00:26:34.235 And if we don't and what psychology has done is they sort of reintegrated the whole thing. 00:26:34.375 --> 00:26:35.975 It caused a mess with it. 00:26:35.975 --> 00:26:36.475 Okay. 00:26:36.695 --> 00:26:37.515 Very good. 00:26:38.570 --> 00:26:41.470 Finally, last one, reality of preternatural influences. 00:26:42.250 --> 00:26:47.390 Again, the point here regarding loneliness and isolation is to separate the person gets isolated. 00:26:48.090 --> 00:26:58.845 If there is now on a personal and cultural level, if this happens, demonic influences can significantly affect mental health, especially by way of isolation of the individual. 00:26:59.225 --> 00:26:59.705 Okay? 00:26:59.705 --> 00:27:09.550 The person isolates and they are alone in their confusion, in their diabolical disorientation, if you will, from sister Lucia. 00:27:09.550 --> 00:27:15.410 She talks about that, diabolical disorientation, both individually and globally person in in the world. 00:27:15.870 --> 00:27:19.970 There's been and also this is from Chad, father Chad Rippiger, wonderful psychologist. 00:27:20.110 --> 00:27:20.510 Okay? 00:27:20.510 --> 00:27:21.710 He's actually not a psychologist. 00:27:21.710 --> 00:27:25.545 He's a he's a theologian, exorcist, and philosopher, but he's brilliant. 00:27:26.005 --> 00:27:38.100 So he's saying there's an increase in manifestation in the possession, okay, oppression, obsession in society, willful submission to the lordship of the demons on the is on the rise as well, which is subjugation. 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.960 So we see this happening a lot. 00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:50.240 People go into witch doctors, whatever, to expel something that's not right in them, some alien spiritual force, and they go to a witch doctor to expel it. 00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:51.680 I mean, this is this is looted. 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:54.105 This is this is crazy. 00:27:54.245 --> 00:27:54.725 Okay? 00:27:54.725 --> 00:27:59.125 I mean, literally, it's it makes no sense to do that. 00:27:59.125 --> 00:28:09.070 Instead of going to a priest for an exorcism, or if that's needed or a psychologist, or therapist, whatever, to see what's going on there. 00:28:09.070 --> 00:28:12.210 So this can cause a deep loneliness for people they carry alone. 00:28:12.350 --> 00:28:13.790 A lot of people suffer from this. 00:28:13.790 --> 00:28:22.645 It doesn't have to be full, like the movie, like, The Exorcist, like, full possession. 00:28:22.785 --> 00:28:24.565 It can be oppression of war. 00:28:25.345 --> 00:28:28.805 So oppression is external influences, demonic influences. 00:28:29.505 --> 00:28:33.605 Obsession is internal influences, bay mainly psychological. 00:28:33.985 --> 00:28:42.140 And that's scary because we have psychological, emotional factors, and then get you combine that with spiritual demonic forces as well that happen. 00:28:42.600 --> 00:28:43.080 Okay. 00:28:43.080 --> 00:28:44.360 I know that's very heavy. 00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:48.615 I'm sorry to say this if this, offensive to anybody, but this is a reality. 00:28:48.615 --> 00:28:57.895 Again, we don't wanna look at reality head on here, what's going on, and causes this division and separation, first away from self and then away from God. 00:28:57.895 --> 00:29:02.480 And we and we would need to bring God through the church back into society. 00:29:02.860 --> 00:29:17.635 Thus, the election of the next pope in the conclave is absolutely critical that, we pray for the proper led by the Holy Spirit selection of the next, pontiff is very important that we pray for that. 00:29:17.635 --> 00:29:18.115 Alright. 00:29:18.115 --> 00:29:18.835 Very good. 00:29:18.835 --> 00:29:19.475 07:00. 00:29:19.475 --> 00:29:20.515 Let me move on. 00:29:20.515 --> 00:29:20.915 Okay. 00:29:20.915 --> 00:29:24.375 B, potential solutions to alleviate loneliness. 00:29:25.155 --> 00:29:25.655 Alright. 00:29:26.275 --> 00:29:27.495 I mentioned this earlier. 00:29:27.650 --> 00:29:29.410 These are adaptation strategies. 00:29:29.410 --> 00:29:31.090 We're not gonna have to go over them. 00:29:31.090 --> 00:29:34.230 These are ways people cope or may cope with loneliness. 00:29:34.690 --> 00:29:35.970 And I talked about this. 00:29:35.970 --> 00:29:39.030 Drugs, chemical addictions, working. 00:29:39.170 --> 00:29:39.570 Okay? 00:29:39.570 --> 00:29:41.190 The life work balance is off. 00:29:41.405 --> 00:29:44.605 People are, working all the time, staying busy, blah blah blah. 00:29:44.605 --> 00:29:45.105 Right? 00:29:45.405 --> 00:29:51.665 Behavior, food, gambling, shopping, brush, rush, rush, go go go, gaming, surfing, web, Internet. 00:29:52.205 --> 00:29:52.705 Alright? 00:29:53.245 --> 00:29:54.145 Global addiction. 00:29:54.365 --> 00:29:54.865 Alright? 00:29:55.085 --> 00:30:04.090 This these these are ways people cope to hijack and prevent working through whatever emotional spiritual pain people have. 00:30:04.470 --> 00:30:04.970 Okay? 00:30:05.270 --> 00:30:08.455 And there's this is not an endless list. 00:30:08.835 --> 00:30:10.515 There's there's many examples of this. 00:30:10.515 --> 00:30:12.215 Relationships, we talked about that. 00:30:12.915 --> 00:30:19.875 Entertainment, socializing, adrenaline junkies, chasing, drama queens, addicted to chaos. 00:30:19.875 --> 00:30:21.015 People love chaos. 00:30:21.270 --> 00:30:23.110 They like to fight as a way of interacting. 00:30:23.110 --> 00:30:25.930 That happens a lot too in relationships in particular. 00:30:26.390 --> 00:30:31.590 Minimizing, rationalizing, blaming, projection, gossip, attraction, actual sins. 00:30:31.590 --> 00:30:43.015 All these things prevent people from, having to bring restoration to the body soul union, restoration with god in the soul. 00:30:43.015 --> 00:30:49.595 And we we we focus away from from god, and we focus on these things too much. 00:30:50.150 --> 00:30:53.610 Disassociating, numbing, which is a form of trauma. 00:30:54.310 --> 00:30:55.910 Don't worry about the polyvagal states. 00:30:56.230 --> 00:31:00.310 But people repress a lot of their emotions, and then they're not in touch with them. 00:31:00.310 --> 00:31:00.470 Okay. 00:31:00.470 --> 00:31:01.850 That's a psychological issue. 00:31:02.230 --> 00:31:04.650 Addicted to pleasure, wealth, honor, power. 00:31:04.710 --> 00:31:05.210 Okay? 00:31:06.705 --> 00:31:09.825 Obsessive compulsive disorder driven need to control others. 00:31:09.825 --> 00:31:15.745 This is also an issue, to control other people and control outcomes the way they want it. 00:31:15.745 --> 00:31:16.245 Okay? 00:31:16.305 --> 00:31:17.825 Because they cannot let go. 00:31:17.825 --> 00:31:24.340 They need to control things to a hyper degree so that they can get what they want, get what they need. 00:31:24.340 --> 00:31:24.840 Alright? 00:31:24.980 --> 00:31:28.040 And this is a very big problem in our culture as well. 00:31:28.740 --> 00:31:29.880 Excessive religiosity. 00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:31.380 We have this problem as well. 00:31:31.380 --> 00:31:43.975 People tend to hide their wounds or push away healing from the lord in any way, through being hyper religious, devotionalisms, highly moralistic, obsessive compulsive, scrupulosity. 00:31:44.355 --> 00:31:45.735 All these things happen. 00:31:45.875 --> 00:31:49.095 So excessive religiosity is also a factor. 00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:50.480 And then how about this one? 00:31:50.480 --> 00:31:51.440 Working through the pain. 00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:51.600 Hey. 00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:52.160 What about that? 00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:53.120 Isn't that something good? 00:31:53.120 --> 00:31:54.340 That's a positive one. 00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:54.900 Alright? 00:31:55.040 --> 00:31:56.960 Therapy and Medicaid assisted treatment. 00:31:56.960 --> 00:31:57.520 Of course. 00:31:57.520 --> 00:31:58.640 There's benefits to that. 00:31:58.640 --> 00:31:59.380 That's good. 00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:00.820 Sacraments, prayer, adoration. 00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:01.380 Hey. 00:32:01.520 --> 00:32:03.745 We're on the we're on the we're on the right track here. 00:32:03.745 --> 00:32:06.465 And that's what we wanna be able to call this at last one. 00:32:06.465 --> 00:32:06.865 Okay? 00:32:06.865 --> 00:32:07.985 Because people do do that one. 00:32:07.985 --> 00:32:09.345 They try to work through their stuff. 00:32:09.345 --> 00:32:09.845 Okay? 00:32:10.385 --> 00:32:11.425 So very good. 00:32:11.425 --> 00:32:11.905 Okay. 00:32:11.905 --> 00:32:15.765 So so four ways to approach a problem. 00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:18.260 It is from Marcia Lindenhund. 00:32:18.320 --> 00:32:19.060 Solve problem. 00:32:19.520 --> 00:32:19.760 Good. 00:32:19.760 --> 00:32:20.960 We can do that rationally. 00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:22.160 We can solve a problem. 00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:26.180 We can we need to change how you how we think of or perceive a problem. 00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:32.445 We talked about that earlier with cognitive behavioral, how we perceive things that could be wrong, like the comic strip we saw. 00:32:33.705 --> 00:32:34.925 We accept the problem. 00:32:34.985 --> 00:32:35.305 Hey. 00:32:35.305 --> 00:32:36.045 That's good. 00:32:37.465 --> 00:32:38.525 And stay miserable. 00:32:38.585 --> 00:32:40.445 And a lot of people choose to stay miserable. 00:32:40.825 --> 00:32:44.685 Some people not a lot of people not by choice, other people by choice. 00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:45.760 Okay? 00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:52.900 But usually not by choice because it's people suffer so grave grievely, grievously in their aloneness and isolation. 00:32:53.120 --> 00:32:53.440 Alright. 00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:53.940 Good. 00:32:54.320 --> 00:32:56.020 So that's Marshall enhanced. 00:32:57.375 --> 00:33:00.255 And then now, we're doing the, again, we're doing the potential. 00:33:00.255 --> 00:33:00.415 Right? 00:33:00.415 --> 00:33:03.235 We're doing potential solutions to alleviate loneliness. 00:33:03.375 --> 00:33:03.695 Alright? 00:33:03.695 --> 00:33:04.755 Potential solutions. 00:33:04.815 --> 00:33:05.315 Alright. 00:33:05.935 --> 00:33:07.235 Love is found in community. 00:33:07.455 --> 00:33:07.935 Good. 00:33:07.935 --> 00:33:10.035 We this is probably the number one thing. 00:33:10.580 --> 00:33:12.120 Building connections with others. 00:33:12.420 --> 00:33:12.820 Okay? 00:33:12.820 --> 00:33:14.820 Make efforts to initiate connection with others. 00:33:14.820 --> 00:33:17.080 Parish activities, small groups, bible study. 00:33:17.380 --> 00:33:17.780 Okay? 00:33:17.780 --> 00:33:19.560 Or make self available to others. 00:33:20.020 --> 00:33:20.980 Fellowship mass. 00:33:20.980 --> 00:33:21.300 Okay. 00:33:21.300 --> 00:33:22.660 This thing has to happen more. 00:33:22.660 --> 00:33:38.985 There's a lot of people who are isolated, even when they're, in church or, they don't they just go to mass and they everybody disperses and there's no real not most people probably just kind of go and go their own way, but some people, have parish activities that happen afterwards. 00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:47.900 I wrote an article called lost within the sheepfold, and this has to do with people who feel invisible among the 99 sheep as Jesus talks about the parable. 00:33:48.520 --> 00:33:49.740 Lost within the sheepfold. 00:33:50.040 --> 00:33:52.040 So there's a lot of people that yes. 00:33:52.040 --> 00:33:52.485 Sure. 00:33:52.805 --> 00:33:54.645 Jesus looks for that one lost sheep. 00:33:54.645 --> 00:33:55.125 Wonderful. 00:33:55.125 --> 00:33:56.325 And the Lord will do that. 00:33:56.325 --> 00:33:56.825 Okay? 00:33:56.885 --> 00:34:04.265 But there's some people in the 99 who are very lonely, and they're in they're among everybody, but they're alone. 00:34:04.725 --> 00:34:07.845 They feel alone in the group of 99 sheep. 00:34:07.845 --> 00:34:08.345 Okay? 00:34:08.610 --> 00:34:10.210 And this is a very sad thing. 00:34:10.210 --> 00:34:12.290 If you want to find that article, it's it's a short. 00:34:12.290 --> 00:34:14.950 It was in the Catholic Herald, lost within the sheepfold. 00:34:15.170 --> 00:34:15.670 Alright. 00:34:16.530 --> 00:34:18.050 So that's that's an issue too. 00:34:18.450 --> 00:34:20.370 Everybody's around them, but everybody's alone. 00:34:20.370 --> 00:34:24.625 They feel lonely, but everybody every peep there's people are surrounding them, but they feel alone. 00:34:24.925 --> 00:34:25.885 Something not right there. 00:34:25.885 --> 00:34:27.105 Something's wrong with that. 00:34:27.965 --> 00:34:29.485 This is a quote by Dorothy Day. 00:34:29.485 --> 00:34:34.285 We have all known the long loneliness, and the only real solution to loneliness is love. 00:34:34.285 --> 00:34:34.785 Hey. 00:34:35.245 --> 00:34:37.105 And that love is found in community. 00:34:37.165 --> 00:34:41.110 I mean, true community, okay, where people can be vulnerable with each other. 00:34:41.110 --> 00:34:45.210 They can share their hearts and feel safe to share their hearts with somebody. 00:34:45.430 --> 00:34:46.250 That's community. 00:34:46.390 --> 00:34:46.870 Okay? 00:34:46.870 --> 00:34:47.850 That's true intimacy. 00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:48.570 Okay? 00:34:50.375 --> 00:34:50.615 Alright. 00:34:50.615 --> 00:34:52.955 So utilize technology mindfully and responsibly. 00:34:53.095 --> 00:34:53.335 Okay. 00:34:53.335 --> 00:34:54.555 So we gotta do that. 00:34:54.615 --> 00:34:55.115 Alright? 00:34:55.175 --> 00:34:56.395 No pseudo companions. 00:34:56.455 --> 00:34:58.235 AI is a pseudo companion. 00:34:58.295 --> 00:34:59.275 They're not real. 00:34:59.495 --> 00:34:59.975 Okay? 00:34:59.975 --> 00:35:02.875 It's a generated, mimicked intelligence. 00:35:03.350 --> 00:35:07.430 There's things good things it says, but it cannot form a relationship. 00:35:07.430 --> 00:35:08.230 It's impossible. 00:35:08.230 --> 00:35:09.190 It never will. 00:35:09.190 --> 00:35:10.470 It cannot think for itself. 00:35:10.470 --> 00:35:13.130 Epistemologically, it cannot think for itself. 00:35:13.270 --> 00:35:18.045 They're programmed what they have to say, and they all have all the data they can gather, these AIs. 00:35:18.045 --> 00:35:20.545 So we have to be careful about AI relations. 00:35:20.605 --> 00:35:22.545 I got on once with Chad GBT. 00:35:22.925 --> 00:35:25.405 I couldn't believe the dialogue that was happening. 00:35:25.405 --> 00:35:26.465 I was like, really? 00:35:26.845 --> 00:35:27.745 That was unbelievable. 00:35:28.230 --> 00:35:29.590 And and but they're not real. 00:35:29.590 --> 00:35:29.830 Okay? 00:35:29.830 --> 00:35:32.710 They're not they can't be there's no human connection. 00:35:32.710 --> 00:35:33.670 There's no soul. 00:35:33.670 --> 00:35:34.170 Alright? 00:35:34.470 --> 00:35:34.970 Good. 00:35:35.190 --> 00:35:35.510 Okay. 00:35:35.510 --> 00:35:36.310 So let's move on. 00:35:36.310 --> 00:35:37.030 Number three. 00:35:37.030 --> 00:35:40.950 Finding so these are again, these are quick solutions that people we can do to deal with loneliness. 00:35:40.950 --> 00:35:42.730 Finding joy in serving others. 00:35:43.315 --> 00:35:46.535 Volunteering at a Catholic charity or ministry can help overcome loneliness. 00:35:46.675 --> 00:35:52.135 Paradoxically, it can foster a sense of joy as you're coming out of yourself. 00:35:52.195 --> 00:35:52.695 Okay? 00:35:52.995 --> 00:35:59.710 When you go out of the problem is that people tend to self deprecate, and they get too locked in themselves. 00:35:59.710 --> 00:36:01.550 They focus on their pain so much. 00:36:01.550 --> 00:36:03.010 They can't look outside themselves. 00:36:03.470 --> 00:36:16.225 So here, when you're serving through charities, again, bishop Shane talked about this, they can foster a sense of joy because you're forcing in a way to come out of yourself by doing something for somebody else. 00:36:16.285 --> 00:36:16.605 Okay. 00:36:16.605 --> 00:36:18.065 Finding joy in serving others. 00:36:19.165 --> 00:36:21.840 Embrace solitude and spiritual practices. 00:36:22.160 --> 00:36:22.480 Alright. 00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:22.880 Good. 00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:28.020 So embracing solitude will lead to deeper connection with god as long it doesn't turn to isolation. 00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:29.600 Solitude is a good thing. 00:36:29.600 --> 00:36:30.100 Alright? 00:36:30.720 --> 00:36:33.220 Meditate on passages that speaks of god's consolations. 00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:37.685 Remember, Christ experienced the fluid of feeling abandoned by the father. 00:36:37.685 --> 00:36:47.285 He was never abandoned by the father, but he felt he experienced the full weight of abandonment on the cross as we just celebrated, Lent and going into Easter. 00:36:47.285 --> 00:36:47.785 Okay? 00:36:48.260 --> 00:36:53.080 And then the three types of prayer, verbal prayer, mental prayer, meditation, and then contemplation. 00:36:53.620 --> 00:36:54.120 Alright. 00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:57.160 So embrace solitude and spiritual practices. 00:36:57.540 --> 00:37:01.640 That can help connection with the Lord, to alleviate loneliness. 00:37:01.860 --> 00:37:02.360 Alright? 00:37:03.785 --> 00:37:05.885 Finding peace in God's will for you. 00:37:06.265 --> 00:37:06.985 This is something. 00:37:06.985 --> 00:37:12.205 I would probably recommend everybody to read uniformity with God's will by saint Alphonsus Liguori. 00:37:12.665 --> 00:37:12.905 Yes. 00:37:12.905 --> 00:37:15.085 He struggled with obsessive compulsive issues. 00:37:15.590 --> 00:37:16.870 So so I heard. 00:37:17.110 --> 00:37:21.130 I don't have evidence of that, but I heard that, that he struggled with that. 00:37:21.590 --> 00:37:24.170 But only god can meet our deepest longings. 00:37:24.710 --> 00:37:26.330 No human can do that. 00:37:26.710 --> 00:37:28.950 No place or thing can make that happen. 00:37:28.950 --> 00:37:33.085 True peace can only be found by surrendering to god's divine plan. 00:37:33.305 --> 00:37:35.305 And this is hard for so many people. 00:37:35.305 --> 00:37:39.545 I struggle with this for twenty years of my life of what it means to surrender to god. 00:37:39.545 --> 00:37:43.645 I'm still not there, but we're working on it of surrendering. 00:37:43.785 --> 00:37:55.000 That means letting go, let trusting God and letting and and he will allow the loneliness for many people so that maybe they'll turn to God, lonely people who don't even believe. 00:37:55.460 --> 00:38:00.200 That loneliness, God allows people to feel so they can turn to God. 00:38:00.395 --> 00:38:00.555 Right? 00:38:00.555 --> 00:38:05.195 And then God will then step in when they, in their freedom, reach out to God. 00:38:05.195 --> 00:38:06.075 Lord, I need you. 00:38:06.075 --> 00:38:07.215 I'm just devastated. 00:38:07.595 --> 00:38:08.875 So they reach out to God. 00:38:08.875 --> 00:38:09.275 Okay. 00:38:09.275 --> 00:38:12.235 And then we want to be able to conform our wills to his will. 00:38:12.235 --> 00:38:15.110 That doesn't mean we our wills are are removed. 00:38:15.170 --> 00:38:19.270 We still have free choice, and we need to have that self possession of will. 00:38:19.330 --> 00:38:24.710 But then once we own that for our free will, then we wanna give it to the lord so he can guide our lives. 00:38:25.250 --> 00:38:33.525 And that's that's how that that that is a journey of spiritual fulfillment that requires years to work through. 00:38:33.525 --> 00:38:36.485 And so I recommend everybody maybe look at this. 00:38:36.485 --> 00:38:37.685 It's pretty intent. 00:38:37.685 --> 00:38:38.565 It's pretty good read. 00:38:38.565 --> 00:38:39.630 It's very good. 00:38:39.790 --> 00:38:41.870 It's probably one of the best classics I've ever read. 00:38:41.870 --> 00:38:43.490 Uniformity with God's will. 00:38:43.950 --> 00:38:44.770 Very good. 00:38:45.470 --> 00:38:46.910 Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. 00:38:46.910 --> 00:38:54.285 We wanna be able to meditate, to be grateful, to meditate on the good things that God has given us, and express the gratitude to the Lord. 00:38:54.445 --> 00:38:55.805 Lord, thank you for this. 00:38:55.805 --> 00:38:59.425 I got 99,000 problems around me, but this one thing is good. 00:38:59.645 --> 00:39:00.365 Thank you. 00:39:00.365 --> 00:39:01.805 I have my health or whatever. 00:39:01.805 --> 00:39:02.845 I have a home. 00:39:02.845 --> 00:39:03.645 Thank you, Lord. 00:39:03.645 --> 00:39:06.545 And we wanna be able to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. 00:39:07.110 --> 00:39:07.350 Okay. 00:39:07.350 --> 00:39:08.070 Very good. 00:39:08.070 --> 00:39:14.310 I don't wanna explain now the you maybe look at that if you want later the 12 tribes to march into battle in the old testament. 00:39:14.310 --> 00:39:14.630 Okay. 00:39:14.630 --> 00:39:16.490 So Judah literally means praise. 00:39:16.550 --> 00:39:16.950 Okay? 00:39:16.950 --> 00:39:18.170 That's what Judah means. 00:39:18.390 --> 00:39:24.345 And they were one of the tribes of the 12 tribes of Israel, and they're the ones that led the march into battle or the when they traveled. 00:39:24.345 --> 00:39:38.770 Judah is they're the ones they praise God, and they're the ones that led the other 11 tribes of Israel, when they did, either battle or they traveled with the tabernacle to different locations in, in Israel. 00:39:39.550 --> 00:39:40.030 Okay. 00:39:40.030 --> 00:39:42.350 So praising and thanking god. 00:39:42.350 --> 00:39:43.390 That's a good thing. 00:39:43.390 --> 00:39:44.210 Very good. 00:39:46.030 --> 00:39:51.385 Realize loneliness will remain if you rely on the four p's, power, pleasure, popularity, possessions. 00:39:52.165 --> 00:39:52.665 Okay. 00:39:52.725 --> 00:39:54.665 If we rely on those, I said rely. 00:39:54.805 --> 00:39:59.065 There's nothing wrong with power, nothing wrong with pleasure, nothing wrong with popularity, nothing wrong with possessions. 00:39:59.445 --> 00:40:03.945 But if you rely on those and they replace god, then you got a problem. 00:40:04.085 --> 00:40:04.585 Alright? 00:40:05.340 --> 00:40:06.240 Then there's isolation. 00:40:06.380 --> 00:40:07.340 Again, there's loneliness. 00:40:07.340 --> 00:40:13.520 All these things stem from would would bring about deep loneliness for so many people, confusion, mental illness. 00:40:14.700 --> 00:40:15.920 Seek professional help. 00:40:15.980 --> 00:40:16.380 Okay. 00:40:16.380 --> 00:40:16.700 Good. 00:40:16.700 --> 00:40:17.180 Here we go. 00:40:17.180 --> 00:40:20.855 Loneliness persists persists, or significant impacts well-being. 00:40:21.315 --> 00:40:24.915 Seeking professional help can help be helpful as a means to an end. 00:40:24.915 --> 00:40:26.275 Therapy is not an end in itself. 00:40:26.275 --> 00:40:27.715 Therapy is a means to an end. 00:40:27.715 --> 00:40:31.655 It's supposed to be a means toward helping others to help people find their ways. 00:40:31.795 --> 00:40:32.295 Okay? 00:40:32.915 --> 00:40:35.210 And, very good. 00:40:35.210 --> 00:40:38.210 Also, you can seek spiritual direction, right, for clergy religious. 00:40:38.210 --> 00:40:39.310 It can be female. 00:40:39.530 --> 00:40:40.190 It's okay. 00:40:40.410 --> 00:40:41.210 If they're available. 00:40:41.210 --> 00:40:43.710 If they make themselves available, priests are always busy. 00:40:43.850 --> 00:40:44.170 Alright? 00:40:44.170 --> 00:40:50.515 And they got a congregation and a flock to to govern, either shepherd as a bishop or a priest in his parish. 00:40:50.515 --> 00:40:51.395 So, yeah, they're busy. 00:40:51.395 --> 00:40:51.715 Okay. 00:40:51.715 --> 00:40:54.515 But, you have to search. 00:40:54.515 --> 00:40:55.015 Okay? 00:40:56.275 --> 00:40:56.675 Okay. 00:40:56.675 --> 00:40:58.115 Well, this leads us to number c. 00:40:58.115 --> 00:41:00.295 This is we're at seven fourteen now. 00:41:00.435 --> 00:41:02.890 Seek professional help, a deeper dive. 00:41:02.890 --> 00:41:03.130 Okay. 00:41:03.130 --> 00:41:04.810 So we talked about this. 00:41:04.810 --> 00:41:07.630 We talked about the eight points of bring some alleviation. 00:41:08.250 --> 00:41:08.570 Okay. 00:41:08.570 --> 00:41:13.390 Now we wanna move into the see professional about a deeper dive, our last section. 00:41:13.850 --> 00:41:14.170 Okay. 00:41:14.170 --> 00:41:18.025 So three ways to help alleviate loneliness by helping people connect to themselves. 00:41:18.165 --> 00:41:18.665 Alright? 00:41:19.205 --> 00:41:20.645 Helping people connect to themselves. 00:41:20.645 --> 00:41:21.525 This is gonna be important. 00:41:21.525 --> 00:41:26.665 We talked about this earlier, of low knowing what I feel, express how I feel. 00:41:26.725 --> 00:41:30.710 I own what I feel or think, and I could claim it. 00:41:30.710 --> 00:41:32.090 And I have self possession. 00:41:32.150 --> 00:41:33.370 I know who I am. 00:41:33.510 --> 00:41:34.950 I could say yes to this person. 00:41:34.950 --> 00:41:36.410 I can say no to this person. 00:41:36.870 --> 00:41:38.890 And if they get upset, I'm sorry. 00:41:39.750 --> 00:41:40.230 Okay? 00:41:40.230 --> 00:41:45.565 And you don't get bent out of shape if they get upset because there's a sense of authenticity. 00:41:45.785 --> 00:41:47.005 I know who I am. 00:41:47.065 --> 00:41:52.045 It could be also self agency, or self efficacy, self agency. 00:41:52.105 --> 00:41:53.545 I'm the cause of my actions. 00:41:53.545 --> 00:41:54.285 Self agency. 00:41:54.345 --> 00:41:55.245 I'm the cause. 00:41:55.700 --> 00:41:56.820 I am nobody else. 00:41:56.820 --> 00:42:01.140 I am the cause of what I do, what I choose, what I don't, what I choose not to do. 00:42:01.140 --> 00:42:01.640 Okay. 00:42:01.860 --> 00:42:05.780 That's self agency, and we want to be able to have that and work toward it. 00:42:05.780 --> 00:42:08.440 Doc Garber Amanti refers to this as authenticity. 00:42:09.265 --> 00:42:11.925 Self differentiation is a a systems theory. 00:42:12.625 --> 00:42:15.605 Another way of looking at that is another form of self possession. 00:42:15.905 --> 00:42:17.185 Possession meaning I possess. 00:42:17.185 --> 00:42:18.085 I own myself. 00:42:18.145 --> 00:42:18.645 Okay? 00:42:19.345 --> 00:42:26.440 And that is from, the systems theory, Murray, Bowen theory, which I love. 00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:27.560 Murray Bowen is just awesome. 00:42:27.560 --> 00:42:28.520 I love systems theory. 00:42:28.520 --> 00:42:29.420 It's very good. 00:42:29.560 --> 00:42:31.100 I don't have to get into that now. 00:42:32.600 --> 00:42:39.625 But it's important to know that, because systems theory talks about the family dynamic. 00:42:40.165 --> 00:42:40.325 Okay? 00:42:40.325 --> 00:42:45.385 It talks about the interaction between family members or extended family, whatever. 00:42:45.765 --> 00:42:51.365 And, when I see a family or a couple, the the patient is not the individual person. 00:42:51.365 --> 00:42:53.340 The patient is the couple. 00:42:53.340 --> 00:42:58.220 The patient is the family as one unit, and that's systems theory. 00:42:58.220 --> 00:43:00.940 And we wanna look at the interactions between the family members. 00:43:00.940 --> 00:43:11.905 So systems theory is very, very good, because it can help alleviate loneliness by people speaking their truth to out work out verbally to other people, and that's so important to do. 00:43:12.285 --> 00:43:12.525 Okay. 00:43:12.525 --> 00:43:15.825 Now, we're gonna we're gonna attempt this. 00:43:16.685 --> 00:43:18.545 This is a video by Gabor Mate. 00:43:19.405 --> 00:43:21.505 He's Hungarian like me. 00:43:22.520 --> 00:43:27.080 He's from Canada like me, but he's Jewish. 00:43:27.080 --> 00:43:27.880 And that's wonderful. 00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:28.120 Okay. 00:43:28.120 --> 00:43:28.520 Good. 00:43:28.520 --> 00:43:29.480 God bless him. 00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:31.240 And he's doing very good work. 00:43:31.240 --> 00:43:38.775 He gets it, and I think his work is a catalyst toward, a good Catholic psychology. 00:43:38.915 --> 00:43:39.415 Okay? 00:43:40.035 --> 00:43:47.015 So I'm gonna try on my end here, and we'll see how things go. 00:43:47.555 --> 00:43:51.335 It's four it's a four minute video, and let's see what he's got to say. 00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:54.180 This is an authentic attachment on authenticity. 00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:56.900 Let me set the stage for you just very briefly. 00:43:57.200 --> 00:44:03.680 The attachment is people who need to have that sense of closeness, that sense of I need to be close. 00:44:03.680 --> 00:44:06.100 I need to feel connected with other people. 00:44:06.425 --> 00:44:10.985 And that's a prime primary fundamental need for every human being on on the planet. 00:44:10.985 --> 00:44:11.485 Okay? 00:44:11.705 --> 00:44:14.445 We'll get to God on that topic in a second. 00:44:14.905 --> 00:44:26.910 Authenticity, again, is, like I said, is the ability to self differentiate, to be oneself, to be authentically yourself, to connect to yourself, to know what you feel, how you feel, how you think, and I own that. 00:44:26.910 --> 00:44:27.410 Okay? 00:44:27.470 --> 00:44:28.510 This is so important. 00:44:28.510 --> 00:44:29.310 We lost that. 00:44:29.310 --> 00:44:29.810 Okay? 00:44:30.110 --> 00:44:30.430 Okay. 00:44:30.430 --> 00:44:33.970 So I'm gonna try this on the tally and see how food this works. 00:44:34.750 --> 00:44:35.970 And here we go. 00:44:39.945 --> 00:44:42.205 When a child is born, the child has two needs. 00:44:43.145 --> 00:44:48.605 The first need is for attachment, and attachment is contact, connection, love. 00:44:49.545 --> 00:44:51.730 Without that, the human child does not survive. 00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:55.410 Any any mammalian child or even an avian child doesn't survive. 00:44:55.410 --> 00:45:00.630 So that as soon as you get past the level of reptiles, the reptile is is hatched. 00:45:01.330 --> 00:45:08.865 The mother's long gone by then, and the little reptile infant either lives or dies, but there's no attachment to a parenting figure. 00:45:10.125 --> 00:45:15.265 As soon as you get to the level of birds now, the baby bird has to be have an attachment with the parents. 00:45:15.485 --> 00:45:17.505 The parents have to be attached to the baby. 00:45:17.885 --> 00:45:19.985 Otherwise, the infant simply does not survive. 00:45:22.170 --> 00:45:34.270 Mammalian's even more so and most so the human because we're the least developed, the least mature with the least developed brains, and the most dependent for the longest period of time of any creature in the universe. 00:45:34.330 --> 00:45:43.455 So our attachment needs are enormous, and they remain important to our lifetime because we have to have attachments to foreign society, social groups without which we don't survive. 00:45:43.995 --> 00:45:45.535 So attachment is a huge need. 00:45:45.755 --> 00:45:50.830 We have to connect, belong, be loved by, and love. 00:45:51.210 --> 00:45:53.070 That's just a basic human need. 00:45:54.890 --> 00:45:57.390 But we have another need as well, which is for authenticity. 00:45:57.530 --> 00:46:09.335 Authenticity is the capacity, as I said earlier, to, know what we feel, to be in touch with our bodies, and to be able to express who we are and manifest who we are in our activities and in our relationships. 00:46:10.355 --> 00:46:11.155 Now why is that? 00:46:11.155 --> 00:46:17.335 Well, I think of a human being in evolutionary period who's not in touch with their body and their gut feelings. 00:46:17.875 --> 00:46:20.055 How long do they survive out there in the wild? 00:46:20.595 --> 00:46:23.710 So authenticity is another huge survival need. 00:46:25.450 --> 00:46:25.950 Great. 00:46:26.970 --> 00:46:28.110 So far so good. 00:46:28.170 --> 00:46:34.030 But what happens to a child where the attachment need is not compatible with the need for authenticity? 00:46:34.775 --> 00:46:38.555 In other words, if I'm authentic, my parents will reject me. 00:46:40.215 --> 00:46:50.370 If I feel what I feel and express what I feel and insist on my own truth, my parents can't handle it. 00:46:51.710 --> 00:46:55.570 And parents can be able to messages unconsciously all the time. 00:46:56.030 --> 00:47:05.595 Not because they mean to, not because they don't love the child, not because they're not trying to do their best, but because they themselves are suppressed or traumatized or hurt or stressed. 00:47:06.455 --> 00:47:12.215 So I convey that message many times to my children, believe me, without any conscious desire to do so. 00:47:12.215 --> 00:47:15.115 In fact, it was the very opposite of what I wish to convey. 00:47:15.980 --> 00:47:22.220 But that they're not acceptable the way they are with their emotions the way they are, that's the message my kids got whenever small. 00:47:22.220 --> 00:47:26.080 And most children get that now to say, what does the child do with that? 00:47:26.300 --> 00:47:31.395 Well, if I give up my attachment for the sake of authenticity, I lose my relationships so much my life depends. 00:47:32.675 --> 00:47:33.975 Therefore, there's no question. 00:47:34.275 --> 00:47:37.175 What becomes suppressed is our authenticity, our emotions. 00:47:38.995 --> 00:47:43.735 And then we become twenty five and thirty or 35, 40, and we don't know who we are. 00:47:44.620 --> 00:47:45.900 And somebody asks us, what do you feel? 00:47:45.900 --> 00:47:47.040 You say, I have no idea. 00:47:48.780 --> 00:47:53.580 And how many times we've all had the experience of having an inkling of a strong gut feeling? 00:47:53.580 --> 00:47:54.880 Are we ignoring it? 00:47:55.260 --> 00:47:57.200 Are we ignoring it if we get into trouble? 00:47:58.595 --> 00:47:59.795 Well, that tells us what happened. 00:47:59.795 --> 00:48:08.535 What happened was that at some point, we found out it was too costly for our attachment relationships to be in touch with our gut feelings. 00:48:09.395 --> 00:48:18.490 So then it becomes a first not our first nature, but our second nature to suppress our feelings, to lose touch with ourselves, and to suppress our gut feelings. 00:48:18.790 --> 00:48:24.570 And then we pay the cost later on in the form of addiction as mental illness or any range of physical illnesses. 00:48:25.885 --> 00:48:36.465 What it all began with this tragic conflict that children should never be confronted with, but are all the time between authenticity on the one hand and attachment on the other. 00:48:37.005 --> 00:48:52.110 And even as adults, so many people are suffering because they wanna be themselves, but their fate to be because they know or at least they fear that if they do saw us, they're gonna lose important attachment relations in their life. 00:48:58.695 --> 00:48:59.195 Okay. 00:48:59.255 --> 00:48:59.995 Very good. 00:49:00.775 --> 00:49:01.255 Alright. 00:49:01.255 --> 00:49:04.155 So, we have the authenticity and attachment. 00:49:04.215 --> 00:49:12.830 So his point is people would would give up their authentic selves by not speaking their minds or their hearts to others. 00:49:14.410 --> 00:49:19.630 So they should compress and suppress that because the relationship is most important. 00:49:20.475 --> 00:49:27.215 If I express my honest feelings or thoughts to somebody, they may reject me, and so they keep it to themselves. 00:49:27.835 --> 00:49:29.295 Spouses do it all the time. 00:49:29.355 --> 00:49:30.655 Not all, but a lot. 00:49:31.435 --> 00:49:33.435 They suppress and repress their feelings. 00:49:33.435 --> 00:49:41.460 So, therefore, that will cause a deep internalized depression within them and isolation and loneliness because they can't express themselves. 00:49:41.460 --> 00:49:48.120 They're too afraid of losing their relationship, so they suppress their true selves, their feelings, everything. 00:49:48.180 --> 00:49:48.500 Okay. 00:49:48.500 --> 00:49:49.305 That's a problem. 00:49:49.305 --> 00:49:50.265 So this is very important. 00:49:50.265 --> 00:49:56.525 I brought I wanna show you this because this is quite nice distinction that he makes, this dichotomy that he describes. 00:49:56.905 --> 00:49:57.405 Okay? 00:49:57.865 --> 00:50:00.265 And I hope that was helpful to see. 00:50:00.265 --> 00:50:05.580 So he says also, when we we repress our emotions, we repress our immune system. 00:50:06.440 --> 00:50:06.920 Yeah. 00:50:06.920 --> 00:50:08.380 He he backed that up with research. 00:50:09.400 --> 00:50:11.020 This is a a difficult thing. 00:50:11.080 --> 00:50:20.355 When people repress, they can become doing so, they can end up by doing any of the three of the following or all even. 00:50:20.495 --> 00:50:26.435 Mental illness, okay, chemical or behavioral addictions, you name it, or medical conditions. 00:50:26.655 --> 00:50:38.200 If people repress their immune system or repress their emotions, that that compromises the immune system to fight disease and bacteria and all that, especially disease, autoimmune disease. 00:50:38.340 --> 00:50:38.840 Okay? 00:50:39.380 --> 00:50:43.160 They can develop medical problems if people do that their whole lives. 00:50:43.425 --> 00:50:43.825 Okay? 00:50:43.825 --> 00:50:47.425 The body needs to always restore and integrate body, soul. 00:50:47.425 --> 00:50:56.805 We need to learn to feel our feelings and express or at least acknowledge to ourselves our true feelings or thoughts either within or within ourselves to another human being or to god. 00:50:57.250 --> 00:50:57.490 Okay. 00:50:57.490 --> 00:50:59.030 Hopefully, to God, we can. 00:50:59.090 --> 00:51:03.810 But other people not other people because they don't trust sharing their true selves. 00:51:03.810 --> 00:51:04.310 Okay? 00:51:04.850 --> 00:51:13.835 And if parents do that to their children, that they're going to suppress their their true natures, and then they're going to pay in the form of mental illness, addictions, or medical problems. 00:51:14.375 --> 00:51:14.615 Okay. 00:51:14.615 --> 00:51:18.215 Doesn't they they they may not, but it can happen that way. 00:51:18.215 --> 00:51:18.615 Alright. 00:51:18.615 --> 00:51:19.115 Good. 00:51:21.015 --> 00:51:31.980 The dangers of suppressing one's authentic self, loss of authenticity, which is the ability to express one's true thoughts, feelings with others out of fear of being rejected, not loved, yelled at, criticized, judged, or teased. 00:51:32.360 --> 00:51:32.860 Alright? 00:51:34.600 --> 00:51:38.200 So because that's happened so often, yeah, you're gonna shut down. 00:51:38.200 --> 00:51:42.555 You're gonna shut you're not gonna you're not gonna trust anybody to share your true self with. 00:51:43.035 --> 00:51:48.975 As a result, many people suppress their authentic selves to keep their attachments, their relationships, just as God Ramonte said. 00:51:49.435 --> 00:51:49.915 Okay. 00:51:49.915 --> 00:51:53.695 The fundamental need for everybody is to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. 00:51:53.755 --> 00:51:55.140 God designed it that way. 00:51:55.700 --> 00:52:02.760 Many people and then money says many people suffer from the please love me syndrome, the please love me syndrome. 00:52:03.700 --> 00:52:04.500 I need to be loved. 00:52:04.500 --> 00:52:08.440 They would probably say it, but that's probably what's happening for so many people. 00:52:08.685 --> 00:52:13.985 Again, isolation, alone in their pain, unable to express, don't feel safe. 00:52:14.365 --> 00:52:14.865 Alright? 00:52:15.005 --> 00:52:16.925 So we have to be safe for other people. 00:52:16.925 --> 00:52:17.165 Alright. 00:52:17.165 --> 00:52:19.485 I'm I'm gonna get to the solutions as we go on this. 00:52:19.485 --> 00:52:19.885 Alright. 00:52:19.885 --> 00:52:21.265 So let's keep moving on. 00:52:21.485 --> 00:52:21.985 Mindfulness. 00:52:22.410 --> 00:52:23.850 So how do we connect to ourselves? 00:52:23.850 --> 00:52:29.290 We're talking about number one here, how to connect oneself, right, as we did here. 00:52:29.290 --> 00:52:29.690 Boom. 00:52:29.690 --> 00:52:29.850 Boom. 00:52:29.850 --> 00:52:30.350 Boom. 00:52:30.410 --> 00:52:30.650 Right? 00:52:30.650 --> 00:52:32.190 Helping people connect to themselves. 00:52:32.810 --> 00:52:35.150 One way is mindfulness, how to be mindful. 00:52:35.530 --> 00:52:40.595 It is to be aware of what's going on inside you without judgment without judgment. 00:52:40.595 --> 00:52:42.115 I don't care what I'm feeling or thinking. 00:52:42.115 --> 00:52:43.415 I'm not gonna judge it. 00:52:43.475 --> 00:52:43.875 Alright? 00:52:43.875 --> 00:52:46.115 God allows that to be there for a reason. 00:52:46.115 --> 00:52:46.615 Alright? 00:52:47.235 --> 00:52:51.600 Whatever struggle you have, turmoil, emotional pain, you wanna be aware of it. 00:52:51.600 --> 00:52:54.100 It's a movement toward becoming aware, mindfulness. 00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:58.480 Be aware of yourself, your surroundings in the here and the present moment. 00:52:58.480 --> 00:52:59.600 God is in the present moment. 00:52:59.600 --> 00:53:00.480 He's not in the past. 00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:01.280 He's not in the future. 00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:02.820 He's in the present always. 00:53:03.795 --> 00:53:04.035 Okay. 00:53:04.035 --> 00:53:09.175 It's a repetitive chosen act of redirecting what's attention to only one thing at a time each moment. 00:53:09.315 --> 00:53:09.715 Alright. 00:53:09.715 --> 00:53:10.215 Good. 00:53:10.595 --> 00:53:12.355 So, you can look at this if you want. 00:53:12.355 --> 00:53:19.990 To do to the present moment, when I was I was at Madonna House for a year and a half, a gift of God, after my conversion to the Catholic faith. 00:53:19.990 --> 00:53:21.510 I went to Madonna House in Canada. 00:53:21.510 --> 00:53:25.750 It's in Ottawa, near Ottawa, and Catherine Dorey talked about the due to the present moment. 00:53:25.750 --> 00:53:26.950 It's the most perfect place to be. 00:53:26.950 --> 00:53:28.470 I tell my clients this all the time. 00:53:28.470 --> 00:53:30.150 Live in the moment for the love of God. 00:53:30.150 --> 00:53:31.050 Live in the moment. 00:53:31.245 --> 00:53:32.625 Live in the present moment. 00:53:32.925 --> 00:53:39.905 You can there's nothing wrong with going to the past or going to the future, but people have a difficult time being in the present because the present is difficult. 00:53:40.365 --> 00:53:40.865 Okay? 00:53:41.405 --> 00:53:48.010 When they're busy, sure, they can be present in the present moment because they're focusing on the present task that they're doing. 00:53:48.010 --> 00:53:53.150 But living but doing at the present moment is what what does god want me to do at this particular moment? 00:53:53.290 --> 00:53:57.290 The my due to the present moment right now is giving this presentation to you. 00:53:57.290 --> 00:54:04.155 Your due to the present moment is is listening and, what what what I'm saying here to you, what we're trying to present here. 00:54:04.535 --> 00:54:07.015 So look up due to the present moment by Katharine Doherty. 00:54:07.015 --> 00:54:10.775 And, she's kinda like a Dorothy Day figure, kinda mother Trisha is. 00:54:10.775 --> 00:54:13.380 She she's up for cause for for, canonization. 00:54:13.380 --> 00:54:15.500 I think she's absurd of god at this point. 00:54:15.740 --> 00:54:16.640 Catherine Doherty. 00:54:16.860 --> 00:54:19.340 And her community is, in Madonna House in Canada. 00:54:19.340 --> 00:54:20.240 Beautiful place. 00:54:21.020 --> 00:54:23.040 Boy, you want your loneliness to disappear. 00:54:24.300 --> 00:54:28.695 You'll connect to it if you go to Madonna House, but then you'll be healing. 00:54:28.695 --> 00:54:30.855 God God is very present there. 00:54:30.855 --> 00:54:34.295 There's priests, there's women, men, and priests that live there in communities. 00:54:34.295 --> 00:54:34.795 Beautiful. 00:54:35.095 --> 00:54:35.995 Madonna House. 00:54:36.135 --> 00:54:36.535 Okay? 00:54:36.535 --> 00:54:37.995 They have a house here in Virginia. 00:54:38.055 --> 00:54:38.455 Okay? 00:54:38.615 --> 00:54:40.135 They have them all over the world, actually. 00:54:40.135 --> 00:54:41.895 They have field houses all over the world. 00:54:41.895 --> 00:54:42.390 Okay? 00:54:42.790 --> 00:54:45.990 So Madonna House, it was a very healing time for me to be at Madonna House. 00:54:45.990 --> 00:54:47.450 It was a year and a half for me. 00:54:47.830 --> 00:54:49.910 And there's community, but it's suffering. 00:54:49.910 --> 00:54:50.550 But it's okay. 00:54:50.550 --> 00:54:57.370 God allows us suffering so that we can look at ourselves and ask God for healing and to depend on God to bring about that healing. 00:54:58.155 --> 00:54:58.655 Okay. 00:54:59.275 --> 00:54:59.775 Good. 00:55:00.395 --> 00:55:00.795 Alright. 00:55:00.795 --> 00:55:02.235 Connecting themselves, view the emotions. 00:55:02.235 --> 00:55:02.715 Okay. 00:55:02.715 --> 00:55:04.015 So oh, boy. 00:55:04.235 --> 00:55:05.055 Our emotions. 00:55:05.595 --> 00:55:06.075 Okay. 00:55:06.075 --> 00:55:07.455 Quick thing on my emotions. 00:55:07.515 --> 00:55:08.795 Not to be afraid of them. 00:55:08.795 --> 00:55:09.295 Okay? 00:55:09.355 --> 00:55:10.555 It's okay to feel pleasure. 00:55:10.555 --> 00:55:12.030 It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. 00:55:12.670 --> 00:55:14.290 Emotions have no more connotation. 00:55:14.350 --> 00:55:16.130 There are no bad or sinful emotions. 00:55:16.270 --> 00:55:17.010 It's impossible. 00:55:17.470 --> 00:55:17.970 Alright? 00:55:18.430 --> 00:55:19.390 Sin is in the will. 00:55:19.390 --> 00:55:20.770 It is not in the emotions. 00:55:20.910 --> 00:55:25.905 Sin is in what I choose in freedom, do good or avoid evil. 00:55:25.905 --> 00:55:26.385 Okay? 00:55:26.385 --> 00:55:27.685 Or to do evil. 00:55:27.825 --> 00:55:28.225 Okay? 00:55:28.225 --> 00:55:30.305 It's in the will, never in our emotions. 00:55:30.305 --> 00:55:34.565 So don't ever feel bad if you feel sexual, anger, even if you feel hate. 00:55:34.625 --> 00:55:35.125 Okay? 00:55:35.265 --> 00:55:37.205 God says, don't will hate. 00:55:37.550 --> 00:55:39.630 He doesn't wanna that's a different thing. 00:55:39.630 --> 00:55:45.170 To feel hate for someone causing injury to you, of course, you're gonna have feelings of hate or anger or sadness. 00:55:45.390 --> 00:55:45.630 Okay? 00:55:45.630 --> 00:55:46.450 That's normal. 00:55:46.670 --> 00:55:47.170 Okay? 00:55:47.470 --> 00:55:51.470 But people are afraid of offending god, so they don't feel those things. 00:55:51.470 --> 00:55:52.395 They repress it. 00:55:52.555 --> 00:55:52.875 Okay? 00:55:52.875 --> 00:55:55.295 So don't be afraid of that, of your emotions. 00:55:55.355 --> 00:55:56.155 They're all good. 00:55:56.155 --> 00:55:58.715 God gave them for a reason for us. 00:55:58.715 --> 00:55:59.215 Alright? 00:56:00.155 --> 00:56:01.995 All emotions in their pure state are good. 00:56:01.995 --> 00:56:07.775 Like I said, they arise spontaneously and are to be guided by the will informed by reason. 00:56:08.140 --> 00:56:08.380 Alright. 00:56:08.380 --> 00:56:12.540 The emotions are subservient to reason and will. 00:56:12.540 --> 00:56:13.040 Okay? 00:56:14.220 --> 00:56:16.780 All emotions are accompanied by physiological changes. 00:56:16.780 --> 00:56:17.180 Oh, boy. 00:56:17.180 --> 00:56:17.340 Okay. 00:56:17.340 --> 00:56:23.715 I can't get into the details of basically, when you feel an emotion, you gotta allow the physiological changes to happen. 00:56:23.715 --> 00:56:28.695 For example, if I'm angry, you wanna let the blood pressure flow into your body. 00:56:28.835 --> 00:56:30.695 You wanna let your face turn red. 00:56:30.915 --> 00:56:33.395 Or if you're anxious, you wanna let yourself shake. 00:56:33.395 --> 00:56:38.590 These are all sympathetic, nervous systems that are happening that are meant to happen. 00:56:38.970 --> 00:56:49.150 So when there's an emotion, you wanna let yourself experience in through your body the emotion state that, will influence your bodily reactions. 00:56:49.385 --> 00:56:51.245 This is so important, so critical. 00:56:51.465 --> 00:56:58.425 This is the work of Conrad Barzin and Aturu that developed this these points, making it very clear. 00:56:58.425 --> 00:57:01.545 So when there's an emotion, you're there's a physiological reaction. 00:57:01.545 --> 00:57:04.020 You must allow the physiological reaction to happen. 00:57:04.100 --> 00:57:05.540 This is connecting to yourself. 00:57:05.540 --> 00:57:06.040 Okay? 00:57:06.180 --> 00:57:07.720 This is how we connect to ourselves. 00:57:08.340 --> 00:57:10.180 Don't don't have to be afraid of any feelings. 00:57:10.180 --> 00:57:11.540 Just let them be there. 00:57:11.540 --> 00:57:15.160 And you can even ask the Lord to help you process these emotions. 00:57:15.300 --> 00:57:15.800 Okay? 00:57:15.860 --> 00:57:22.615 It's so important that you don't repress, but you, allow these things to happen in your body without fear without fear. 00:57:22.615 --> 00:57:23.095 Okay? 00:57:23.095 --> 00:57:23.895 There's no need to fear. 00:57:23.895 --> 00:57:25.255 Fear is useless, says the lord. 00:57:25.255 --> 00:57:25.755 Right? 00:57:25.895 --> 00:57:26.295 Alright. 00:57:26.295 --> 00:57:26.795 Good. 00:57:27.575 --> 00:57:30.155 Every emotion does not need to be expressed or gratified. 00:57:30.375 --> 00:57:30.695 Okay? 00:57:30.695 --> 00:57:35.180 Because every emotion is meant to be felt or experienced in and through the body. 00:57:35.400 --> 00:57:36.700 They don't have to be expressed. 00:57:36.840 --> 00:57:39.400 Anger, explosion, acting out, expressing. 00:57:39.400 --> 00:57:40.360 You don't have to do that. 00:57:40.360 --> 00:57:44.600 Long as you feel anger and you're angry at someone, let yourself be angry. 00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:52.635 You don't have to punch the guy or the girl, but you have to let yourself feel it and and but you have to have reason always guide your emotional state. 00:57:52.635 --> 00:57:52.875 Okay? 00:57:52.875 --> 00:57:56.395 It would be stupid to hit my boss if he threatens to fire me. 00:57:56.395 --> 00:57:56.715 Okay? 00:57:56.715 --> 00:57:57.915 Pretty stupid thing to do. 00:57:57.915 --> 00:57:58.395 Okay? 00:57:58.395 --> 00:57:59.970 And I get angry and I hit him. 00:57:59.970 --> 00:58:00.210 Okay. 00:58:00.210 --> 00:58:02.770 So my reason reason should tell me, don't do that. 00:58:02.770 --> 00:58:04.690 So my hopefully, I'll listen to that and go, okay. 00:58:04.690 --> 00:58:04.930 Yeah. 00:58:04.930 --> 00:58:06.230 Oh, I'll feel my motion. 00:58:06.370 --> 00:58:08.150 I'll experience it in my body. 00:58:08.290 --> 00:58:08.790 Alright? 00:58:09.010 --> 00:58:18.815 And, I'm not gonna act out like that because reason is informing the reality of what I should do in the situation, and then my will makes the decision not to act out. 00:58:18.955 --> 00:58:21.055 Very this is so critical. 00:58:21.195 --> 00:58:21.595 Okay. 00:58:21.595 --> 00:58:22.095 Good. 00:58:22.315 --> 00:58:23.595 So so far so good. 00:58:23.595 --> 00:58:27.775 I know I'm gonna, I'm moving moving into oh, okay. 00:58:28.360 --> 00:58:29.720 So I'm gonna keep going here. 00:58:29.720 --> 00:58:38.680 Just, Michelle or, just let me know when I need to, bring it to a close. 00:58:38.680 --> 00:58:39.000 Okay? 00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:40.680 But I'm we're going here. 00:58:40.680 --> 00:58:41.480 I'm gonna continue. 00:58:41.480 --> 00:58:42.760 There's not too many left. 00:58:42.760 --> 00:58:43.740 I'm gonna continue. 00:58:44.975 --> 00:58:49.135 And so this is now number two, helping people connect to others around them. 00:58:49.135 --> 00:58:55.695 So this is, now this is the attachment relationships that governor Monte was talking about, forming a communion of persons. 00:58:55.695 --> 00:58:56.015 Okay. 00:58:56.015 --> 00:58:56.735 Oh, it's beautiful. 00:58:56.735 --> 00:59:00.740 We're gonna move in now to Catholicism here, okay, in this third third section. 00:59:01.200 --> 00:59:02.320 So this is number two. 00:59:02.320 --> 00:59:02.820 Alright. 00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:05.520 I'm gonna, in a way, skip this one. 00:59:05.520 --> 00:59:08.980 Coregulation is a necessary prerequisite for self regulation. 00:59:09.120 --> 00:59:09.620 Okay. 00:59:09.920 --> 00:59:11.280 So look at the image there. 00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:12.160 People are alone. 00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:13.840 There's an inner child in the picture. 00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:21.805 If you notice the picture, there's two inner children inside the cells that are isolated looking at each other, wanting to connect. 00:59:22.025 --> 00:59:26.205 I found this I found this beautiful, so I had to, I had to use it. 00:59:26.425 --> 00:59:28.825 So, okay, those are the history of trauma, abuse, and neglect. 00:59:28.825 --> 00:59:33.660 The autonomic nervous systems have been shaped away from connection and more toward protection. 00:59:33.720 --> 00:59:34.040 Okay. 00:59:34.040 --> 00:59:36.700 So people, in other words, they don't connect. 00:59:37.160 --> 00:59:39.640 They have to protect themselves because they don't trust. 00:59:39.640 --> 00:59:43.395 That's coregulation is ability for two people to feel safe with each other. 00:59:43.475 --> 00:59:44.295 That's coregulation. 00:59:44.755 --> 00:59:46.195 I feel safe with this person. 00:59:46.195 --> 00:59:47.795 I can be myself with this person. 00:59:47.795 --> 00:59:48.195 Wow. 00:59:48.195 --> 00:59:49.335 Wouldn't that be something? 00:59:49.875 --> 00:59:53.155 And they are able to coregulate in their relationship back and forth. 00:59:53.155 --> 00:59:53.475 Okay? 00:59:53.475 --> 00:59:55.075 Just like an infant and a mother. 00:59:55.075 --> 00:59:55.715 Oh, here we go. 00:59:55.715 --> 00:59:56.375 Right here. 00:59:56.930 --> 00:59:57.890 Humans need others. 00:59:57.890 --> 00:59:58.130 Okay. 00:59:58.130 --> 01:00:02.710 And remember I mentioned the physiological part here, how we need to allow the physiology to happen? 01:00:03.010 --> 01:00:07.430 This is from Stephen Porges, okay, the founder of polyvagal theory. 01:00:07.730 --> 01:00:09.225 Paul Ray Leggett excuse me. 01:00:09.545 --> 01:00:10.925 Humans need others. 01:00:10.985 --> 01:00:13.805 Regulators of physiology are embedded in relationships. 01:00:14.025 --> 01:00:14.525 Okay. 01:00:14.585 --> 01:00:20.525 So we have this beautiful, this emotional physiological connection between mother and infant. 01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:24.980 And you could see, of course, the countenance of the face says everything. 01:00:25.680 --> 01:00:26.080 Alright? 01:00:26.080 --> 01:00:26.580 Good. 01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:29.060 Okay. 01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:34.320 All people, especially the lonely, need to feel safe, secure, seen, and soothed. 01:00:34.320 --> 01:00:36.660 These are the four s's by doctor Dan Siegel. 01:00:37.245 --> 01:00:40.465 Safe, secure, seen, and soothed. 01:00:40.765 --> 01:00:41.005 Alright. 01:00:41.005 --> 01:00:42.145 That's what he says. 01:00:42.285 --> 01:00:43.025 Very good. 01:00:43.565 --> 01:00:44.285 Especially the lonely. 01:00:44.285 --> 01:00:47.885 Not just the lonely, but everybody really needs this because we're all social creatures. 01:00:47.885 --> 01:00:52.310 God create us create us for social togetherness. 01:00:52.690 --> 01:00:53.190 Okay? 01:00:53.490 --> 01:00:56.370 In family, in communities, we need this. 01:00:56.370 --> 01:00:56.870 Alright. 01:00:57.170 --> 01:00:58.450 Safe, secure, scene, soothe. 01:00:58.450 --> 01:00:59.190 Dan Siegel. 01:00:59.250 --> 01:01:00.770 And this is from Sue Johnson. 01:01:00.770 --> 01:01:01.590 This is beautiful. 01:01:02.130 --> 01:01:06.070 She's the founder of emotional focus therapy, also for married couples. 01:01:06.835 --> 01:01:07.635 Beautiful quote. 01:01:07.635 --> 01:01:13.415 The security of the attachment bond answers the existential question, are you there for me? 01:01:14.035 --> 01:01:15.415 Basically, are you available? 01:01:15.555 --> 01:01:16.055 A. 01:01:16.755 --> 01:01:17.895 R, are you responsive? 01:01:18.275 --> 01:01:19.415 E, are you engaged? 01:01:19.840 --> 01:01:20.340 Okay? 01:01:20.880 --> 01:01:21.940 This is very important. 01:01:22.000 --> 01:01:22.500 Right? 01:01:22.720 --> 01:01:27.220 So we wanna be available, responsive, and engaged to those who interact with us. 01:01:27.680 --> 01:01:29.860 Not easy to do because our minds are elsewhere. 01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:39.885 We're thinking about, you know, we feel safe, and we have we we're thinking of how to where when do I have to pick up Susie from, the school and or whatever. 01:01:40.265 --> 01:01:42.185 And we're constantly distracted. 01:01:42.185 --> 01:01:44.845 We're not being mindful to the person in front of us. 01:01:44.905 --> 01:01:46.425 We do this with lonely people. 01:01:46.425 --> 01:01:48.825 They will know that you're present to them. 01:01:48.825 --> 01:01:49.705 They will know. 01:01:49.705 --> 01:01:50.205 Okay? 01:01:50.470 --> 01:01:53.050 Because you're available, you're responsive, and you're engaged. 01:01:53.510 --> 01:01:53.830 Okay? 01:01:53.830 --> 01:01:57.450 People don't forget communication is 99% body language. 01:01:57.750 --> 01:02:02.010 Face countenance, eyes, not words, but body language. 01:02:02.070 --> 01:02:05.265 This is where the communication happens, and people read this very well. 01:02:05.665 --> 01:02:07.345 People could read other people's anxiety. 01:02:07.345 --> 01:02:09.505 People can read when someone is angry. 01:02:09.505 --> 01:02:10.465 They can feel it. 01:02:10.465 --> 01:02:10.965 Okay? 01:02:11.505 --> 01:02:12.945 There's nothing new age about this. 01:02:12.945 --> 01:02:13.905 This is what happens. 01:02:13.905 --> 01:02:15.525 God designed it this way. 01:02:17.450 --> 01:02:22.670 Finally, by helping people connect with the triune God, father, son, holy spirit, personal and communal prayer. 01:02:22.730 --> 01:02:23.130 Okay. 01:02:23.130 --> 01:02:27.130 Now we're bringing this full circle now to the theological with God. 01:02:27.130 --> 01:02:27.630 Okay? 01:02:27.690 --> 01:02:30.490 And we're wrapping up here, Michelle, very soon. 01:02:30.490 --> 01:02:32.315 I I know there's probably gonna be questions. 01:02:34.455 --> 01:02:37.255 What we owe to man is first and foremost a truth about man. 01:02:37.255 --> 01:02:40.395 This is Saint John Paul the second, Pueblo, Mexico. 01:02:41.015 --> 01:02:44.810 He said this at, what we owe to man is first the truth. 01:02:45.270 --> 01:02:46.630 What does it mean to be human? 01:02:46.630 --> 01:02:48.710 What does true Christian anthropology? 01:02:48.710 --> 01:02:51.050 What does it mean to be human, and what does it mean to relate? 01:02:51.270 --> 01:02:51.770 Okay. 01:02:52.790 --> 01:03:00.115 And, of course, being the Divine Mercy graduate, okay, One of the best school my best school psychology ever. 01:03:00.815 --> 01:03:04.255 And even that my first year there, I was a guinea pig student for that first year. 01:03:04.255 --> 01:03:08.495 They are already teaching these integration of psychology with theology and the faith. 01:03:08.495 --> 01:03:10.115 They were doing that the first year. 01:03:10.255 --> 01:03:11.530 It It was absolutely beautiful. 01:03:11.670 --> 01:03:19.590 So doctor Paulovitz, him and, doctor Girling and doctor Titus came up with these 12, 11 principles of the Catholic Christian Meta Model. 01:03:19.590 --> 01:03:21.750 If you can get a hold of it, it's a big book. 01:03:21.750 --> 01:03:22.970 It's a quite a read. 01:03:23.030 --> 01:03:25.195 I read quite a bit of it already. 01:03:26.055 --> 01:03:32.795 And, but these are the if we follow these principles, this is, like, kinda like salvation history in a nutshell. 01:03:33.095 --> 01:03:34.295 The book is like this thick. 01:03:34.295 --> 01:03:34.535 Okay? 01:03:34.535 --> 01:03:36.215 It's it's a it's a read. 01:03:36.215 --> 01:03:38.215 You can get short versions of it as well. 01:03:38.215 --> 01:03:41.070 Created in the image of God, fallen due to original sin. 01:03:41.070 --> 01:03:41.470 Yep. 01:03:41.470 --> 01:03:42.510 Redeemed by Christ. 01:03:42.510 --> 01:03:42.990 Absolutely. 01:03:42.990 --> 01:03:45.490 That's been done by Jesus' death and resurrection. 01:03:45.950 --> 01:03:46.270 Right? 01:03:46.270 --> 01:03:48.130 We are persons of personal unity. 01:03:48.190 --> 01:03:48.690 Okay? 01:03:49.070 --> 01:03:50.510 So this is what the person is. 01:03:50.510 --> 01:03:51.010 Right? 01:03:51.150 --> 01:04:00.395 Personal unity within the self, fulfilled through vocation, fulfilled in virtue, okay, choosing good, avoiding evil, interpersonal, relational. 01:04:00.455 --> 01:04:00.955 Alright? 01:04:01.175 --> 01:04:02.295 We talk about that a lot. 01:04:02.295 --> 01:04:03.175 That's what we are. 01:04:03.175 --> 01:04:05.255 God designed a human person this way. 01:04:05.255 --> 01:04:08.090 Has sensory, perceptual, and cognitive capacities. 01:04:08.390 --> 01:04:10.650 That's a very interesting deep chapter. 01:04:11.350 --> 01:04:13.290 Emotional, we just talked about that. 01:04:13.510 --> 01:04:15.290 Rational, k, or intellect. 01:04:15.430 --> 01:04:16.730 Volitional and free. 01:04:16.790 --> 01:04:18.570 Meaning volitional being free will. 01:04:18.630 --> 01:04:19.130 Okay? 01:04:19.350 --> 01:04:21.350 That I freely choose my life. 01:04:21.350 --> 01:04:21.735 Okay. 01:04:22.215 --> 01:04:22.775 Very good. 01:04:22.775 --> 01:04:24.875 So if you wanna get a hold of that, you can. 01:04:25.015 --> 01:04:27.595 Catholic Christian Meta Model of the Human Person, CCMMP. 01:04:29.895 --> 01:04:30.215 Okay. 01:04:30.215 --> 01:04:32.215 This is Benedict, substance as relation. 01:04:32.215 --> 01:04:40.220 The point I wanna make here is, Pope Francis, Pope Francis, alright, for, Pope Francis. 01:04:40.520 --> 01:04:50.765 But here, we are both sub a person, interpersonal substance of a rational nature, Boethius definition of a person, as relation. 01:04:50.765 --> 01:04:52.445 Benedict brought out as relation. 01:04:52.445 --> 01:05:01.345 So the point is so he posited that substance as relation are equally primordial forms of being, but relation is not secondary to substance. 01:05:01.650 --> 01:05:08.450 What he means by that is we have the person, but the relation is doesn't come second to being a person. 01:05:08.450 --> 01:05:11.990 The relation is embedded in the person. 01:05:12.290 --> 01:05:14.310 We're created for relationship. 01:05:14.875 --> 01:05:15.375 Okay? 01:05:15.915 --> 01:05:18.875 And we are basically a reflection of God. 01:05:18.875 --> 01:05:20.075 We're supposed to be reflection. 01:05:20.075 --> 01:05:22.495 The family is a reflection of the holy trinity. 01:05:23.115 --> 01:05:24.975 Father, mother, child. 01:05:25.195 --> 01:05:25.695 Right? 01:05:25.915 --> 01:05:27.355 Father, son, holy spirit. 01:05:27.355 --> 01:05:30.015 And you invert that, you get the you get the family. 01:05:30.380 --> 01:05:34.220 If you if you think of a triangle and the triangle gets inverted, you have the family. 01:05:34.220 --> 01:05:35.200 We're the family. 01:05:35.660 --> 01:05:40.720 The community is a reflection of the holy trinity, and this is what Benedict was describing. 01:05:41.500 --> 01:05:50.155 This perspective is reflected in his understanding of god, the holy holy trinity, as a communion of persons, communal personarum, and not as an isolated substance. 01:05:50.375 --> 01:05:50.875 Okay. 01:05:51.175 --> 01:05:51.655 Very good. 01:05:51.655 --> 01:05:53.015 Let's not worry about the quote below. 01:05:53.015 --> 01:05:54.295 We don't have time for that. 01:05:54.295 --> 01:05:55.655 But substance as relation. 01:05:55.655 --> 01:05:56.455 There's right? 01:05:56.455 --> 01:05:57.355 They're not secondary. 01:05:57.415 --> 01:06:00.090 Relations is not secondary to my identity as a person. 01:06:00.090 --> 01:06:03.630 It is integral to my nature as a human being to be in a relation. 01:06:03.930 --> 01:06:04.430 Alright. 01:06:05.530 --> 01:06:08.030 Very good solid good solid theology. 01:06:08.090 --> 01:06:08.410 Okay. 01:06:08.410 --> 01:06:12.270 Benedict, one of my best one of the best theologians in the world. 01:06:13.525 --> 01:06:13.925 Oh, okay. 01:06:13.925 --> 01:06:14.165 Okay. 01:06:14.165 --> 01:06:15.865 We may not have time to get this. 01:06:18.165 --> 01:06:19.605 How we do it for time, Michelle? 01:06:19.605 --> 01:06:20.565 I only see you. 01:06:20.565 --> 01:06:21.205 Are we okay? 01:06:21.205 --> 01:06:23.205 I know I don't know if people are getting antsy or not. 01:06:23.205 --> 01:06:24.325 I'm not sure what's going on. 01:06:24.325 --> 01:06:33.320 Well, I know you've got some important things to cover yet, but I would just maybe elaborate on your slides real quickly and then have an opportunity because there are some questions Good. 01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:39.035 At the end, but I think most people that are really interested just really don't want you to cover the remaining five slides. 01:06:39.035 --> 01:06:39.195 Okay. 01:06:39.195 --> 01:06:39.915 Very good. 01:06:39.915 --> 01:06:40.715 I'll I'll go through this. 01:06:40.795 --> 01:06:41.195 And a. 01:06:41.195 --> 01:06:41.595 Okay? 01:06:41.595 --> 01:06:41.995 Very good. 01:06:41.995 --> 01:06:42.495 Excellent. 01:06:42.555 --> 01:06:42.875 There you go. 01:06:42.875 --> 01:06:43.275 Uh-huh. 01:06:43.275 --> 01:06:43.515 Okay. 01:06:43.515 --> 01:06:44.015 Yeah. 01:06:44.155 --> 01:06:44.555 Very good. 01:06:44.555 --> 01:06:45.195 Thank you, Michelle. 01:06:45.195 --> 01:06:45.435 Okay. 01:06:45.435 --> 01:06:47.115 So genetic psychiatrist first encounter. 01:06:47.115 --> 01:06:53.220 So this is doctor Anna Tureu in the '9 in the twentieth century, nineteen thirties, around there, nineteen twenties, nineteen thirties. 01:06:53.600 --> 01:06:55.140 She was practicing psychoanalysis. 01:06:55.520 --> 01:07:02.160 And then after six months of therapy in the red, the patient said, doctor, nothing that you have said has any effect on me. 01:07:02.160 --> 01:07:05.415 For six months, I have been sitting here hoping you would take me to your heart. 01:07:05.655 --> 01:07:07.835 You have been blinded to my knees. 01:07:08.215 --> 01:07:08.695 Okay? 01:07:08.695 --> 01:07:10.315 This patient felt like a child. 01:07:10.375 --> 01:07:14.795 She needed only one thing, namely to be treated in a tender, motherly fashion. 01:07:15.015 --> 01:07:15.515 Okay? 01:07:15.735 --> 01:07:17.670 So psychoanalysis wasn't working. 01:07:17.830 --> 01:07:18.330 Okay. 01:07:18.630 --> 01:07:22.090 So this woman finally said to doctor she was having deep anxiety. 01:07:22.230 --> 01:07:22.730 Okay. 01:07:22.790 --> 01:07:24.090 Serious, serious anxiety. 01:07:25.110 --> 01:07:28.250 And finally, this was a wake up call for doctor Anna Tureu. 01:07:28.470 --> 01:07:29.210 Say, woah. 01:07:29.270 --> 01:07:30.735 This is we gotta do something here. 01:07:31.275 --> 01:07:31.515 Okay. 01:07:31.515 --> 01:07:36.655 So then her and doctor Konrad Barz formulated this syndrome called emotional deprivation disorder. 01:07:36.955 --> 01:07:37.455 Okay. 01:07:39.595 --> 01:07:40.315 Very good. 01:07:40.315 --> 01:07:47.230 And I find this Heinz Kohut self psychology would be quite integral and complementarity with the work of Konrad Barrs. 01:07:47.230 --> 01:07:51.090 Heinz Kohut is a a kind of a secular based, psychology. 01:07:51.230 --> 01:07:51.630 Beautiful. 01:07:51.630 --> 01:07:53.810 Heinz Kohut works absolutely phenomenal. 01:07:53.870 --> 01:07:59.010 I just it was amazing, but I find it quite complementarity with the work of Konrad Barrs and Anna Turer. 01:07:59.835 --> 01:08:00.335 Okay. 01:08:01.115 --> 01:08:11.935 So so from loneliness to affirmation, these are principles that Conrad Barrs, identified, kind of tips, waking what you can do for yourself and others regarding loneliness. 01:08:13.140 --> 01:08:14.820 I'm not sure I have time to go through these. 01:08:14.820 --> 01:08:17.140 Maybe you can look at we can look at these briefly. 01:08:17.140 --> 01:08:18.580 Being always precedes doing. 01:08:18.580 --> 01:08:19.640 I won't do everyone. 01:08:20.580 --> 01:08:33.335 I am valued and cherished by god in who I am, not by what I do, not by what I accomplish, not by what I succeed in, but in who I am as a child as in with dignity created by god. 01:08:33.795 --> 01:08:35.235 Stop hiding and repressing your emotions. 01:08:35.235 --> 01:08:36.035 We talked about that. 01:08:36.035 --> 01:08:39.630 Do not hang on to your fears, especially the fear of hurting other people's feelings. 01:08:39.870 --> 01:08:40.670 Don't worry about it. 01:08:40.670 --> 01:08:43.470 If you wanna speak speak truth, that's the goal. 01:08:43.470 --> 01:08:45.410 Dare to be honest to other people. 01:08:45.630 --> 01:08:47.250 This will develop your sense of authenticity. 01:08:47.710 --> 01:08:59.155 Dare to be honest with you don't have to yell at somebody, but you wanna be assertive and honest in what you think so that your loneliness will disappear, so that you are speaking words to your to your reality and truth. 01:08:59.155 --> 01:08:59.655 Okay. 01:08:59.955 --> 01:09:02.195 Do not bend backwards to try to please everybody. 01:09:02.195 --> 01:09:03.235 You don't have to do that. 01:09:03.235 --> 01:09:06.915 Stop trying to make yourself seem more important by putting down others. 01:09:06.915 --> 01:09:07.860 This happens a lot. 01:09:07.940 --> 01:09:10.420 Be constantly on the lookout for what is good in other people. 01:09:10.420 --> 01:09:11.300 Number good. 01:09:11.300 --> 01:09:18.360 Number seven, stop thinking you are no good or worth nothing because your parents in earlier life did not succeed in making you feel loved or accepted. 01:09:18.660 --> 01:09:19.140 Okay. 01:09:19.140 --> 01:09:23.585 Eight, stop trying to affirm yourself by degree, status, all that stuff. 01:09:23.585 --> 01:09:24.885 We talked about it earlier. 01:09:25.265 --> 01:09:29.045 Nine, wait patiently and an unhurriedly for another person to affirm you. 01:09:29.185 --> 01:09:29.345 K. 01:09:29.345 --> 01:09:33.600 That's a little hard to do in our world today because everybody's sort of scatterbrained, doing their own thing. 01:09:33.680 --> 01:09:33.920 Okay. 01:09:33.920 --> 01:09:34.580 Not everybody. 01:09:34.640 --> 01:09:35.620 Most people are. 01:09:36.240 --> 01:09:39.860 10, therefore, be gentle with yourself and with the childlike feelings within you. 01:09:39.920 --> 01:09:40.320 Okay? 01:09:40.320 --> 01:09:41.120 Connect to them. 01:09:41.120 --> 01:09:46.095 They have a right to be there and to grow and catch up with the rest of you that is already grown. 01:09:46.335 --> 01:09:46.815 Okay? 01:09:46.815 --> 01:09:57.475 So we have a die off today, a a dialect between the inner child, broken, buried, and the adult self, successful, accomplished, and there's they're not connected. 01:09:57.855 --> 01:09:58.675 They're separate. 01:09:58.815 --> 01:10:03.270 There's like a chasm between these two, and god wants them to work together. 01:10:03.270 --> 01:10:03.770 Okay? 01:10:04.230 --> 01:10:06.810 Inner child, adult self, inter integrated. 01:10:07.110 --> 01:10:07.510 Alright. 01:10:07.510 --> 01:10:08.010 Good. 01:10:08.150 --> 01:10:11.130 So you can get that from Born Only Once, the miracle of affirmation. 01:10:11.190 --> 01:10:11.670 Great book. 01:10:11.670 --> 01:10:12.310 It's a short read. 01:10:12.310 --> 01:10:13.130 It has pictures. 01:10:13.270 --> 01:10:15.585 It's a nice introduction to the work of Conrad Barnes. 01:10:15.825 --> 01:10:17.685 Again, his work is affirmation. 01:10:18.145 --> 01:10:23.845 To be affirmed is to feel the goodness of another human being, just like I showed you the mother with the baby. 01:10:24.865 --> 01:10:25.985 They there's a connection. 01:10:25.985 --> 01:10:26.678 There's a coregulation. 01:10:26.678 --> 01:10:28.405 You know, I feel safe. 01:10:28.800 --> 01:10:30.720 Mom is loving me as I am. 01:10:30.720 --> 01:10:32.020 I don't have to do anything. 01:10:32.160 --> 01:10:33.300 I can be myself. 01:10:33.440 --> 01:10:33.940 Okay. 01:10:34.560 --> 01:10:35.460 That's affirmation. 01:10:35.680 --> 01:10:37.120 And it's a feeling connection. 01:10:37.120 --> 01:10:38.480 It's not so much it's no words. 01:10:38.480 --> 01:10:41.140 It's a feeling sensory connection. 01:10:41.440 --> 01:10:43.120 It's a coregulation with the parent. 01:10:43.120 --> 01:10:43.620 Alright? 01:10:43.760 --> 01:10:45.515 Or with between spouses. 01:10:45.655 --> 01:10:46.155 Okay? 01:10:46.375 --> 01:10:51.495 Now I know this is idealistic in many ways because there's only people this is so far language, but we wanna work toward this. 01:10:51.495 --> 01:10:56.875 We have to have an understanding of the anthropology of the person as God created, and we wanna work toward that in the church. 01:10:57.015 --> 01:10:58.075 It is so critical. 01:10:58.310 --> 01:10:58.710 Alright. 01:10:58.710 --> 01:10:59.210 Good. 01:10:59.590 --> 01:11:02.870 As lonely people need to assert themselves, speak your truth. 01:11:02.870 --> 01:11:04.870 You want like, we talked about speak your truth. 01:11:04.870 --> 01:11:06.490 Your truth, speak up for yourself. 01:11:07.030 --> 01:11:08.810 The truth, speak up for God. 01:11:08.950 --> 01:11:09.450 Alright. 01:11:09.670 --> 01:11:19.685 So you wanna speak up for yourself regarding your truth, and that's hard to do because the fear of being rejected or criticized or judged or put down is very difficult for people. 01:11:19.685 --> 01:11:20.185 Okay? 01:11:20.485 --> 01:11:28.640 Very frightening because I'm afraid you'll reject me, and then I have to keep everything to myself just like what Garbo Marte was saying. 01:11:28.860 --> 01:11:29.360 Alright. 01:11:30.460 --> 01:11:32.460 From a therapeutic standpoint okay. 01:11:32.460 --> 01:11:39.280 So briefly here, therapeutically, the relationship must always precede techniques, tools, and interventions. 01:11:39.580 --> 01:11:40.080 Always. 01:11:40.395 --> 01:11:42.795 My goal as a therapist is to connect with my clients. 01:11:42.795 --> 01:11:43.295 Always. 01:11:43.915 --> 01:11:44.395 Okay? 01:11:44.395 --> 01:11:47.855 If they don't feel safe with me, we're not gonna get anywhere. 01:11:48.075 --> 01:11:49.375 They have to feel safe. 01:11:49.595 --> 01:11:50.095 Okay? 01:11:50.235 --> 01:11:53.855 And that's not easy to do, because there's a lot of resistance with people. 01:11:53.880 --> 01:11:55.240 Okay, from a therapeutic standpoint. 01:11:55.240 --> 01:11:56.140 People are resistant. 01:11:56.360 --> 01:12:06.360 But I do my best by the grace of God to be present, to let them be where they need to be so that that walls of defenses will slowly layer by layer to come down. 01:12:06.360 --> 01:12:07.720 And sometimes that takes years. 01:12:07.720 --> 01:12:08.220 Okay? 01:12:08.520 --> 01:12:12.015 You realize the walls could get built up for many years for people. 01:12:12.015 --> 01:12:12.335 Okay? 01:12:12.335 --> 01:12:16.115 So there's a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being judged or criticized. 01:12:16.335 --> 01:12:16.835 Okay? 01:12:17.055 --> 01:12:23.635 So just like, Ramonta said, healing offers more than mere coping strategies, skills, and relationship advice. 01:12:24.000 --> 01:12:24.500 Okay? 01:12:24.720 --> 01:12:26.820 Healing is but maybe more than that is connection. 01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:27.360 Alright. 01:12:27.360 --> 01:12:33.540 And here's a, list of a smorgasbord of all different types of interventions, which you may know, you may not know. 01:12:33.680 --> 01:12:35.940 First connect, then direct and redirect. 01:12:36.000 --> 01:12:36.320 Okay? 01:12:36.320 --> 01:12:37.515 You first gotta connect. 01:12:37.595 --> 01:12:38.095 Alright? 01:12:38.155 --> 01:12:39.355 And you don't have to go through all these. 01:12:39.355 --> 01:12:43.135 These are all different kind of things that I use, in my years as a therapist. 01:12:43.995 --> 01:12:56.560 I love self psychology by Kohut, polyvagal theory, attachment theories, systems theory by Bowen, Mnuchin, all those guys, relationship enhancement therapy, emotion focused therapy, very good. 01:12:56.560 --> 01:13:02.160 So a lot of good stuff that we can use as secondary to the connecting with the human being. 01:13:02.160 --> 01:13:04.020 I'm speaking from a therapeutic perspective. 01:13:04.160 --> 01:13:04.660 Alright. 01:13:05.200 --> 01:13:12.615 So this is a key to con these two principles constitute the basis we are almost done. 01:13:12.615 --> 01:13:15.255 Constitute the basis for psychic development in the patient. 01:13:15.255 --> 01:13:15.655 Okay. 01:13:15.655 --> 01:13:18.955 So this is from Healing Unaffirmed, if you wanna get that book. 01:13:19.130 --> 01:13:20.570 Page seventy five seventy nine. 01:13:20.570 --> 01:13:26.510 Emotional information that this is what the client needs from an affirmation therapeutic standpoint. 01:13:26.570 --> 01:13:27.070 Okay? 01:13:27.530 --> 01:13:37.015 The client experiences and feels inwardly the therapist's affection, alright, that sympathy or empathy for them, which others did not or were unable to get them. 01:13:37.155 --> 01:13:37.635 Okay. 01:13:37.635 --> 01:13:39.255 Again, therapy is a tool. 01:13:39.555 --> 01:13:41.155 It is a means to an end. 01:13:41.155 --> 01:13:42.275 It's not an end in itself. 01:13:42.275 --> 01:13:42.595 Okay. 01:13:42.595 --> 01:13:45.095 That means a therapeutic relation will have to end eventually. 01:13:45.490 --> 01:13:45.990 Okay? 01:13:46.690 --> 01:13:50.930 So but this is what the affirmation therapist would want to do. 01:13:50.930 --> 01:13:52.230 This is emotional affirmation. 01:13:52.770 --> 01:13:58.370 The client experiences and feels inwardly the therapist's affection or their empathy for them. 01:13:58.370 --> 01:13:58.870 Okay? 01:14:00.345 --> 01:14:06.185 Intellectual affirmation, the client needs to obtain approval by telling the therapist or the person doesn't have to be the therapist. 01:14:06.185 --> 01:14:12.505 It could be anybody, a parent, a spouse, a friend, telling the therapist everything about their lives. 01:14:12.505 --> 01:14:18.720 They must learn that nothing can damage the therapist's favorable opinion of them or affection for them. 01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:19.220 Nothing. 01:14:19.280 --> 01:14:20.900 They can say whatever they want. 01:14:21.680 --> 01:14:29.620 The therapist will not react, will will be grounded, will be able to coregulate or work toward coregulating with the person so that they feel safe. 01:14:30.185 --> 01:14:30.425 Okay? 01:14:30.425 --> 01:14:36.425 We wanna establish safe, whether it's therapy or a spouse or a friend or a priest or whatever. 01:14:36.425 --> 01:14:36.925 Okay? 01:14:37.625 --> 01:14:41.645 Doesn't just have to be therapists that do this, but this is what affirmation therapy does. 01:14:41.705 --> 01:14:42.205 Okay? 01:14:42.345 --> 01:14:43.485 These two together. 01:14:43.860 --> 01:14:44.340 Right? 01:14:44.340 --> 01:14:45.540 This is from Healing and Affirm. 01:14:45.540 --> 01:14:48.420 The two constitute the basic for psychic development in the patient. 01:14:48.420 --> 01:14:48.820 Good. 01:14:48.820 --> 01:14:49.860 These two together. 01:14:49.860 --> 01:14:50.360 Alright. 01:14:50.420 --> 01:14:50.920 Good. 01:14:51.060 --> 01:14:53.620 I have hundreds and hundreds of slides like I showed you. 01:14:53.620 --> 01:14:59.175 It took time to really try to formulate, what best here would probably best for you for you guys. 01:14:59.875 --> 01:15:05.555 Patron saints of loneliness, Saint Rita of Cassia, known for the saint of possible causes. 01:15:05.555 --> 01:15:12.310 She is also recognized as the patron saint of loneliness, suggesting that god can provide comfort and healing to those who are feeling alone. 01:15:12.530 --> 01:15:13.910 And Saint Thomas More. 01:15:14.050 --> 01:15:14.450 Okay. 01:15:14.450 --> 01:15:17.570 Even while in prison, he wrote works of combat oh, sorry. 01:15:17.570 --> 01:15:25.735 Works of comfort and solace for others, demonstrating that even in isolation, one can find ways to connect with others and share God's love. 01:15:25.795 --> 01:15:26.275 Alright. 01:15:26.275 --> 01:15:27.095 Very good. 01:15:27.395 --> 01:15:34.535 And having said that, thank you for your patience and my gabbing this whole hour with you. 01:15:34.755 --> 01:15:39.450 We are open for questions if people have any, and you can put them in the comment section. 01:15:39.510 --> 01:15:40.310 I'm not sure. 01:15:40.310 --> 01:15:41.750 I've it's 07:40. 01:15:41.750 --> 01:15:42.150 I'm sorry. 01:15:42.150 --> 01:15:42.970 It's been long. 01:15:43.270 --> 01:15:45.350 If people need to go, totally get it. 01:15:45.990 --> 01:15:48.330 Those who wanna stick around can ask questions. 01:15:48.470 --> 01:15:50.570 And if you don't have questions, that's fine. 01:15:51.015 --> 01:15:51.755 Very valuable. 01:15:51.815 --> 01:15:54.215 Please, we'll take a few moments and answer these questions. 01:15:54.215 --> 01:15:54.955 Thank you. 01:15:56.055 --> 01:16:00.155 So, Peter, I will read off the questions to you. 01:16:00.455 --> 01:16:04.715 Beth is asking what is, in quotes, your truth? 01:16:05.340 --> 01:16:10.880 Is it your experience, feelings, and beliefs, question mark, or something else, question mark? 01:16:11.980 --> 01:16:12.380 Yeah. 01:16:12.380 --> 01:16:13.020 Good question. 01:16:13.340 --> 01:16:18.165 Your truth is your reality, what you perceive as true for you. 01:16:18.325 --> 01:16:21.865 It it could be doesn't have to be a moral position. 01:16:22.245 --> 01:16:22.725 It can be. 01:16:22.725 --> 01:16:23.525 It doesn't have to be. 01:16:23.525 --> 01:16:28.585 But you are speaking your subjective experience, your subjective reality. 01:16:29.365 --> 01:16:30.165 I am angry. 01:16:30.165 --> 01:16:30.985 I am sad. 01:16:31.605 --> 01:16:35.380 I feel alone with this with you, or whatever. 01:16:35.380 --> 01:16:41.780 I I I I'm able to put words to my truth, my pain, my struggles, who I am as a person. 01:16:41.780 --> 01:16:51.075 I'm able to express that within myself, my subjective experience, and put it out there to someone I can feel safe and trust toward. 01:16:51.455 --> 01:16:51.955 Okay? 01:16:52.415 --> 01:17:11.620 The truth would be the truth, which would be objective reality, from God's standpoint and the church standpoint, but my truth is my experience just like with Gabor Mate, that I can be able to be authentic to be able to express not, you know, my subjective reality, my pain, my happiness, my joy, my struggles. 01:17:11.840 --> 01:17:12.740 That make sense? 01:17:15.625 --> 01:17:17.405 So next question, Peter. 01:17:17.705 --> 01:17:27.245 Can you speak to EMDR, and how long can sessions take to make a, quote, unquote, breakthrough, surrender, healing in the patient? 01:17:28.260 --> 01:17:28.920 Oh, boy. 01:17:29.540 --> 01:17:30.040 Yeah. 01:17:30.500 --> 01:17:32.840 Eye movement desensitization reprocessing. 01:17:33.060 --> 01:17:33.300 Okay. 01:17:33.300 --> 01:17:34.200 That's EMDR. 01:17:35.300 --> 01:17:36.440 That's gonna vary. 01:17:36.580 --> 01:17:38.840 There's a lot of supporting research on EMDR. 01:17:41.105 --> 01:17:42.005 It depends. 01:17:43.745 --> 01:17:44.725 Everybody's different. 01:17:45.025 --> 01:17:45.525 Okay? 01:17:46.705 --> 01:17:49.105 I mean, I I haven't done EMDR in a while. 01:17:49.105 --> 01:17:49.905 I haven't done it. 01:17:49.905 --> 01:18:00.170 But once you do the steps properly, the eight steps for EMDR, and you do it properly best you can with the eye movement. 01:18:00.170 --> 01:18:02.810 So, basically, eye movement, you right? 01:18:02.810 --> 01:18:08.750 You're you're you're having the eyes move, which stimulates the brain. 01:18:09.075 --> 01:18:12.215 The corpus callosum in the brain separates both left and right hemispheres. 01:18:12.595 --> 01:18:15.895 Information gets sort of, pruned and reintegrated. 01:18:16.435 --> 01:18:20.915 So that can take it could be three months. 01:18:20.915 --> 01:18:22.035 It could be six months. 01:18:22.035 --> 01:18:23.190 It could be even less. 01:18:23.190 --> 01:18:24.150 It depends on the trauma. 01:18:24.150 --> 01:18:33.130 You gotta be very careful because you can retraumatize somebody when information gets, jumbled up and then they get overwhelmed with emotion. 01:18:33.510 --> 01:18:35.690 So I'm a little cautious to do MBR. 01:18:35.990 --> 01:18:42.285 I once traumatized one of my pay one of my clients about ten years ago, and it was hard for her. 01:18:42.285 --> 01:18:44.605 So we had to try to reintegrate that. 01:18:44.605 --> 01:18:45.005 Why? 01:18:45.005 --> 01:18:49.085 First, you gotta learn skills of emotional regulation before you do EMDR. 01:18:49.085 --> 01:18:52.525 You gotta make sure you know how to process those emotions. 01:18:52.525 --> 01:18:56.420 Let them be felt in the body, physiologically, somatic experiencing. 01:18:56.420 --> 01:18:57.800 All these things have to happen. 01:18:58.180 --> 01:19:02.120 And then when you practice those skills, then you can move into the EMDR. 01:19:02.340 --> 01:19:03.620 So it'll take three to six months. 01:19:03.620 --> 01:19:04.500 It could be less. 01:19:04.500 --> 01:19:07.560 It could be a year, but it's probably a year's too long. 01:19:08.025 --> 01:19:15.465 And it depends how many times we have sessions once a week or I mean, it could be depends on even what will be authorized by insurance companies. 01:19:15.465 --> 01:19:21.725 I mean, they'll probably authorize 20, 20 sessions for for the year 23 sessions for the year, and that's all you have. 01:19:21.785 --> 01:19:25.970 So you can bring healing if there's real trauma that is occurring. 01:19:26.430 --> 01:19:36.290 Now if there's multiple traumas, or complex trauma, the, Bessel van der Kolk says EMDRs is not gonna really treat it because you have so many multiple traumas. 01:19:36.750 --> 01:19:43.145 Single incident traumas would be more it can heal more quickly because you are working through the single incident trauma. 01:19:43.445 --> 01:19:44.985 Example, shell shock, whatever. 01:19:45.045 --> 01:19:45.545 Okay? 01:19:46.245 --> 01:19:50.665 Friend blows up, when you're next to him, bomb goes off or IED goes off, whatever. 01:19:50.725 --> 01:19:52.245 That's a single incident trauma. 01:19:52.245 --> 01:19:55.720 That can be worked through pretty reasonably well. 01:19:56.180 --> 01:19:56.680 Okay? 01:19:57.700 --> 01:20:01.240 So complex trauma, more difficult according to Bessel van der Kolk. 01:20:01.860 --> 01:20:04.340 He's a trauma guru, you know, pretty much in the world. 01:20:04.340 --> 01:20:06.200 He's one of the trauma experts. 01:20:06.900 --> 01:20:11.755 But single incident traumas, that's much more easy to reprocess through EMDR. 01:20:14.375 --> 01:20:16.475 So next question, Peter. 01:20:16.855 --> 01:20:21.030 Can you comment to, quote, unquote, loneliness of faith question mark? 01:20:21.030 --> 01:20:23.930 I read this in a book by Henry Nouwen. 01:20:24.390 --> 01:20:25.370 Oh, Henry Nouwen. 01:20:25.670 --> 01:20:26.870 Repeat what was it again? 01:20:26.870 --> 01:20:28.550 Loneliness repeat the question. 01:20:28.550 --> 01:20:31.210 You comment to loneliness of faith. 01:20:33.845 --> 01:20:36.185 That's father Henry Nouwen's words? 01:20:36.245 --> 01:20:36.745 Mhmm. 01:20:36.805 --> 01:20:38.025 Loneliness of faith. 01:20:38.805 --> 01:20:39.525 Good question. 01:20:39.525 --> 01:20:40.025 Yeah. 01:20:40.805 --> 01:20:43.625 So I met father Nouwen at Madonna House. 01:20:44.325 --> 01:20:44.805 Okay. 01:20:44.805 --> 01:20:46.325 The man is a saintly man. 01:20:46.325 --> 01:20:46.805 Okay? 01:20:46.805 --> 01:20:48.150 Just a gentle soul. 01:20:48.150 --> 01:20:48.550 Low okay. 01:20:48.550 --> 01:20:49.930 So loneliness of faith. 01:20:51.510 --> 01:20:52.010 Yeah. 01:20:52.390 --> 01:20:57.190 That can happen where God allows the loneliness to to to be there. 01:20:57.190 --> 01:21:01.875 I'm not sure what he means by loneliness of faith, what what he actually means by that. 01:21:01.955 --> 01:21:07.095 If you have faith, you're gonna be lonely, and god's gonna let you be lonely, and you can stay faithful. 01:21:07.155 --> 01:21:08.195 Maybe that's what he means. 01:21:08.195 --> 01:21:08.675 I don't know. 01:21:08.675 --> 01:21:13.015 I have to see the context of what father now meant by that. 01:21:14.035 --> 01:21:15.235 But, I don't know. 01:21:15.235 --> 01:21:21.660 I'm I'm only assuming that you maintain your faith, but god will the loneliness will persist. 01:21:21.660 --> 01:21:23.360 It could be there for a while. 01:21:23.500 --> 01:21:28.845 For whatever reason, remember, god allows loneliness to happen for a reason, for people. 01:21:29.005 --> 01:21:29.245 Yeah. 01:21:29.245 --> 01:21:32.525 Because of traumas or original sin, name it. 01:21:32.525 --> 01:21:33.025 Okay? 01:21:33.645 --> 01:21:38.145 Or rejection or abandonment, god allows that for a reason. 01:21:38.205 --> 01:21:38.685 Okay? 01:21:38.685 --> 01:21:42.065 Remembered, he allowed Jesus to experience this on the cross. 01:21:42.765 --> 01:21:47.030 What he experienced, we do except for him without sin. 01:21:47.030 --> 01:21:47.530 Okay? 01:21:47.670 --> 01:22:05.495 But, so, we keep the faith, but God will allow that to happen for people in order to strengthen their faith, in order to make them turn back to God or whatever reason, to experience compassion for other people. 01:22:05.495 --> 01:22:07.435 God sometimes will allow that as well. 01:22:07.575 --> 01:22:12.750 Because if I know my loneliness and suffering, I'll have more compassion for everybody, for somebody else. 01:22:12.990 --> 01:22:14.990 And bless judgmental, I'll have more compassion. 01:22:14.990 --> 01:22:16.930 So it's a personal growth experience. 01:22:17.390 --> 01:22:20.290 God is mystery, what you particularly need. 01:22:20.430 --> 01:22:22.210 He knows exactly what you need. 01:22:22.510 --> 01:22:26.610 And if he allows the loneliness, we want to accept that if we can. 01:22:26.750 --> 01:22:27.250 Yes. 01:22:27.485 --> 01:22:32.065 Try to alleviate it with contact with people best you can. 01:22:32.365 --> 01:22:49.360 But if that doesn't work or no one's available, then with our faith, we have to, persevere in in turning that loneliness into solitude with god, I would say, so that there's a such sense of solitude and a sense of connection. 01:22:49.820 --> 01:22:52.300 A a dark night of the senses, dark night of the soul. 01:22:52.300 --> 01:22:53.840 These things of god allows. 01:22:54.220 --> 01:22:54.540 Right? 01:22:54.540 --> 01:22:58.195 But we and but if it gets too heavy, maybe God will pull pull back. 01:22:58.195 --> 01:22:58.935 I don't know. 01:22:59.955 --> 01:23:03.875 But sometimes this I mean, God is a mystery, so we don't know why he allows it. 01:23:03.875 --> 01:23:06.055 But I think that's what probably what father now invented. 01:23:06.115 --> 01:23:07.715 I'll tell you, he's a gentle saint. 01:23:07.715 --> 01:23:12.150 When I met him, he was most loving and present to me, when we spoke. 01:23:12.710 --> 01:23:15.990 So he I hope he should be canonized someday. 01:23:15.990 --> 01:23:17.370 But so father Nao, beautiful. 01:23:17.430 --> 01:23:18.390 He wrote very deep. 01:23:18.390 --> 01:23:22.445 He suffered a lot, father Nao, okay, from loneliness, steep suffering. 01:23:22.585 --> 01:23:23.085 Okay? 01:23:23.385 --> 01:23:26.525 So I hope that helps a little bit. 01:23:27.305 --> 01:23:29.085 That's the best I can answer right now. 01:23:29.785 --> 01:23:31.725 So next question, Peter. 01:23:31.945 --> 01:23:34.525 How do you handle a client who is a nonbeliever? 01:23:36.750 --> 01:23:38.050 Well, I'll tell you. 01:23:38.750 --> 01:23:40.190 I experienced that for twelve years. 01:23:40.190 --> 01:23:43.150 I worked at the community mental health in Michigan for twelve years. 01:23:43.150 --> 01:23:44.770 It was a highly secular environment. 01:23:45.070 --> 01:23:45.570 Okay? 01:23:46.350 --> 01:23:49.810 You you don't you have to beat them where they're at. 01:23:50.045 --> 01:23:52.465 You can't you know, it's not your place to convert anybody. 01:23:53.565 --> 01:23:59.185 All you can do is is be a witness or an example of gentleness and kindness if they have no belief. 01:23:59.325 --> 01:24:03.990 And I've had many clients at at the community mental health I worked in, highly secular place. 01:24:05.030 --> 01:24:09.290 Most of them I say, even the secular place, half of them or more were believers. 01:24:09.510 --> 01:24:09.670 Okay. 01:24:09.670 --> 01:24:17.830 Those who were not, we we love them where they're at, and we we don't have to convert them or try to change them or say, have we you know, I did that earlier. 01:24:17.830 --> 01:24:19.270 I may I messed up a few times. 01:24:19.270 --> 01:24:19.770 Okay? 01:24:20.145 --> 01:24:22.145 Because the eagerness of wanting to know god. 01:24:22.145 --> 01:24:26.965 But you have to resist that because they may not be able to receive the truth. 01:24:27.185 --> 01:24:27.505 Alright? 01:24:27.505 --> 01:24:31.045 If they can't and you get a sense of that, you hold back. 01:24:31.265 --> 01:24:33.980 And there's people I never said god to anybody. 01:24:34.040 --> 01:24:35.740 Even today, I have some nonbelievers. 01:24:36.760 --> 01:24:42.920 You know, I would never go to god because I have a sense of where they're at regarding their faith or lack of or or no faith. 01:24:42.920 --> 01:24:44.200 So we have to love them where they're at. 01:24:44.200 --> 01:24:49.365 And, hopefully, by my example of being present to them, wanting to coregulate with them, to affirm them. 01:24:50.545 --> 01:24:51.585 Well, it's yeah. 01:24:51.585 --> 01:24:55.285 Affirming is being nuts, not a doing, is to be present to them. 01:24:55.665 --> 01:24:59.825 Then, hopefully, they will that'll be a witness for them that, hey. 01:24:59.825 --> 01:25:05.930 You know you know, they'll see my cross or or image of our lady in my office, and they'll go, oh, and tell me about the faith. 01:25:05.930 --> 01:25:09.370 And then if he asks about the faith, would you believe, then I'll go there. 01:25:09.370 --> 01:25:12.190 Then I'll gently go there and share them my experience. 01:25:13.995 --> 01:25:16.975 Always gotta meet people where they at, always, where they're at. 01:25:17.675 --> 01:25:20.395 And if they've never come to believe, you have to accept that. 01:25:20.395 --> 01:25:22.175 It's not your role to save a person. 01:25:22.715 --> 01:25:23.195 Right? 01:25:23.195 --> 01:25:24.955 That's something between them and god. 01:25:24.955 --> 01:25:25.275 Right? 01:25:25.275 --> 01:25:26.715 If they open up to you, great. 01:25:26.715 --> 01:25:31.550 And if they don't and if they can't go to their faith, you have to let them choose their life. 01:25:31.770 --> 01:25:34.350 They have to come to God in freedom, not out of coercion. 01:25:34.730 --> 01:25:35.230 Okay? 01:25:36.170 --> 01:25:37.070 It's so critical. 01:25:39.130 --> 01:25:40.030 Next question. 01:25:40.170 --> 01:25:47.025 Can you speak about the effectivity of unbound, in parenthesis, as a healing process? 01:25:48.525 --> 01:25:49.425 Unbound Ministries? 01:25:52.125 --> 01:25:57.985 Michael, would you add a little clarity in the chat box for us? 01:25:58.440 --> 01:26:00.280 I can't see those chat questions. 01:26:00.280 --> 01:26:01.580 Can I, Natalia? 01:26:02.920 --> 01:26:07.020 I've scrolled up pretty high up because I'm going through one by one. 01:26:07.080 --> 01:26:07.580 Okay. 01:26:07.960 --> 01:26:08.780 Do it together. 01:26:09.560 --> 01:26:15.155 I guess we will wait for If he's referred to unbound. 01:26:17.775 --> 01:26:18.275 Yes. 01:26:18.335 --> 01:26:23.155 Unbound, I I would assume knee by Neil Lozano as a healing process. 01:26:24.495 --> 01:26:25.695 Not familiar with that. 01:26:25.695 --> 01:26:26.915 I'm familiar with unbound. 01:26:29.250 --> 01:26:30.530 A little bit with okay. 01:26:30.530 --> 01:26:49.185 I don't use it, but it's it's a form of of of, I believe, prayer, and, you know, saying prayers of, renunciation, okay, of any possible, diabolic influence in a person's life, whether a communal or in personally. 01:26:50.525 --> 01:26:53.905 So that's it's like binding prayers. 01:26:54.260 --> 01:26:55.960 You give a list of binding prayers. 01:26:56.500 --> 01:27:01.560 There's a whole more way more to this than I'm able to give, but that's the general sense I have regarding Unbound. 01:27:01.620 --> 01:27:04.760 It's pretty popular here, by the way, but I don't use it that much. 01:27:05.380 --> 01:27:13.365 I do give, renunciation prayers for some of my clients, that I suspect may have something going on, and they can do that. 01:27:13.365 --> 01:27:13.685 Alright. 01:27:13.685 --> 01:27:17.545 They can go to father but senior, and senior Resetti, Steven Resetti's. 01:27:17.845 --> 01:27:20.965 He does monthly, deliverance prayers. 01:27:20.965 --> 01:27:21.525 He's a priest. 01:27:21.525 --> 01:27:28.670 He's a psychologist as well, and he does monthly deliverance prayers every first Monday on on his on his video. 01:27:28.670 --> 01:27:33.970 And people all over the world go there, and he does deliverance prayers, both in English and in Latin. 01:27:34.110 --> 01:27:34.590 Okay? 01:27:34.590 --> 01:27:38.535 So that's an option if that if you suspect something may be going on. 01:27:38.535 --> 01:27:39.655 Unbound is good. 01:27:39.655 --> 01:27:39.975 Okay. 01:27:39.975 --> 01:27:42.395 I'm just not too familiar with it, but I think it's good. 01:27:43.575 --> 01:27:43.895 Yes. 01:27:43.895 --> 01:27:46.235 Michael Rowe, Unbound Ministries. 01:27:46.695 --> 01:27:47.095 Yes. 01:27:47.095 --> 01:27:47.655 Very good. 01:27:47.655 --> 01:27:47.975 Okay. 01:27:47.975 --> 01:27:48.475 Yes. 01:27:48.535 --> 01:27:49.035 Okay. 01:27:49.655 --> 01:27:56.780 Patricia asked, can you recommend preferred Catholic resources or treatments for food shopping addictions? 01:28:02.520 --> 01:28:03.900 Food and shopping addictions? 01:28:04.040 --> 01:28:04.540 Probably. 01:28:08.585 --> 01:28:10.685 Well, it never hurts to go to twelve step meetings. 01:28:10.985 --> 01:28:11.485 Okay? 01:28:12.185 --> 01:28:13.065 Those are good. 01:28:13.065 --> 01:28:13.545 Right? 01:28:13.545 --> 01:28:14.505 Good twelve step meetings. 01:28:14.505 --> 01:28:17.145 There's another one called that might be helpful. 01:28:17.145 --> 01:28:18.605 It's called Catholics in Recovery. 01:28:19.065 --> 01:28:25.350 And, I think, Michelle, one of the present the presenter, the founder of Catholics in Recovery is gonna be speaking at the Philadelphia conference. 01:28:25.890 --> 01:28:26.790 We're going to. 01:28:27.090 --> 01:28:28.950 So it's called Catholics in Recovery. 01:28:29.090 --> 01:28:32.550 And this is kinda like a a thing taken off in all over the world. 01:28:33.250 --> 01:28:35.030 It has largely to do with addictions. 01:28:36.005 --> 01:28:38.265 Remember, there's chemical and behavioral addictions. 01:28:38.565 --> 01:28:39.045 Okay? 01:28:39.045 --> 01:28:40.425 Food is, I think, both. 01:28:40.965 --> 01:28:43.925 It's a behavioral addiction, but there's all these are really our chemical addictions. 01:28:43.925 --> 01:28:50.190 There's an alteration of neurotransmitter neurotransmit excuse me, neurotransmission activity in the brain. 01:28:50.350 --> 01:28:50.590 Okay? 01:28:50.590 --> 01:29:03.070 So, I think the 12 any 12 step groups, but I if I think, the founder of Catholics Recovery, focuses also on addictions. 01:29:03.070 --> 01:29:03.390 He does. 01:29:03.390 --> 01:29:05.250 I think that's his primary thing is addictions. 01:29:05.390 --> 01:29:06.525 So that's something you wanna wanna look into. 01:29:07.465 --> 01:29:10.205 I think it's Catholics in Recovery dot org. 01:29:11.865 --> 01:29:13.165 I think you can try that. 01:29:14.505 --> 01:29:15.465 And there are other groups. 01:29:15.465 --> 01:29:26.920 I mean, people at parishes and certain therapy, agencies will probably one run the groups on, food addictions or gambling or shopping addictions. 01:29:27.780 --> 01:29:31.240 But I think largely, they they run a 12 step model, which is good. 01:29:31.705 --> 01:29:32.445 It's accountability. 01:29:32.905 --> 01:29:33.805 There's community. 01:29:34.185 --> 01:29:36.025 It's put you're putting yourself out there. 01:29:36.345 --> 01:29:42.665 So those can be very helpful because they all know everybody knows the suffering of addiction and how many times people relapse. 01:29:42.665 --> 01:29:48.460 We're talking a thousand times or thousand and one times, okay, that people relapse. 01:29:48.460 --> 01:29:50.800 And and they get so discouraged and despairing. 01:29:50.940 --> 01:29:56.860 So, so but, again, we have to persevere one day at a time, all that stuff. 01:29:56.860 --> 01:29:57.980 12 step is good. 01:29:57.980 --> 01:30:00.800 Calculus in recovery, give that a give that a whirl. 01:30:02.685 --> 01:30:06.925 Peter, could you share that resource again so I can type it in the chat? 01:30:06.925 --> 01:30:08.925 Peggy is requesting I do. 01:30:08.925 --> 01:30:09.245 Yeah. 01:30:09.245 --> 01:30:13.085 Catholicsinrecovery.org. 01:30:13.085 --> 01:30:14.625 I think it's capital c. 01:30:15.090 --> 01:30:15.810 It doesn't matter. 01:30:15.810 --> 01:30:19.350 You gotta you can Google search it, catholicsinrecovery.org. 01:30:19.970 --> 01:30:20.930 All over the world. 01:30:20.930 --> 01:30:21.430 Okay? 01:30:21.890 --> 01:30:22.930 There's people all over. 01:30:22.930 --> 01:30:25.270 It's all it's virtual, and it's in person. 01:30:25.330 --> 01:30:25.650 Okay? 01:30:25.650 --> 01:30:27.670 So he's doing a marvelous thing here. 01:30:27.785 --> 01:30:28.185 Okay? 01:30:28.185 --> 01:30:28.985 This this guy. 01:30:28.985 --> 01:30:31.405 I forget, Michelle, I forget his name. 01:30:31.545 --> 01:30:35.085 I know he's he's he's doing one of the breakout sessions, but I forget his name. 01:30:35.145 --> 01:30:37.565 But catholicsinrecovery.org. 01:30:39.990 --> 01:30:40.490 Okay. 01:30:40.550 --> 01:30:41.050 Okay. 01:30:41.110 --> 01:30:42.970 Next question, Peter. 01:30:43.110 --> 01:30:46.730 What are some of the factors that lead to loneliness in children? 01:30:47.590 --> 01:30:49.770 What role does bullying play? 01:30:50.470 --> 01:30:54.650 Are there any therapy classes for school children as part of the curriculum? 01:30:57.985 --> 01:31:03.685 I don't know of any therapy classes around here, that that I'm aware of. 01:31:05.025 --> 01:31:07.105 Bullying school children. 01:31:07.105 --> 01:31:07.345 Yeah. 01:31:07.345 --> 01:31:11.540 A lot of them will definitely isolate. 01:31:11.780 --> 01:31:14.420 They they in in school kids, they wanna fit in. 01:31:14.420 --> 01:31:14.740 Okay? 01:31:14.740 --> 01:31:16.100 Their main goal is to fit in. 01:31:16.100 --> 01:31:18.280 That attachment thing is is critical. 01:31:19.220 --> 01:31:19.720 Alright? 01:31:20.180 --> 01:31:21.780 So they wanna fit in. 01:31:21.780 --> 01:31:27.875 So they compromise their authenticity, okay, to some degree, especially the ones that are bullied. 01:31:27.875 --> 01:31:28.275 Okay? 01:31:28.275 --> 01:31:38.135 They're really going to they're gonna kind of fit in with doing everything right so they don't get bullied, okay, or they try to find the right click to to hook up to. 01:31:39.120 --> 01:31:46.800 But they they suffer deeply, and there should be more group therapy for children, that people who are gifted and giving that. 01:31:46.800 --> 01:31:52.160 Group therapy or, you know, even teachers that would be aware. 01:31:52.160 --> 01:31:53.625 I think some schools do that. 01:31:53.865 --> 01:31:54.185 You know? 01:31:54.185 --> 01:31:56.425 They talk about your feelings and not bullying. 01:31:56.425 --> 01:32:01.305 All these parameters that they they teach, they will probably some schools do provide that. 01:32:01.305 --> 01:32:07.800 I don't know anything specific to give you, regarding that, as far as you have to do kind of a search on that. 01:32:07.960 --> 01:32:08.460 Okay? 01:32:09.160 --> 01:32:10.700 But the kids suffer tremendously. 01:32:11.160 --> 01:32:11.480 Okay? 01:32:11.480 --> 01:32:15.100 And bullying bullying, I mean, that's the the deepest insecurity. 01:32:15.320 --> 01:32:15.820 Okay? 01:32:17.160 --> 01:32:18.540 And they've been so hurt. 01:32:18.680 --> 01:32:30.795 They have to, with their ego, be number one and feel a sense of empowerment because they were so humiliated or or inferior to people above them. 01:32:30.795 --> 01:32:35.055 They sort of flip, and they become the superior abuser. 01:32:35.510 --> 01:32:35.670 Okay. 01:32:35.670 --> 01:32:39.270 No one's gonna hurt me again, so I gotta be top dog. 01:32:39.270 --> 01:32:39.670 Alright? 01:32:39.670 --> 01:32:41.450 Happens in prison all the time too. 01:32:42.390 --> 01:32:42.890 Okay. 01:32:43.990 --> 01:32:46.070 So next question, Peter. 01:32:46.070 --> 01:32:52.265 How can we build connection in a world where their deception is becoming almost a norm? 01:32:54.325 --> 01:32:54.825 Exactly. 01:32:55.365 --> 01:33:00.485 Well, that's what I that's why, I said, if we remove God, this is gonna be the consequence. 01:33:00.485 --> 01:33:12.030 We remove God from culture, from society, and we don't come back to basic principles of moral teachings and a sense of, you know, godliness in our world, yep. 01:33:12.030 --> 01:33:13.170 That's going to happen. 01:33:13.310 --> 01:33:26.415 And it's probably it's it's it's probably going to be this is this is this king this world is not remember, this is, they some say the kingdom of Satan. 01:33:26.475 --> 01:33:26.955 Okay? 01:33:26.955 --> 01:33:28.655 This is not god's domain. 01:33:29.850 --> 01:33:32.430 Earth is is is God's footstool. 01:33:32.570 --> 01:33:33.070 Okay? 01:33:33.530 --> 01:33:37.150 And, true happiness and joy will be in heaven. 01:33:37.210 --> 01:33:39.610 So we can't expect that to happen on this earth. 01:33:39.610 --> 01:33:43.870 And we also don't wanna pull out the weeds, right, with the wheat. 01:33:44.305 --> 01:33:50.225 Because in case, god forbid, we pull up the wheat along and and as we try to pull up the weeds, we can't do that. 01:33:50.225 --> 01:33:51.185 We have to be very careful. 01:33:51.185 --> 01:34:01.140 That's why the lord said we have to wait till the end of time, so that the angels can gather the weeds and and burn the darnel and and and the wheat go to eternal life. 01:34:02.000 --> 01:34:07.460 So, that's a kind of a philosophical question there, theological too. 01:34:08.400 --> 01:34:10.605 So I guess one person at a time. 01:34:11.085 --> 01:34:19.825 It begins with yourself, building a relationship with God in prayer, meditation, commune contemplation. 01:34:19.965 --> 01:34:21.265 That's a gift, by the way. 01:34:21.325 --> 01:34:24.945 But you make time for prayers so that yourself right? 01:34:25.360 --> 01:34:28.400 Before kingdoms change, men must change or women must change. 01:34:28.400 --> 01:34:28.800 Okay? 01:34:28.800 --> 01:34:38.240 We so we we need to always focus on first with the self and God, and then when ourselves are integrated enough. 01:34:38.240 --> 01:34:47.315 So we have a prayer life regular prayer life with God, not just throughout the day praying, but a set morning time of prayer so that you can commune with the Lord. 01:34:47.615 --> 01:34:49.535 And then you get yourself together. 01:34:49.535 --> 01:34:50.670 You feel what you need to feel. 01:34:50.750 --> 01:34:52.450 You work through the psychological issues. 01:34:52.590 --> 01:34:53.730 You're not in denial. 01:34:53.790 --> 01:35:03.555 You're accepting accepting the reality of your cross, the cards that the lord allowed in your life, your hand, and you work with what you have best you can. 01:35:03.555 --> 01:35:15.235 And then when there's enough integration with trying to co regulate with others, building relationships, real relationships with people, that's how we can change the world. 01:35:15.235 --> 01:35:17.815 But but only by the grace of god can we do that. 01:35:18.610 --> 01:35:18.850 Okay? 01:35:18.850 --> 01:35:20.630 It's impossible without God. 01:35:21.330 --> 01:35:21.830 Impossible. 01:35:23.250 --> 01:35:25.010 And this is not God's kingdom, by the way. 01:35:25.010 --> 01:35:25.890 It's Satan's kingdom. 01:35:25.890 --> 01:35:26.690 That's the reality. 01:35:26.690 --> 01:35:33.910 That's kind of a bit old school, traditional, but that's that's what they say in the old schools, in the old church, pre Vatican too. 01:35:35.625 --> 01:35:40.025 So next question, Peter Carlos, thanks you. 01:35:40.025 --> 01:35:42.685 One of many thanking you for your wonderful presentation. 01:35:43.465 --> 01:35:53.260 His question is, though implicit in much of your content, how or where does forgiveness in parentheses of self and or others play a role? 01:35:53.960 --> 01:35:54.680 Oh, man. 01:35:54.680 --> 01:35:55.180 Huge. 01:35:55.560 --> 01:35:56.280 I mean, that's yeah. 01:35:56.280 --> 01:35:57.400 I didn't go there. 01:35:57.400 --> 01:35:59.000 Forgiveness is absolutely thanks. 01:35:59.000 --> 01:36:01.340 Whoever you said bring that up, that's so critical. 01:36:02.120 --> 01:36:11.365 So forgiveness is something that the Lord we need to do that as well in our personal formation development, in our relating with other people, people that hurt us. 01:36:11.365 --> 01:36:15.465 God what god asks of us is that we choose to forgive people. 01:36:15.525 --> 01:36:17.625 He doesn't say you're gonna feel forgiveness. 01:36:18.450 --> 01:36:18.610 Okay? 01:36:18.610 --> 01:36:22.150 He he wants us to you forgive one another as I've forgiven you. 01:36:22.210 --> 01:36:24.150 He wants us to choose to forgive. 01:36:24.210 --> 01:36:27.430 Now that doesn't the the feelings aren't gonna go away. 01:36:27.890 --> 01:36:28.390 Okay? 01:36:28.450 --> 01:36:29.990 You can still forgive someone. 01:36:30.535 --> 01:36:30.935 Okay? 01:36:30.935 --> 01:36:32.775 And you're never gonna forget it. 01:36:32.775 --> 01:36:33.975 You don't have to forget it. 01:36:33.975 --> 01:36:35.015 It'll still be there. 01:36:35.015 --> 01:36:36.875 But you can choose to forgive this person. 01:36:37.095 --> 01:36:41.115 And, eventually, you can forgive, in the heart level. 01:36:41.255 --> 01:36:41.735 Okay? 01:36:41.735 --> 01:36:44.695 You may not at first, but it's the will that the lord asked. 01:36:44.695 --> 01:36:45.755 We have to choose. 01:36:46.080 --> 01:36:47.920 Lord, I don't want to forgive this person. 01:36:47.920 --> 01:36:48.900 Help me to choose. 01:36:49.280 --> 01:36:51.220 Again, we have to turn to god for everything. 01:36:52.000 --> 01:36:54.900 Lord, help me to choose to forgive the help me to forgive this person. 01:36:54.960 --> 01:36:56.080 And it may take a year. 01:36:56.080 --> 01:36:57.280 It may take a minute. 01:36:57.280 --> 01:36:57.840 Who knows? 01:36:57.840 --> 01:36:58.740 But you're choosing. 01:36:59.025 --> 01:37:01.425 It's your will that the lord is asking you to do. 01:37:01.425 --> 01:37:03.285 His command to forgive one another. 01:37:03.665 --> 01:37:04.165 Okay? 01:37:04.625 --> 01:37:08.865 Not your feelings, you'll still be hurt, and you don't have to reconcile the person either. 01:37:08.865 --> 01:37:10.565 It's not necessary to reconcile. 01:37:10.945 --> 01:37:14.370 If you can, using 12 step principles, fine. 01:37:14.910 --> 01:37:15.950 You that'd be great. 01:37:15.950 --> 01:37:17.810 If if all the best, then you're reconciled. 01:37:18.110 --> 01:37:18.350 Okay? 01:37:18.350 --> 01:37:24.770 And god wants us to reconcile with one another, but that doesn't always happen because it takes two parties to want to reconcile. 01:37:25.230 --> 01:37:26.350 One wants to reconcile. 01:37:26.350 --> 01:37:28.935 The other one says forget it, and then they leave. 01:37:28.935 --> 01:37:29.435 Okay? 01:37:29.895 --> 01:37:31.735 But forgiveness is in the will. 01:37:31.735 --> 01:37:33.275 The emotions may come later. 01:37:34.135 --> 01:37:38.395 The reconciliation may may never come, but that that's ancillary. 01:37:38.615 --> 01:37:39.915 That's that's separate. 01:37:40.295 --> 01:37:42.135 If it that happens, wonderful. 01:37:42.135 --> 01:37:45.560 If it doesn't, you've done your part by forgiving this person. 01:37:46.180 --> 01:37:55.400 That's a huge issue because a lot of people have deep hate and hurt hate, okay, and hurt, for being abused, neglected by their parents, whatever. 01:37:55.460 --> 01:37:55.960 Okay? 01:37:57.145 --> 01:38:03.865 A partner, multiple relationships gone really bad, like we talked earlier, but forgiveness is in the will. 01:38:03.865 --> 01:38:05.405 And it's gotta be the right time. 01:38:05.545 --> 01:38:06.045 Okay? 01:38:06.105 --> 01:38:11.385 You don't have to don't feel like you have to as a sense of obligation to forgive in the sense that, okay. 01:38:11.385 --> 01:38:14.720 I gotta forgive because god will, you know, God'll okay. 01:38:14.720 --> 01:38:16.080 I I God said I have to forgive. 01:38:16.080 --> 01:38:16.580 Okay. 01:38:16.800 --> 01:38:17.300 Alright. 01:38:17.360 --> 01:38:18.800 So there's gonna be a time for that. 01:38:18.800 --> 01:38:18.960 Yep. 01:38:18.960 --> 01:38:21.360 You want to be able to freely choose that time. 01:38:21.360 --> 01:38:22.820 It has to come through prayer. 01:38:22.880 --> 01:38:25.540 Lord, help me to forgive this person. 01:38:25.600 --> 01:38:27.360 That really, really hurt me. 01:38:27.360 --> 01:38:30.825 And if we don't reconcile, please, if it happens, thank you. 01:38:30.825 --> 01:38:33.305 If it doesn't, I'm okay with that. 01:38:33.305 --> 01:38:33.625 Okay? 01:38:33.625 --> 01:38:36.445 Or and you pray for that other person for forgiveness. 01:38:36.665 --> 01:38:37.165 Spouses. 01:38:37.385 --> 01:38:37.885 Okay? 01:38:38.025 --> 01:38:39.405 Deep hurt between spouses. 01:38:39.545 --> 01:38:41.325 They carry their pain for years. 01:38:41.850 --> 01:38:42.170 Okay? 01:38:42.170 --> 01:38:46.970 And they can't communicate because it's everything's so trapped inside. 01:38:46.970 --> 01:38:48.490 There's there's, like, they're fighting. 01:38:48.490 --> 01:38:52.110 They're all emotionally reacting to each other like a pinball machine. 01:38:52.250 --> 01:38:55.725 All this emotionality just spews out between couples. 01:38:55.725 --> 01:38:56.225 Okay? 01:38:56.765 --> 01:38:58.205 The hurt goes so deep. 01:38:58.205 --> 01:38:58.705 Okay? 01:38:59.325 --> 01:39:03.085 So what you have to step back, bring God into the center of it. 01:39:03.085 --> 01:39:04.465 Lord, help me to forgive. 01:39:04.605 --> 01:39:07.245 It may take a while, but God will answer the prayer. 01:39:07.245 --> 01:39:08.385 He answers our prayers. 01:39:08.525 --> 01:39:09.025 Alright? 01:39:09.580 --> 01:39:14.160 But you have to choose at the right time in your freedom to forgive that person. 01:39:14.380 --> 01:39:15.900 So thank you for bringing that up. 01:39:15.900 --> 01:39:17.100 I shoulda had that in the slide. 01:39:17.100 --> 01:39:19.840 That is absolutely critical, this forgiveness. 01:39:22.035 --> 01:39:23.495 So next question, Peter. 01:39:23.795 --> 01:39:32.535 How do you cancel p counsel people who have borderline personality disorder who do not think nor want to take medicine? 01:39:33.555 --> 01:39:34.295 Oh, interesting. 01:39:39.200 --> 01:39:42.640 Well, that's that's, that's a difficult thing. 01:39:42.640 --> 01:39:43.760 But they don't wanna take medicine. 01:39:43.760 --> 01:39:44.160 I mean, look. 01:39:44.160 --> 01:39:47.440 Medicine is it's an it's it's an aid. 01:39:47.440 --> 01:39:47.840 Okay? 01:39:47.840 --> 01:39:54.385 It doesn't get to the core of your problem, but it does alleviate the intensity of the emotional pain. 01:39:54.605 --> 01:39:55.725 That's what medications do. 01:39:55.725 --> 01:39:57.105 They also numb out people. 01:39:57.325 --> 01:40:10.850 So I have reserve reservations regarding medication, but I I think, the right medication you gotta find the right doctor with the right medication to find that that sort of that fine point. 01:40:11.630 --> 01:40:12.290 You know? 01:40:13.390 --> 01:40:22.285 It can be helpful for therapy and for helping someone get connected to themselves and work and to heal through things. 01:40:22.425 --> 01:40:23.725 Now it comes to the borderline. 01:40:23.785 --> 01:40:26.745 If you don't wanna take medication, not much you can do about that. 01:40:26.745 --> 01:40:28.205 You can only offer that. 01:40:28.265 --> 01:40:33.245 And if you don't want to, then you just have to rely on what are the resources they're willing to do. 01:40:33.660 --> 01:40:34.160 Therapy. 01:40:35.740 --> 01:40:36.220 I mean, look. 01:40:36.220 --> 01:40:39.980 I have a I have a 70 year old borderline right now. 01:40:39.980 --> 01:40:41.020 She's 70 years old. 01:40:41.020 --> 01:40:41.520 Okay? 01:40:41.660 --> 01:40:43.280 And she suffered tremendously. 01:40:43.660 --> 01:40:44.800 She's not taking medication. 01:40:45.820 --> 01:40:47.840 But I'll be probably seeing her for years. 01:40:49.155 --> 01:40:51.015 You know, pay me Amy till she passes. 01:40:51.075 --> 01:40:51.475 Okay? 01:40:51.475 --> 01:40:55.795 Because there's a denial with the borderline person. 01:40:55.795 --> 01:40:57.015 They're they're unable. 01:40:57.235 --> 01:40:59.415 The hurt is so deep with them. 01:40:59.555 --> 01:41:01.095 They cannot trust anybody. 01:41:01.350 --> 01:41:01.750 Okay? 01:41:01.750 --> 01:41:14.410 And they try to, they've been hurt so many times when they try to open a door just a little bit for a person, and then they got ghosted or they were broken up, and they have repeated hurts over their lives, over decades. 01:41:14.710 --> 01:41:22.145 And that weighs heavily on the soul, on their psyche, that it's almost impossible to learn how to trust. 01:41:22.445 --> 01:41:22.945 Okay? 01:41:23.245 --> 01:41:31.620 It's possible by the again, by the grace of God, they can work through their their issues therapeutically without medication. 01:41:31.760 --> 01:41:32.660 It is possible. 01:41:32.880 --> 01:41:34.800 But, boy, that's a task for the therapist. 01:41:34.800 --> 01:41:38.740 I had many I had quite a few borderlines working, and it's very, very difficult. 01:41:39.040 --> 01:41:40.320 And they're not bad people. 01:41:40.320 --> 01:41:41.280 They're not bad. 01:41:41.280 --> 01:41:42.000 They're hurt. 01:41:42.000 --> 01:41:42.500 Okay? 01:41:42.995 --> 01:41:43.635 They're hurt. 01:41:43.635 --> 01:41:44.935 They're deeply wounded. 01:41:44.995 --> 01:41:45.495 Okay? 01:41:45.795 --> 01:41:47.415 And there there's no authenticity. 01:41:47.875 --> 01:41:49.895 The need for attachment is so great. 01:41:50.355 --> 01:41:54.195 They compromise themselves in order to be accepted, and yet they push. 01:41:54.195 --> 01:41:55.235 So they're like this. 01:41:55.235 --> 01:41:58.360 The borderline come here, but stay away from me. 01:41:58.360 --> 01:42:00.060 Come here, they stay away. 01:42:00.360 --> 01:42:04.700 So because they don't know what it means to be loved and attached to another human being. 01:42:05.000 --> 01:42:05.660 You see? 01:42:05.880 --> 01:42:07.020 This is archaic. 01:42:07.160 --> 01:42:14.935 This happens in infancy or or childhood or somewhere along adolescence or even in their adult lives, they were so deeply hurt. 01:42:15.075 --> 01:42:15.575 Okay? 01:42:16.515 --> 01:42:19.575 And that's a personality issue, personality disorder issue. 01:42:19.635 --> 01:42:21.655 Very hard to treat that. 01:42:22.115 --> 01:42:23.655 It is possible without medications. 01:42:23.875 --> 01:42:31.190 I do I've seen clients with borderline without medication, but most of them were on medication. 01:42:31.490 --> 01:42:31.810 Okay. 01:42:31.810 --> 01:42:40.905 So, yeah, challenge to you, my friend, if you're seeing someone with borderline, if you're a therapist, but stick with it. 01:42:41.145 --> 01:42:47.565 If there's no match, if there's no connection with the borderline, they're probably they'll probably do therapy excuse me, therapist shopping. 01:42:47.625 --> 01:42:50.025 You know, they're gonna go from one therapist to the next. 01:42:50.025 --> 01:42:50.345 Right? 01:42:50.345 --> 01:42:57.940 Because they get the therapist says something, get really close, and then the wall comes up, and then they say and then they attack the therapist. 01:42:57.940 --> 01:42:58.260 Right? 01:42:58.260 --> 01:42:59.620 The time okay. 01:42:59.620 --> 01:43:00.840 And then they take off. 01:43:01.460 --> 01:43:03.480 This happens a lot. 01:43:03.700 --> 01:43:05.640 Look at Cartman's drama triangle. 01:43:05.780 --> 01:43:06.180 Okay. 01:43:06.180 --> 01:43:08.180 That's why I recommend this person ask this question. 01:43:08.180 --> 01:43:09.000 Look at Cartman. 01:43:09.205 --> 01:43:15.945 Cartman drama triangle, k a r p m a n, drama triangle. 01:43:17.205 --> 01:43:18.745 The Cartman drama triangle. 01:43:18.885 --> 01:43:20.665 Persecutor, rescuer, victim. 01:43:20.725 --> 01:43:21.225 Okay? 01:43:22.245 --> 01:43:26.780 Look that up, and that might help you, to help with someone. 01:43:26.780 --> 01:43:28.220 I read I I have it on my wall. 01:43:28.220 --> 01:43:32.460 I refer to this all the time with my war line people because you can get sucked in. 01:43:32.460 --> 01:43:32.960 Okay? 01:43:33.500 --> 01:43:36.460 You get sucked in and want to rescue them, and you can't. 01:43:36.460 --> 01:43:37.680 You cannot do that. 01:43:37.925 --> 01:43:38.085 Okay. 01:43:38.085 --> 01:43:40.905 So, anyway, I'm kind of being tangential a little bit here. 01:43:40.965 --> 01:43:48.165 But, long short of it, they can be treated with that medication without medication. 01:43:48.165 --> 01:43:53.460 But a lot more, it'll expedite much quicker their healing if they turn to god. 01:43:53.460 --> 01:43:55.300 Again, the lord being the center of their lives. 01:43:55.300 --> 01:44:01.560 And if god is not, you do what you can each session at a time without being sucked in. 01:44:01.620 --> 01:44:02.120 Okay? 01:44:02.340 --> 01:44:05.060 Get the Cartman drama triangle, and that'll help you. 01:44:05.060 --> 01:44:05.560 Okay? 01:44:07.615 --> 01:44:08.915 Next question, Peter. 01:44:09.135 --> 01:44:13.315 One of the most common forms of isolation in adolescence is ostracizing. 01:44:13.775 --> 01:44:17.715 How can you address that with a suffering child that feels ostracized? 01:44:23.510 --> 01:44:24.010 Yeah. 01:44:25.830 --> 01:44:27.190 Suffering child feels ostracized. 01:44:27.190 --> 01:44:27.670 Well, look. 01:44:27.670 --> 01:44:32.970 I mean, well, it depends if they're open to therapy or some form of rehabilitation. 01:44:34.445 --> 01:44:40.145 You initiate and you ask them and you invite them if they want that. 01:44:40.365 --> 01:44:41.425 Some of them refuse. 01:44:41.885 --> 01:44:47.325 Some of them, my parents drag their kids in when they're teenagers, and they don't wanna be seen. 01:44:47.325 --> 01:44:50.400 And I tell a parent, don't bring him in. 01:44:50.400 --> 01:44:51.280 He's not ready. 01:44:51.280 --> 01:44:52.660 He's not ready to look at himself. 01:44:52.880 --> 01:44:55.280 If he's open to it, then we'll give it a whirl. 01:44:55.280 --> 01:44:58.400 But if he's not, there's nothing we can do. 01:44:58.400 --> 01:45:01.155 He he's gotta come to want a therapy at his own terms. 01:45:01.155 --> 01:45:02.615 He has a rational mind. 01:45:02.835 --> 01:45:03.335 Okay? 01:45:03.475 --> 01:45:04.855 His brain is still developing. 01:45:05.075 --> 01:45:05.575 Fine. 01:45:06.115 --> 01:45:07.975 But he has to wanna come on his own. 01:45:08.035 --> 01:45:10.135 We wanna respect the freedom of our teenagers. 01:45:10.995 --> 01:45:16.240 Now if they're suffering, yeah, it takes the parents to be educated on these things. 01:45:16.240 --> 01:45:27.955 So parents need to be educated on how to, again, receive their child nonjudgmentally by listening to them, by loving them without so much correcting the behavior. 01:45:28.415 --> 01:45:30.595 Look at what's underneath behavior. 01:45:30.735 --> 01:45:31.695 There's always something. 01:45:31.695 --> 01:45:33.795 Like we said, there's always something underneath. 01:45:34.095 --> 01:45:38.975 The behavior is just a symptom, a manifestation of of inner pain. 01:45:38.975 --> 01:45:39.475 Okay? 01:45:39.935 --> 01:45:41.970 And that gets crystal. 01:45:41.970 --> 01:45:45.990 It it gets crusted over, and then that's where you get your acting out. 01:45:46.210 --> 01:45:52.570 So parents need to be educated, especially, on how to parent their teenage children or children. 01:45:52.570 --> 01:45:52.850 Okay? 01:45:54.530 --> 01:45:56.790 That means letting them be what they need to be. 01:45:57.355 --> 01:45:58.715 You have to you can't change them. 01:45:58.715 --> 01:46:03.455 If you if you're too authoritarian as a parent, yeah, you're just gonna lose your kid. 01:46:03.515 --> 01:46:03.915 Right? 01:46:03.915 --> 01:46:06.475 If you're too authoritarian, they're not gonna listen to you. 01:46:06.475 --> 01:46:07.755 They're gonna shut you down. 01:46:07.755 --> 01:46:08.255 Yeah. 01:46:08.715 --> 01:46:13.650 And you may not be able to do anything because the the wound has been so deep, so great. 01:46:14.510 --> 01:46:22.770 So, anyway, parents need to be educated at an early age to learn these principles that we're we discussed here and others. 01:46:22.990 --> 01:46:27.730 The two other presenters, I'm sure, are gonna present valuable information to help the teenager. 01:46:28.255 --> 01:46:28.755 Okay? 01:46:29.375 --> 01:46:34.595 The adolescent in their suffering because I'll guarantee they're suffering, and they act out. 01:46:34.655 --> 01:46:37.155 Don't punish them for acting out. 01:46:37.695 --> 01:46:39.635 They're not freely choosing to be bad. 01:46:39.935 --> 01:46:40.415 Okay? 01:46:40.415 --> 01:46:43.955 They're reacting to an internal pain system in within them. 01:46:44.310 --> 01:46:44.790 Okay? 01:46:44.790 --> 01:46:48.710 Wounded little boy, the inner child, alright, that is is acting out. 01:46:48.710 --> 01:46:51.610 And the only way a lot of these people get attention is by acting out. 01:46:51.830 --> 01:46:55.910 If I act out and behave and that manifest my behaviors, hey. 01:46:55.910 --> 01:46:56.890 I'm being noticed. 01:46:57.375 --> 01:46:57.855 Okay? 01:46:57.855 --> 01:46:59.075 At least I'm being seen. 01:46:59.135 --> 01:47:00.175 At least people are seeing me. 01:47:00.175 --> 01:47:02.515 At least I'm being noticed by by acting out behaviors. 01:47:02.815 --> 01:47:03.315 Okay? 01:47:03.375 --> 01:47:04.755 And they resort to that. 01:47:05.375 --> 01:47:10.260 Harry Styles Sullivan talks about the good me, the bad me, and the not me. 01:47:11.460 --> 01:47:12.660 The good me, good. 01:47:12.660 --> 01:47:12.980 Right? 01:47:12.980 --> 01:47:13.860 They have to be good. 01:47:13.860 --> 01:47:15.240 That that could be a problem. 01:47:15.540 --> 01:47:17.560 The bad me, I have to act out my behaviors. 01:47:18.180 --> 01:47:18.680 Okay? 01:47:18.740 --> 01:47:19.700 I have to be bad. 01:47:19.700 --> 01:47:22.600 And then I the only only way I get attention is by being bad. 01:47:22.660 --> 01:47:23.560 I'll be incarcerated. 01:47:23.865 --> 01:47:24.825 I'll have detention. 01:47:24.825 --> 01:47:25.645 I'll be expelled. 01:47:25.865 --> 01:47:27.165 At least I'm getting noticed. 01:47:27.225 --> 01:47:27.725 Okay? 01:47:28.265 --> 01:47:30.345 That's how that's what these people resort to. 01:47:30.345 --> 01:47:31.565 There's so much suffering. 01:47:31.945 --> 01:47:35.805 The not me are the invisible ones according to Harry Stock Sullivan. 01:47:36.105 --> 01:47:39.410 The not mes are they're invisible. 01:47:40.110 --> 01:47:41.070 Talk about loneliness. 01:47:41.070 --> 01:47:43.970 That's probably the deepest form of loneliness is the not me. 01:47:44.030 --> 01:47:44.530 Okay? 01:47:45.310 --> 01:48:01.785 And these people, they need to be nonjudgmentally in their freedom, respect their space to listen to them if they are open to your initiative of wanting to help have them put words to their feelings. 01:48:02.245 --> 01:48:03.385 It's gotta be nonjudgmental. 01:48:03.605 --> 01:48:05.385 You have to really sit back. 01:48:05.525 --> 01:48:12.900 And if they're willing to, either parent or therapist or teacher or whatever, that they are able to put words to how they're feeling. 01:48:13.760 --> 01:48:14.720 It's very, very hard. 01:48:14.720 --> 01:48:16.340 Teenagers are suffering tremendously. 01:48:16.800 --> 01:48:17.300 Okay? 01:48:18.720 --> 01:48:21.645 I don't know if that answers your question, but that's a huge, huge problem. 01:48:21.645 --> 01:48:25.985 But I think a primary education is with the parents, and they're not being educated on this. 01:48:26.685 --> 01:48:27.185 Okay? 01:48:27.805 --> 01:48:31.585 They're just they did throw they they just you know? 01:48:33.405 --> 01:48:45.750 The schools I worked in not the schools, the kids that I worked with, when I was in Michigan, they would send the kids to me, and they say they cannot come back to class until they're gone until they're on medication. 01:48:46.210 --> 01:48:46.610 Okay? 01:48:46.610 --> 01:48:50.950 Or they have a behavior plan or the judge says they're willing to ready to come back, whatever. 01:48:51.625 --> 01:48:53.165 Truancy, all these things. 01:48:53.865 --> 01:49:00.265 So and then they're constantly in the system of being corrected and corrected and and told this do this. 01:49:00.265 --> 01:49:01.145 Don't do this. 01:49:01.145 --> 01:49:01.645 Alright? 01:49:01.785 --> 01:49:10.370 This top down, top down parenting approach is is just not working with kids because they have no sense of freedom. 01:49:10.370 --> 01:49:15.990 They have no sense of of self, and because their emotions are all jumbled up with thought within them. 01:49:16.115 --> 01:49:18.455 They can't make sense of what's happening inside them. 01:49:18.675 --> 01:49:21.015 So they have no choice but to act out. 01:49:23.715 --> 01:49:25.575 So do not punish your kids. 01:49:25.715 --> 01:49:30.215 Now if they are acting out impetuously, they will. 01:49:30.440 --> 01:49:35.080 Those who are deeply wounded, they're gonna act out, or they're gonna internalize their pain. 01:49:35.080 --> 01:49:37.880 So they act out or they're gonna internalize their pain. 01:49:37.880 --> 01:49:46.140 That's where you get your depression and isolation and back to the, Gabor Mate principle of authenticity and detachment, out of whack. 01:49:47.585 --> 01:49:50.865 So, yeah, long short, parents have to be educated on this. 01:49:51.185 --> 01:49:52.465 There's gotta be more groups on this. 01:49:52.465 --> 01:49:54.965 There's gotta be more education on with parents. 01:49:56.305 --> 01:49:56.625 Yeah. 01:49:56.625 --> 01:49:58.405 It's it's, like, terrible. 01:49:59.585 --> 01:50:00.465 But there's hope. 01:50:00.465 --> 01:50:02.245 God is this an answer to everything. 01:50:03.960 --> 01:50:05.720 Three last questions, Peter. 01:50:05.720 --> 01:50:06.220 Yeah. 01:50:07.880 --> 01:50:09.400 Leslie writes, thank you so much. 01:50:09.400 --> 01:50:24.755 And do you know of any great parenting programs for Catholic schools and or parishes to help parents to have courage to put everything aside and affirm their children at her at home so that in the home and outside the home, their children will not feel lonely. 01:50:25.215 --> 01:50:30.770 Peter, are you familiar with Theology of the Body that doctor Sodagren is putting in a lot of schools? 01:50:31.790 --> 01:50:32.290 No. 01:50:32.430 --> 01:50:32.930 Yeah. 01:50:33.070 --> 01:50:33.230 No. 01:50:33.230 --> 01:50:33.630 I'm kidding. 01:50:33.630 --> 01:50:34.290 I am. 01:50:34.750 --> 01:50:35.710 I love theology. 01:50:35.710 --> 01:50:36.910 Theology of the body is amazing. 01:50:36.910 --> 01:50:38.290 So who's putting that out? 01:50:38.830 --> 01:50:39.730 Doctor Sodagren. 01:50:40.270 --> 01:50:40.670 Oh, yeah. 01:50:40.670 --> 01:50:40.910 Yeah. 01:50:40.910 --> 01:50:41.230 Okay. 01:50:41.310 --> 01:50:42.590 To all the Catholic schools. 01:50:42.590 --> 01:50:47.645 But in answer to her question, you know, I know that they're doing it at a lot of different schools. 01:50:47.645 --> 01:50:51.825 She can Google it and that it's really a beautiful program. 01:50:52.285 --> 01:51:00.180 One of the gals that used to work for Divine Mercy is actually, educating people in the schools, the teachers, and it's just become amazing. 01:51:01.380 --> 01:51:01.860 Yeah. 01:51:01.860 --> 01:51:03.460 I have also a resource list here. 01:51:03.620 --> 01:51:04.920 I'd have to find it. 01:51:06.420 --> 01:51:10.200 I gotta find which PowerPoint presentation I have that in. 01:51:10.580 --> 01:51:12.580 But, yeah, theology of the body is excellent. 01:51:12.580 --> 01:51:21.455 That's that's that really does get to the, the nitty gritty of of proper human anthropology, as God created. 01:51:21.515 --> 01:51:22.015 Okay? 01:51:22.555 --> 01:51:23.915 Theology of the body is excellent. 01:51:23.915 --> 01:51:24.575 It's beautiful. 01:51:24.715 --> 01:51:39.270 So that would be helpful when it comes to, you know, dealing with emotional problems, psychological problems, I mean, I would say I'm biased, but get born only once. 01:51:40.050 --> 01:51:44.310 Have parents read that, to read that. 01:51:45.295 --> 01:51:47.855 What there's other, good stuff out there. 01:51:47.855 --> 01:51:53.075 Born only once is just a nice simple introduction to people who are unaffirmed. 01:51:53.215 --> 01:51:54.675 Parents need to know this. 01:51:54.815 --> 01:52:03.410 As far as other programs that Michelle mentioned, I'd have to find, my PowerPoint that explains that. 01:52:03.410 --> 01:52:03.810 I'm sorry. 01:52:03.810 --> 01:52:05.350 I don't have it pulled up right now. 01:52:06.770 --> 01:52:13.190 But I I Google search you can do a Catholic Google search too on that, to answer that question for you. 01:52:13.755 --> 01:52:26.575 So education is key and then loving presence, giving allowing space for the child to, you know, for these teachers and, to let them have a voice. 01:52:26.820 --> 01:52:27.320 Right? 01:52:27.380 --> 01:52:30.200 Parents are too quick to give instruction. 01:52:30.420 --> 01:52:30.920 Okay? 01:52:31.300 --> 01:52:38.120 Way too quick, and they need to allow a space so that the child could formulate his thoughts and feelings to somebody. 01:52:38.820 --> 01:52:39.320 Right? 01:52:40.180 --> 01:52:43.125 But we're too quick to interject and get results. 01:52:43.125 --> 01:52:47.625 We're very result oriented, way too result oriented in our world today. 01:52:48.005 --> 01:52:48.405 Okay? 01:52:48.405 --> 01:52:52.345 That's why I'm recommending you guys look at Conrad Barrs and Anoturu's work. 01:52:53.765 --> 01:52:55.465 Self psychology by Kohut. 01:52:56.040 --> 01:52:58.540 Just beautiful, very good systems theory. 01:52:58.920 --> 01:52:59.400 Okay. 01:52:59.400 --> 01:53:01.080 You look at, Murray Bowen too. 01:53:01.080 --> 01:53:05.180 Murray Bowen, systems theory is just excellent. 01:53:05.240 --> 01:53:06.860 Parents need to know this. 01:53:07.000 --> 01:53:07.320 Okay. 01:53:07.320 --> 01:53:09.465 There's a through the website. 01:53:09.465 --> 01:53:11.805 Just type Google Marie Bowen. 01:53:11.865 --> 01:53:12.105 Okay. 01:53:12.105 --> 01:53:16.285 Doctor Marie Bowen, systems theory, family systems theory. 01:53:17.065 --> 01:53:17.565 Okay. 01:53:19.625 --> 01:53:21.945 Or emotion focused therapy by Sue Johnson. 01:53:21.945 --> 01:53:28.330 I mean, these are very good teaching tools, but I don't know of any specific schools that are doing this. 01:53:28.950 --> 01:53:33.050 I I I really don't see any in our area that are doing this in the school system. 01:53:34.310 --> 01:53:34.550 Right? 01:53:34.550 --> 01:53:37.610 And kids are suffering, and they're they're carrying their pain alone. 01:53:37.670 --> 01:53:38.170 Okay? 01:53:38.495 --> 01:53:40.495 They are walking deserted islands. 01:53:40.495 --> 01:53:41.635 So that's what's happening. 01:53:44.895 --> 01:53:51.875 So, yeah, Gabor Mate said that don't don't be so quick to give solutions to your kids. 01:53:51.935 --> 01:53:56.480 You have to step back and don't don't don't say, how? 01:53:57.100 --> 01:53:58.220 What do you what do you want me to do? 01:53:58.220 --> 01:53:59.760 How am I supposed to fix this child? 01:54:00.860 --> 01:54:02.000 That's the wrong question. 01:54:02.700 --> 01:54:03.500 What's going on? 01:54:03.500 --> 01:54:04.460 Why is it going on? 01:54:04.460 --> 01:54:06.240 Why is this happening with my child? 01:54:06.375 --> 01:54:23.750 And then we have to sit back and let's, hopefully, by the grace of god, the parents step back and take a listening approach without interjecting, without allow that's that sort of uncomfortable silence, okay, so that the child could formulate his thoughts and feelings. 01:54:23.750 --> 01:54:24.710 He may not open up. 01:54:24.710 --> 01:54:26.090 He may not even open up. 01:54:26.550 --> 01:54:27.050 Okay? 01:54:27.670 --> 01:54:29.350 It it does take a village to raise a child. 01:54:29.350 --> 01:54:30.170 It really does. 01:54:30.310 --> 01:54:34.505 Both parents, if possible, family, friends, teachers. 01:54:34.725 --> 01:54:35.225 Okay? 01:54:36.645 --> 01:54:42.885 Behavior plan, probably good thing, or an IEP would be good in the school system for these kids. 01:54:42.885 --> 01:54:58.070 They would need an IEP, an individualized as individualized educational plan in the school system so they can team up and help the child in their suffering and not just give all these rules and regulations. 01:54:58.130 --> 01:55:01.270 And if you do this, you know, we're gonna force you to take medication. 01:55:02.290 --> 01:55:03.110 A lot of coercion. 01:55:04.295 --> 01:55:17.435 That's why I recommend bars in two because they take an inside they take a not down not a top down approach, but a bottom up approach so that we see what's going on in the inside of the person and their deep suffering that they've repressed. 01:55:21.360 --> 01:55:23.120 So next question, Peter Sorry. 01:55:23.120 --> 01:55:25.120 That was a bit long winded, but hope that No. 01:55:25.120 --> 01:55:25.840 It's okay. 01:55:25.840 --> 01:55:26.160 Yeah. 01:55:26.640 --> 01:55:28.500 Can you speak about scrupulosity? 01:55:29.200 --> 01:55:32.100 What function does it perform within a person's psychology? 01:55:33.075 --> 01:55:34.215 Oh, lord have mercy. 01:55:35.155 --> 01:55:35.655 Yeah. 01:55:36.595 --> 01:55:37.815 That's a huge topic. 01:55:38.275 --> 01:55:43.815 So, believe it or not, I'm not writing a paper on this right now. 01:55:45.490 --> 01:55:48.790 This is for scrupulitis form is obsessive compulsive disorder. 01:55:48.850 --> 01:55:49.010 Okay. 01:55:49.010 --> 01:55:54.230 It would fit that diagnostic DSM category of obsessive compulsive. 01:55:55.250 --> 01:55:59.190 And it has to do with the fear and let me just pull this up. 01:55:59.325 --> 01:55:59.485 Gosh. 01:55:59.485 --> 01:56:01.985 I wish I could show you guys here. 01:56:02.205 --> 01:56:05.105 So it has to do the with the fear of sexual feelings. 01:56:05.805 --> 01:56:06.305 Okay? 01:56:06.525 --> 01:56:08.865 So it has to do with the fear. 01:56:09.325 --> 01:56:09.825 Scrupulosity. 01:56:11.530 --> 01:56:19.230 First of all, they're self absorbed in their scruples, and they have to go right away, to a priest for confession. 01:56:20.650 --> 01:56:24.890 They're they're self absorbed in their in their fear of offending God. 01:56:24.890 --> 01:56:25.390 Okay? 01:56:28.955 --> 01:56:33.435 And, it's important gosh. 01:56:33.435 --> 01:56:34.655 What did that priest say? 01:56:36.075 --> 01:56:37.775 There was a presentation on this recently. 01:56:38.315 --> 01:56:42.440 So, okay, wait. 01:56:42.440 --> 01:56:43.660 So how can I say this? 01:56:43.960 --> 01:56:45.740 So this is such a huge topic. 01:56:46.600 --> 01:56:50.840 So what happens is what people do is they repress their sexual drive. 01:56:50.840 --> 01:56:52.815 It it could be in their emotional life. 01:56:52.895 --> 01:57:00.435 It could be their anger, their hate, their their god forbid they feel hate because god says don't hate, so they repress it. 01:57:01.055 --> 01:57:08.435 And that gets trapped inside the self or their sexual feelings get trapped inside themselves because they are afraid of offending god. 01:57:08.870 --> 01:57:09.270 Okay? 01:57:09.270 --> 01:57:19.450 So this is the nuts and bolts of mortification therapy by, again, Anna Turo and father Willam Dunstie is the repression of their sexual drive. 01:57:19.990 --> 01:57:23.610 And because of the fear of offending god, they have to repress. 01:57:23.925 --> 01:57:27.785 It's an automatic reaction that they repress the sexual drive. 01:57:28.245 --> 01:57:42.370 This happens because somewhere along the way, the parents, either educated that sex pleasure is sinful, okay, or they felt remember we talked about co regulation. 01:57:42.830 --> 01:57:47.710 They felt the parents' disapproval of of anything sexual related. 01:57:47.710 --> 01:57:47.950 Okay. 01:57:47.950 --> 01:57:49.410 I'm using sex as an example. 01:57:49.785 --> 01:57:51.785 So they repress her because their upbringing. 01:57:51.785 --> 01:57:54.365 They taught, you know, Baltimore catechism. 01:57:54.505 --> 01:57:55.005 Okay. 01:57:55.225 --> 01:57:55.725 Alright. 01:57:56.105 --> 01:57:57.545 And they repress her sexual. 01:57:57.545 --> 01:58:00.105 Their normal, natural, God given sexual drive. 01:58:00.105 --> 01:58:01.165 They repress it. 01:58:01.385 --> 01:58:01.885 Alright? 01:58:02.265 --> 01:58:05.325 So this gets trapped, buried alive inside the person. 01:58:05.600 --> 01:58:06.100 Alright? 01:58:06.240 --> 01:58:15.760 And if they have, any movement of sexual feelings or, god forbid, masturbation, which is a sin. 01:58:15.760 --> 01:58:16.080 Yep. 01:58:16.080 --> 01:58:16.560 Mortally. 01:58:16.560 --> 01:58:17.040 Sinful. 01:58:17.040 --> 01:58:17.440 Yep. 01:58:17.440 --> 01:58:18.080 In freedom. 01:58:18.080 --> 01:58:18.580 Okay? 01:58:18.880 --> 01:58:20.900 But if they do that, they panic. 01:58:21.485 --> 01:58:34.365 Even if they have the feeling or if they even end up masturbating or whatever it is, they have to right away run the confessional because they because that natural sexual drive that god gave each human being has to be experienced in the body. 01:58:34.365 --> 01:58:36.625 Remember, we talked about somatic experiencing. 01:58:37.290 --> 01:58:39.070 These have to be felt in the body. 01:58:39.210 --> 01:58:47.870 And if it's not, it gets cut off because of fear of offending God or fear of God's punishment or God won't love me anymore if I do this. 01:58:48.330 --> 01:58:57.575 Then it's gonna eventually, like a a kettle boiling and the lid is sealed shut, it's eventually going to come out. 01:58:57.575 --> 01:58:59.835 It's quite the the theory is quite simple. 01:58:59.975 --> 01:59:03.035 You repress something, eventually, something has to come out. 01:59:03.255 --> 01:59:03.575 Right? 01:59:03.575 --> 01:59:04.135 And it does. 01:59:04.135 --> 01:59:05.975 It comes out in the form of of addiction. 01:59:05.975 --> 01:59:18.350 And if they're raised in a very scrupulous, rigid Catholic upbringing environment that was hyper religious, a little bit too where the body and the emotions were not accepted. 01:59:18.650 --> 01:59:25.685 And sexuality was, you know, taboo, and and they were taught not to experience or feel sexuality. 01:59:25.745 --> 01:59:27.845 They weren't educated on this by the parent. 01:59:27.905 --> 01:59:29.265 Parents can't be blamed for this. 01:59:29.265 --> 01:59:30.305 They just don't know. 01:59:30.305 --> 01:59:30.785 Okay? 01:59:30.785 --> 01:59:37.860 They don't know because of the environment of centuries of of the the fear of the fierce and sin. 01:59:37.860 --> 01:59:38.100 Yeah. 01:59:38.100 --> 01:59:39.160 We have to avoid it. 01:59:39.540 --> 01:59:43.080 But they would repress all these emotions, anger, sadness. 01:59:43.380 --> 01:59:43.780 Okay? 01:59:43.780 --> 01:59:45.460 Talk about the inauthentic self. 01:59:45.460 --> 01:59:50.215 They are not authentic at all because they repressed their sexual drive. 01:59:50.435 --> 01:59:58.215 So whenever they ever they act out or they feel something that will be contrary they think would be contrary to the will of God, they run to the confessional. 01:59:59.075 --> 01:59:59.575 Okay? 01:59:59.635 --> 02:00:03.990 Or they, they're just terrified, and they can't even approach God. 02:00:04.050 --> 02:00:04.550 Okay? 02:00:05.170 --> 02:00:06.770 So they shut it all down. 02:00:06.770 --> 02:00:13.970 So they they live like a robot as a as a Catholic person, but in a robot in a robot type form. 02:00:13.970 --> 02:00:15.670 They're disconnected from cells. 02:00:17.105 --> 02:00:18.705 So they and so you live this way. 02:00:18.705 --> 02:00:21.605 This is the nature of of the scrupulous scrupulous person. 02:00:22.065 --> 02:00:22.565 Okay? 02:00:22.785 --> 02:00:24.805 Remember, reason is meant to guide the emotions. 02:00:25.345 --> 02:00:25.825 Okay? 02:00:25.825 --> 02:00:28.705 Reason and will is meant to guide the emotions. 02:00:28.705 --> 02:00:31.080 This is Saint Thomas Aquinas one zero one. 02:00:31.380 --> 02:00:31.880 Okay? 02:00:31.940 --> 02:00:33.080 Emotions are subservient. 02:00:33.300 --> 02:00:34.500 Sexual feelings, all these. 02:00:34.500 --> 02:00:36.100 These are good things that god gave us. 02:00:36.100 --> 02:00:37.140 Our emotions are good. 02:00:37.140 --> 02:00:40.920 Remember, our sexual feelings are good, normal, healthy. 02:00:41.300 --> 02:00:44.315 What we do with it, that's that's the that's the issue. 02:00:44.315 --> 02:00:54.635 And if we feel it too intensely and the scrupulous person raised in a very rigid scrupulous neurotic environment growing up, they're gonna repress their sexual they're gonna repress it. 02:00:54.635 --> 02:01:01.370 And if they act out on it or feel it, they're going to have or there's your DSM, your anxiety disorder. 02:01:01.590 --> 02:01:03.450 Your major anxiety disorder. 02:01:03.590 --> 02:01:04.070 Okay? 02:01:04.070 --> 02:01:05.750 That's where your anxiety comes from. 02:01:05.750 --> 02:01:06.970 That's one of the sources. 02:01:07.990 --> 02:01:09.850 Anxiety largely has to do with repression. 02:01:10.070 --> 02:01:10.390 Okay? 02:01:10.390 --> 02:01:12.650 And repression is an unconscious process. 02:01:12.765 --> 02:01:14.065 It's something that's automatic. 02:01:14.765 --> 02:01:15.005 Okay? 02:01:15.005 --> 02:01:20.385 And that's based on a faulty belief system that I mentioned a while ago, like, way back. 02:01:20.765 --> 02:01:21.165 Okay? 02:01:21.165 --> 02:01:22.545 On a faulty belief system. 02:01:22.845 --> 02:01:23.325 Okay? 02:01:23.325 --> 02:01:25.665 That somehow sex is dirty and sex is sinful. 02:01:25.805 --> 02:01:35.380 Well, if you're raised with that mentality, that label sex is sinful or pleasure is sinful, what are the what are the if they are taught that, they're gonna internalize that. 02:01:35.380 --> 02:01:37.540 And then if they feel it, they're gonna act out. 02:01:37.540 --> 02:01:43.955 Or they're going to run to the confessional or they're going to beat themselves with a rod or whatever to do penance on whatever. 02:01:44.015 --> 02:01:49.695 That does not doesn't have to be that extreme, but it's the it comes out as anxiety and tremendous fear. 02:01:49.695 --> 02:01:52.575 And the sort the source of anxiety is is fear. 02:01:52.575 --> 02:01:53.075 Okay? 02:01:53.455 --> 02:01:54.515 Fear is the emotion. 02:01:55.215 --> 02:01:56.670 And fear is not a bad thing. 02:01:56.830 --> 02:01:57.230 Okay? 02:01:57.230 --> 02:02:02.290 God gave fear to deal with situations that we need to react to immediately. 02:02:02.750 --> 02:02:03.250 Okay? 02:02:04.110 --> 02:02:06.270 Fear saving one's life or whatever. 02:02:06.270 --> 02:02:06.770 Okay? 02:02:07.230 --> 02:02:08.190 Fear has a purpose. 02:02:08.190 --> 02:02:10.425 All emotions have a purpose that god gave them to us. 02:02:10.505 --> 02:02:10.745 Okay. 02:02:10.745 --> 02:02:14.285 So that's this is, through the works of mortification therapy. 02:02:14.425 --> 02:02:21.165 If you wanna look at mortification therapy, I think that's probably the best treatment for this on dealing with scrupulosity. 02:02:21.865 --> 02:02:23.325 There are others as well. 02:02:24.950 --> 02:02:35.690 Santa, I think, wrote a book on scrupulosity, but I think the work of Anna Turo, father Dunstie on and Conrad Barres on how to deal with the scrupulous person. 02:02:36.310 --> 02:02:40.965 And that's where you get your priest crisis because the priest many priests repress their sexuality. 02:02:40.965 --> 02:02:49.225 They're not they're not there's no psychological chastity happening within them because they themselves are scrupulous. 02:02:49.445 --> 02:02:50.185 They're lonely. 02:02:50.245 --> 02:02:57.510 They act out their loneliness, and they seldom create, commit heinous acts against children, against seminarians. 02:02:58.290 --> 02:03:03.590 This is what this is why this is happening because there's not enough education on this. 02:03:06.005 --> 02:03:08.025 So there's the long short of scrupulosity. 02:03:10.245 --> 02:03:12.325 So So Mortification therapy. 02:03:12.325 --> 02:03:13.545 Mortification therapy. 02:03:13.605 --> 02:03:15.365 If you wanna remember that, look that up. 02:03:15.365 --> 02:03:15.765 Okay? 02:03:15.765 --> 02:03:16.265 Good. 02:03:16.725 --> 02:03:17.045 Yes. 02:03:17.045 --> 02:03:17.445 Okay. 02:03:17.445 --> 02:03:17.765 Good. 02:03:17.765 --> 02:03:18.425 I'm sorry. 02:03:19.210 --> 02:03:19.450 No. 02:03:19.450 --> 02:03:20.010 It's okay. 02:03:20.010 --> 02:03:21.150 Sorry about that, Peter. 02:03:21.610 --> 02:03:23.210 Last question Okay. 02:03:23.370 --> 02:03:27.550 Is is scrupulosity always based in sex or sexuality? 02:03:28.010 --> 02:03:30.730 Is it based in any other religious beliefs? 02:03:30.730 --> 02:03:36.435 For context, I have a client that experiences scrupulosity and has never mentioned sex. 02:03:38.175 --> 02:03:41.135 Never it probably depends if the person never mentioned sex. 02:03:41.135 --> 02:03:46.515 Maybe the sex is sexual feelings are repressed or the sexual issue is not a sexual problem. 02:03:46.575 --> 02:03:51.810 It could be some emotional problem that's happening. 02:03:51.810 --> 02:03:52.530 It could be anger. 02:03:52.530 --> 02:03:53.430 It could be sadness. 02:03:53.490 --> 02:03:55.030 It could be whatever that's repressed. 02:03:55.250 --> 02:03:57.510 It could be their conscience that's repressed. 02:03:57.890 --> 02:03:59.750 That can also cause a scrupulosity. 02:04:01.595 --> 02:04:08.335 So if you're once in engaged in sin, they'll repress their conscience, and that'll bring about scrupulosity as well. 02:04:08.715 --> 02:04:13.755 Or maybe this person not connected to their sexual feelings, and so they're not able to they don't need to talk about it. 02:04:13.755 --> 02:04:17.010 But they're probably so deeply repressed that they're not talking about it. 02:04:17.010 --> 02:04:18.610 But it doesn't have to be just sexual feelings. 02:04:18.610 --> 02:04:21.350 It could be any of the emotions that can be repressed. 02:04:21.570 --> 02:04:24.070 Usually, it's fear repressing anger. 02:04:24.770 --> 02:04:25.170 Okay. 02:04:25.170 --> 02:04:27.110 Fear acts as a repressing emotion. 02:04:27.330 --> 02:04:28.710 Fear represses anger. 02:04:29.170 --> 02:04:31.595 Fear represses, what, despair. 02:04:31.895 --> 02:04:33.675 Fear can repress desire. 02:04:34.615 --> 02:04:53.630 Example, sexual feelings or love or fear is the culprit that does the repressing, and then you get the repressed, e d, repressed emotion underneath that that is buried alive, and it's not integrated and regulated with the psyche, with the soul because the fear is so intense. 02:04:53.850 --> 02:05:06.685 Again, it doesn't have to be sexuality, but usually, scrupulosity is the fear of sexuality because of the teachings that were not properly, explained or dispelled over this over the centuries. 02:05:08.105 --> 02:05:09.645 I hope that helps. 02:05:10.220 --> 02:05:25.875 Again, if maybe it'd be good if you guys looked at, barsinstitute.com, baarsinstitute.com, baars,basinboy,aarsinstitute.com. 02:05:26.275 --> 02:05:36.055 And there's a section there on obsessive compulsive disorder, and that would be the the DSM almost equivalent to, scrupulosity, scrupulosity of a religious nature. 02:05:37.235 --> 02:05:38.375 I hope that helps. 02:05:40.970 --> 02:05:43.370 And that rounds it out. 02:05:43.370 --> 02:05:46.330 Thank you for everyone for joining us this evening. 02:05:46.330 --> 02:05:49.950 We've, been online for two hours now. 02:05:50.010 --> 02:05:50.810 I'm so sorry. 02:05:50.810 --> 02:05:57.265 I love it that everyone loved Peter's this is a series of webinars. 02:05:57.565 --> 02:05:59.105 Peter was our first one. 02:05:59.245 --> 02:06:02.605 We will have two more, one on the fifteenth and one on the twenty fifth. 02:06:02.605 --> 02:06:05.985 We can certainly email everyone that has attended today's webinar. 02:06:07.190 --> 02:06:16.170 It is part of our mental health awareness campaign of unlock loneliness, so we will touch on different subjects that have to do with loneliness. 02:06:17.670 --> 02:06:30.775 We are also offering, prayer intentions that can be submitted anonymously through our website, and they will be offered in our livestream mass on May 15, which is the feast day of saint Dymphna. 02:06:31.315 --> 02:06:34.535 She is the saint, the patroness of mental health. 02:06:34.800 --> 02:06:53.065 And so I will be more than happy to share that link with you as well the livestream link of the mass where prayer intentions for either yourself or loved ones can be submitted anonymously, and I will be more than happy to share the upcoming webinars, one on May 15 and the other on May 25. 02:06:53.685 --> 02:07:01.625 Please use the hashtag unlock loneliness, to support raising awareness for mental health awareness month, which is the month of May. 02:07:01.765 --> 02:07:12.500 And thank you, Peter, for your time, your expertise, your experience, your wealth of experience, and, expertise that you've shared this evening with us. 02:07:12.500 --> 02:07:16.280 And from all the comments, I will share them with you later, Peter. 02:07:17.655 --> 02:07:18.555 Many praises. 02:07:19.335 --> 02:07:20.315 This was amazing. 02:07:20.375 --> 02:07:22.395 Please do this again with Peter sometime. 02:07:22.695 --> 02:07:23.895 We certainly will. 02:07:23.895 --> 02:07:26.475 Victoria, we will invite Peter again. 02:07:27.335 --> 02:07:28.955 Lou Anne, thank you so much. 02:07:29.015 --> 02:07:31.115 Thank you so much for the wonderful presentation. 02:07:32.030 --> 02:07:33.230 Thanks, Peter, for staying. 02:07:33.230 --> 02:07:37.570 We've had a lot of people hold, hang on, with us for these two hours. 02:07:37.790 --> 02:07:38.670 Thank you, everybody. 02:07:38.670 --> 02:07:39.870 It was amazing, Peter. 02:07:39.870 --> 02:07:41.410 So any last words, Peter? 02:07:42.321 --> 02:07:44.241 Just thank everybody for hanging in there. 02:07:44.241 --> 02:07:49.141 I know it's long, and, thank you for your questions, and I hope I did some justice to your questions.