WEBVTT 00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:15.060 Welcome to the Call to Flourish podcast sponsored by Divine Mercy University. 00:00:15.495 --> 00:00:16.715 My name is Thomas Kronquist. 00:00:16.855 --> 00:00:21.415 I'm your cohost with father Charles Sikorsky, the president of Divine Mercy University. 00:00:21.415 --> 00:00:22.795 Father, how are you doing today? 00:00:23.335 --> 00:00:24.695 I'm doing wonderfully, Tom. 00:00:24.695 --> 00:00:25.515 How are you? 00:00:25.655 --> 00:00:26.135 Very good. 00:00:26.135 --> 00:00:26.695 Very good. 00:00:26.695 --> 00:00:34.370 We are going to be speaking again with, Ian Masson, who is the director of the IPS center here at the university. 00:00:35.070 --> 00:00:43.090 And, on another very interesting topic today, we're gonna be talking about, parenting skills for reducing children's anxiety. 00:00:43.150 --> 00:00:46.775 And I think that's having a number of children myself, seven children. 00:00:46.775 --> 00:00:49.415 I I'm very interested to hear what, Ian has to say. 00:00:49.415 --> 00:00:58.315 So for those who didn't hear his first podcast that we we did, can you give us Ian, first of all, welcome to the Cult to Flourish podcast. 00:00:58.470 --> 00:01:08.650 Can you give us a little bit of background, your your educational background and how you became involved with psychology and the, IPS center, Divine Mercy University and the IPS center? 00:01:09.110 --> 00:01:09.610 Absolutely. 00:01:09.750 --> 00:01:09.990 Yeah. 00:01:09.990 --> 00:01:11.025 Good to be back. 00:01:11.105 --> 00:01:45.435 So, I'm as as as you mentioned, I'm the director of the IPS Center for Psychological Services, and we are the on-site training facility, that is affiliated with the university where the doctoral students at the university come and start gaining experience, you know, and how to actually work with clients, how to start putting into practice this model, this Catholic Christian meta model of the person that they've been learning about, and what impact does that have practically speaking, and how you approach a client in a therapy session. 00:01:46.135 --> 00:01:49.515 So I myself am actually a graduate of Divine Mercy University. 00:01:49.575 --> 00:02:03.970 I was here from, 2010 to 2013 and graduated with my master's in clinical psychology and went on to become a licensed professional counselor, in the state of Virginia. 00:02:04.670 --> 00:02:33.460 And I was prior to my position, as director of the IPS center, I was practicing as a licensed professional counselor at a mental health agency in my hometown doing a lot of general work kind of with clients, but specifically focused a lot on working with children and teens, you know, who might be experiencing emotional difficulties, trauma, stressful transitions, things like that. 00:02:33.760 --> 00:02:38.820 You know, there's one other benefit that probably the biggest benefit I remember even when he was here as a student. 00:02:39.605 --> 00:02:43.145 But, you also met your wife here while you were studying, didn't you? 00:02:43.285 --> 00:02:43.605 Yes. 00:02:43.605 --> 00:02:44.085 I did. 00:02:44.085 --> 00:02:44.325 Yes. 00:02:44.325 --> 00:02:52.245 My wife and I actually, were in the same class together, and we, we always joke. 00:02:52.245 --> 00:03:02.270 It was one of the funny things was, in our child therapy class, which was taught by doctor Nordling, it's, you know, child centered play therapy is what we were learning how to do. 00:03:02.270 --> 00:03:11.285 And so we joke that our relationship kind of, you know, grew from the the practice play therapy sessions that we were doing, in class together. 00:03:11.745 --> 00:03:12.065 Yeah. 00:03:12.065 --> 00:03:15.025 You're not the only one that's been it's one of the benefits here at DMU. 00:03:15.025 --> 00:03:21.265 We've had several I mean, almost every year, there's a different couple that, times the knot because they've met here. 00:03:21.265 --> 00:03:23.765 I don't know if it's all about doctor Nordling's class. 00:03:23.820 --> 00:03:26.640 But you also now you have how many children right now yourself? 00:03:26.940 --> 00:03:35.680 So I father of five children on earth, two in heaven, and my kids range in ages from nine to one. 00:03:36.185 --> 00:03:37.145 So To one. 00:03:37.145 --> 00:03:38.765 So Tom has seven children. 00:03:38.825 --> 00:03:40.765 Ian's got five, two and seven. 00:03:41.545 --> 00:03:44.425 And so I feel totally unqualified to participate in this. 00:03:44.425 --> 00:03:49.725 I'm gonna let you guys discuss a little bit, child anxiety. 00:03:50.580 --> 00:03:51.860 It's interesting you mentioned that. 00:03:52.020 --> 00:03:59.620 I met my wife here when I anybody is, you you meet some wonderful people at Divine Mercy University. 00:03:59.620 --> 00:04:00.500 So there's Yes. 00:04:00.500 --> 00:04:01.060 You do. 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:03.240 Work here or you study here. 00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:14.355 But children's anxiety, when I saw this topic, my interest immediately, peaked, because we've talked in our in our first podcast with you. 00:04:14.355 --> 00:04:21.480 We talked a lot about, anxiety and stress and but a lot of focus on adults and what adults are experiencing. 00:04:21.860 --> 00:04:27.560 Children, you know, I know from experience, it's it they live in different worlds and and and rightly so. 00:04:27.940 --> 00:04:38.855 But just can you describe some of the, normal, children's anxieties that that they face and and how, some of them might become problematic? 00:04:39.075 --> 00:04:43.015 I know that's a big question, but I'll I'll just let you go where you wanna go with that. 00:04:43.075 --> 00:04:43.475 Sure. 00:04:43.475 --> 00:04:43.975 Sure. 00:04:44.600 --> 00:04:46.040 Well, I mean, you're right. 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:49.400 Children do live kind of in in their in different worlds. 00:04:49.400 --> 00:05:06.295 The the stresses, the anxieties that they experience are, not the same that we would experience as adults, but they're not immune to, the impact of well, really kind of what we've been going through. 00:05:06.295 --> 00:05:06.775 You know? 00:05:06.775 --> 00:05:15.220 So if you think about the past couple years, how there's been changes in structure and routine, There's been loss of life because of pan the pandemic. 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:18.260 Maybe there's uncertainty with jobs, finances. 00:05:19.280 --> 00:05:22.820 Now we have in the midst of a war that's having worldwide repercussions. 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:28.905 So children and teens have not been immune to the effects of these events. 00:05:30.565 --> 00:05:37.865 And, you know, even before the pandemic, the CDC noted, you know, that anxiety was on the rise, in children and teens. 00:05:38.645 --> 00:05:49.580 So there are some that tend to be a little more, I guess, in in terms of what specifically, children might experience, with regards to anxiety. 00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:51.660 Some of them are similar to adults. 00:05:51.720 --> 00:06:08.425 So there's something called generalized anxiety disorder, which is kind of this almost excessive pervasive worry that occurs more often than more often than not, and it's kind of a vague, not really sure what it is that's, bothering me. 00:06:09.970 --> 00:06:33.085 But there's also, one of the ones that's often seen in children, separation anxiety disorder, and that's a more marked and persistent fear that is, kinda, you know, more excessive, kind of unreasonable, about maybe the the loss of or being separated from those to whom the child is attached. 00:06:34.425 --> 00:06:37.485 There's also, specific phobias. 00:06:37.625 --> 00:06:47.470 Those might be more, you know, related anxiety or fear response that's tied to a specific object or situation. 00:06:47.530 --> 00:06:50.910 So, you know, arachnophobia, the fear spiders sort of situation. 00:06:52.090 --> 00:07:21.980 And then there's actually panic disorder as well, which is where you can have recurrent panic attacks, which is more defined as, like, this really abrupt intense surge of fear that kind of, like, reaches a peak within minutes and might look like, you know, pounding heart, sweating, you know, chest pain, kind of maybe a feeling of choking, numbness, feeling dizzy, or even abdominal distress. 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:33.215 And so these are some of the things actually that, you know, both children and teens can experience in response to some of the stress and anxiety that they've been experiencing in the past couple years. 00:07:33.675 --> 00:07:45.230 One of the things I've noticed with my children, and something that was exacerbated during the pandemic is their reliance on electronic forms of entertainment and communication. 00:07:45.850 --> 00:08:04.325 Certainly during the pandemic, you know, schoolwork my my children are homeschooled, but schoolwork, communication with relatives, cousins, friends, they really highly dependent on computers, different electronic, means. 00:08:04.325 --> 00:08:06.485 I I call it jumping from screen to screen. 00:08:06.485 --> 00:08:20.490 I think in moderation, maybe, but in excess, it can be a source of anxiety because they're not developing the, the relationships they that they should be maybe as as as children. 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:22.250 Can you speak to that a little bit? 00:08:22.490 --> 00:08:26.595 That highlights, I think, two really important kind of dynamics. 00:08:27.135 --> 00:08:30.675 On the one hand and and you're right. 00:08:31.855 --> 00:08:40.230 Social media and just a general kind of we've been more plugged in as a culture over the past couple years, So there's this is getting exacerbated. 00:08:40.610 --> 00:08:51.935 So on the one hand, it's very hard to read social cues when you're in an online interaction with someone. 00:08:52.195 --> 00:09:01.655 So there's a lot that gets lost when you're interacting over screens or by text messaging or messaging in social media. 00:09:02.860 --> 00:09:09.840 So that ambiguity and that, you know, kind of uncertainty breeds anxiety in our kids. 00:09:09.980 --> 00:09:22.415 There's, especially as as they get older and towards teenage, you know, adolescence, there's they already have a a sense of maybe worry about how other people are going to perceive them. 00:09:22.635 --> 00:09:27.695 And when they don't have that direct feedback that occurs in person, that can be exacerbated. 00:09:28.955 --> 00:09:39.620 Now on the flip side, kind of one interesting dynamic that's been occurring as in some areas things have been loosening up and kind of getting back more into face to face. 00:09:40.400 --> 00:09:48.635 There's actually more anxiety in face to face interactions because they've been relying on these forms of communication and interaction. 00:09:49.495 --> 00:10:04.650 So anecdotally, for example, I was, talking to a a campus minister who said, you know, in talking with new college students who have been coming, they have difficulty maintaining eye contact. 00:10:04.650 --> 00:10:09.310 Like, it's it's just the their anxiety in social interactions is very difficult. 00:10:09.690 --> 00:10:14.490 And I'll talk to them about, oh, they they were having this conflict with their friend, and he's talking to them about it. 00:10:14.490 --> 00:10:15.470 And it comes out. 00:10:15.965 --> 00:10:17.985 He asks, well, did you talk to them? 00:10:19.005 --> 00:10:20.385 And they said, oh, yeah. 00:10:20.525 --> 00:10:24.465 But then come to find out that by talk, they actually meant text. 00:10:24.525 --> 00:10:27.825 And so there's so much that gets lost. 00:10:28.045 --> 00:10:42.040 Again, we we rely on our bodies to get that kind of direct feedback, But now having that direct feedback is a source of anxiety for children and teens as well because they're not used to how to navigate some of those situations. 00:10:43.300 --> 00:10:44.660 I've definitely seen that. 00:10:44.660 --> 00:10:45.620 Definitely seen that. 00:10:45.620 --> 00:10:53.655 They're more comfortable in front of a screen than at times than being face to face with with others. 00:10:53.795 --> 00:10:54.195 You know? 00:10:54.195 --> 00:10:55.655 And Absolutely. 00:10:56.435 --> 00:11:04.030 Being in front of a screen, if you're, you know, texting or messaging, it actually it requires less risk. 00:11:04.490 --> 00:11:12.510 Like, making friends face to face requires more risk because, you know, there's that possibility that you might get rejected. 00:11:13.370 --> 00:11:17.525 But on the other hand, like, that's actually that can actually be helpful. 00:11:17.525 --> 00:11:19.285 You know, we learn then how to navigate. 00:11:19.285 --> 00:11:23.065 Like, not everybody's necessarily going to like us, and and that's okay. 00:11:24.165 --> 00:11:32.120 The the relationships that, occur on social media or online tend to be much more shallow. 00:11:32.660 --> 00:11:39.880 And so first off, like, there's, there's more of a sense of, like, maybe imposter syndrome. 00:11:39.940 --> 00:11:42.280 You know, you present yourself kind of a certain way. 00:11:43.115 --> 00:11:46.075 I wonder how many people like me or like kind of my page. 00:11:46.075 --> 00:11:48.235 You know, what is my kind of, like, images presenting? 00:11:48.235 --> 00:11:55.695 All of these are kind of, like, sources of anxiety when you're interacting on a screen versus when you're interacting in person. 00:11:56.370 --> 00:12:01.430 And I'm thinking that, some of these, you talk about impersonator syndrome. 00:12:01.890 --> 00:12:02.390 Mhmm. 00:12:02.770 --> 00:12:16.255 The the what my children or other children are are seeing is is unreal, and their their expectations about themselves might be in reference to what they see. 00:12:16.715 --> 00:12:25.430 So, you know, I'm not like this person who, might not really be what what they say they are. 00:12:25.430 --> 00:12:25.830 You know? 00:12:25.830 --> 00:12:30.870 And and and it's not a it's not a valid yardstick to measure oneself with. 00:12:30.870 --> 00:12:31.530 You know? 00:12:32.070 --> 00:12:32.710 It's not. 00:12:32.710 --> 00:12:34.310 But it it you're exactly right. 00:12:34.310 --> 00:12:35.990 It is what they go off of. 00:12:35.990 --> 00:12:36.470 You know? 00:12:36.470 --> 00:12:43.695 You can have kids who agonize over what photos maybe that they're going to post to their social media account. 00:12:44.075 --> 00:12:57.050 And then they're maybe scrolling through feeds, and it just adds more pressure to as you see others living, quote, awesome lives even if they're not, you know, it's, again, just the image that's kind of being presented, the snapshot that's being presented. 00:12:58.470 --> 00:13:07.690 So that's one source that, again, of anxiety then of, like, you're kind of comparing and kind of trying to keep up or, you know, make yourself look like certain people. 00:13:08.765 --> 00:13:17.585 But then the other way that that can contribute to anxiety is that kind of behavior and that dynamic can get very lonely. 00:13:18.685 --> 00:13:21.885 Because then does anyone really know me? 00:13:21.885 --> 00:13:23.505 Do they know the real me? 00:13:24.110 --> 00:13:26.450 Or do they just know the image that I present? 00:13:27.550 --> 00:13:29.870 And that in and of itself is a source of anxiety. 00:13:29.870 --> 00:13:32.670 Like, what is the real me versus the image I present? 00:13:32.670 --> 00:13:34.670 And I might not even really kind of know that. 00:13:34.670 --> 00:14:00.200 What can parents do in that situation when you feel like would you if you recognize that maybe your children are getting kinda sucked into this, you know, Internet culture where some of these problems start to to happen, where they're, you know, you know, I want you easy thing is to say, well, just regulate, you know, how much they look at the computer and so forth. 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:11.365 But what when when this really starts to impact their self image and so what what what are good things for parents to do in that situation, you know, to help them have better real relationships? 00:14:12.625 --> 00:14:24.060 So in in my work with parents, one of the things that I I always emphasize to them is you are the best intervention for your child. 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:34.595 And what I mean by that is the oftentimes, what is going to help them most is a relationship or connection with you, with their parent. 00:14:35.135 --> 00:14:55.490 And not every kid or teen is going to like this, but that might mean carving out intentional time as a family, maybe with that particular child, you know, of, like, time with a parent, so that they can have an experience of we as parents kind of accepting and receiving them. 00:14:55.490 --> 00:14:55.650 Look. 00:14:55.650 --> 00:14:57.250 We just love you as you are. 00:14:57.250 --> 00:14:59.990 Like, you don't have to be a certain way with us. 00:15:00.290 --> 00:15:04.125 And then I think also, like you said, it's it's great. 00:15:04.125 --> 00:15:14.145 It's a it's a tricky point, not always, or trying to navigate, you know, limiting the screen time, but we have to put something good in place when we take something out. 00:15:14.445 --> 00:15:24.380 So what kind of what kind of other outlets or things am I encouraging, or facilitating, you know, in my child or teen? 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:33.725 You know, whether, again, that's family activities, whether that's activities in the community or church, you know, getting a job if you have a teen who's old enough, extracurriculars. 00:15:34.825 --> 00:15:44.605 Things like those can be very important because they allow for the face to face interaction that often might be lacking, you know, in in the online world. 00:15:45.290 --> 00:15:46.410 Ian, you're spot on. 00:15:46.410 --> 00:15:48.010 I I have seven children. 00:15:48.010 --> 00:15:51.530 I have age range 19 to four. 00:15:51.530 --> 00:15:52.570 We have Okay. 00:15:52.650 --> 00:15:53.210 Twin girls. 00:15:53.210 --> 00:15:55.150 The lord surprised us with twin girls. 00:15:56.170 --> 00:15:58.350 But they're they all all have different needs. 00:15:59.335 --> 00:16:11.550 And, you know, it it can be it can be really challenging to spend time, quality time with with all of them because, you know, one wants to, go play golf. 00:16:11.710 --> 00:16:13.790 One wants to build his go kart. 00:16:13.790 --> 00:16:16.910 One wants to, do something else. 00:16:16.910 --> 00:16:23.230 And my wife, you know, when when I'm when I'm thinking, well, I need to be doing this, you know, I've gotta finish this project. 00:16:23.230 --> 00:16:26.530 My wife has reminded me, Tom, they are the project. 00:16:27.075 --> 00:16:35.175 Just carving out quality time with each of them, listening to what they have to say because they wanna describe something they've done or something they're interested in. 00:16:35.795 --> 00:16:37.655 That's the most important thing I can do. 00:16:37.715 --> 00:16:37.955 Yeah. 00:16:37.955 --> 00:16:45.630 It's time consuming, but I I I you're spot on, and you you they really respond to that type of attention, interaction, and affirmation. 00:16:46.090 --> 00:16:47.870 So They really do. 00:16:47.930 --> 00:16:52.890 It's, and that can maybe especially for for us, you know, if you got seven, five kids. 00:16:52.890 --> 00:16:56.655 I mean, even if you just got three kids, you know, or two or one, it can be, wow. 00:16:56.655 --> 00:17:00.595 I've got a like, how much time am I supposed to be kind of giving to them? 00:17:00.815 --> 00:17:01.055 You know? 00:17:01.055 --> 00:17:03.795 So I'll tell parents some is better than none. 00:17:04.415 --> 00:17:11.440 And so if you can consistently kind of devote even, like, a ten or fifteen minute check-in a day Mhmm. 00:17:11.500 --> 00:17:17.360 You know, I mean, I again, kind of, like, looking at step looking at studies that have been done or, kind of anecdotally. 00:17:18.220 --> 00:17:24.460 Meg Meeker, I think, she's a a pediatrician, a doctor who works, you know, with with children and teens. 00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:38.875 And she was talking with, I guess, one young girl who was telling about her experiences with her dad and how the dad one of her highlights would be that the dad would come in right before bed and just sit on her bed and talk to her for, like, ten or fifteen minutes. 00:17:38.875 --> 00:17:47.850 And that would and then when talking to the mom, you know, she, doctor Meeker mentioned this, and the mom's like, oh, he only did that, like, a handful of times. 00:17:48.390 --> 00:18:01.755 So I think that just goes to show, like, the impact that really being intentional about doing those check ins can be, and it it doesn't have to be a lot on our part. 00:18:02.135 --> 00:18:10.440 One of the things that we did was we learned child centered play therapy, and we then approached our own kind of parenting and, of, like, okay. 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:21.560 Where each of our kids is going to have, quote, special playtime, which really is just being kind of in intentional about being present with the child and entering into their world. 00:18:21.560 --> 00:18:28.575 And, Tom, as you were saying, affirming them, kind of learning maybe what's important to them. 00:18:29.035 --> 00:18:34.575 And, yeah, it's it's it's been a huge blessing, I think, in in seeing our kids' development. 00:18:36.120 --> 00:18:44.680 One thing I've noticed, when I was growing up, way back in the day, we didn't have a lot of social media. 00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:51.635 We had, there were three television channels, VHS Yep. 00:18:51.715 --> 00:18:56.115 VHF channels as as they said if I remember, and a few fuzzy UHF channels. 00:18:56.435 --> 00:18:59.015 So there weren't a whole lot of television options. 00:18:59.475 --> 00:19:04.960 So I remember spending so much time outside on my bicycle playing games, sports. 00:19:05.180 --> 00:19:10.400 Just couldn't wait to get outside and to interact with my friends, peep people in the neighborhood. 00:19:11.020 --> 00:19:12.620 That's all changed that we've discussed. 00:19:12.620 --> 00:19:27.325 But one of the things, the, I think, the negative side effects of spending a lot of time in social media is kids are exposed to the news in ways that I was never exposed to growing up. 00:19:27.465 --> 00:19:34.270 Serious things, they see it, War, all kinds of tragedies, you know, school shootings that they they find it. 00:19:34.270 --> 00:19:36.510 They see it when they're in in the Internet. 00:19:36.510 --> 00:19:36.830 You know? 00:19:36.830 --> 00:19:38.690 It's it's a world in there. 00:19:38.750 --> 00:19:42.130 And they're asked and so they're being exposed to things that cause anxiety. 00:19:42.455 --> 00:19:45.035 And I I noticed my kids asking questions. 00:19:45.655 --> 00:19:49.655 I don't remember ever thinking along those lines when I was growing up. 00:19:49.655 --> 00:19:53.515 I I don't remember ever hearing about a shooting when I was young. 00:19:53.575 --> 00:20:00.260 I don't remember hearing about, you know, a lot of lot of different things that our kids are being exposed to almost on a daily basis. 00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:04.800 So how do, you know, how do parents navigate that? 00:20:04.800 --> 00:20:15.935 You know, dealing with answering answering very serious questions, adult questions, children, you know, experiencing trauma, anxiety from from what they're experiencing in social media. 00:20:17.035 --> 00:20:17.355 Yeah. 00:20:17.355 --> 00:20:23.115 I I think that is really something that can definitely exacerbate, and it's it's definitely a new challenge. 00:20:23.115 --> 00:20:33.510 I know even, my dad would comment about when he was growing up, you know, he'd he'd go out and he'd be out all morning, come back for lunch, and then go out for the rest of the day. 00:20:34.370 --> 00:20:39.010 And for me, you know, I had to we had to have a conversation with my one daughter. 00:20:39.010 --> 00:20:39.670 You know? 00:20:39.825 --> 00:20:44.865 It was, like, a day or two after the war in Ukraine had started, and she learned about it. 00:20:44.865 --> 00:20:50.325 And some of those things that you mentioned, like the, you know, school shootings, it's like they all of a sudden know. 00:20:51.505 --> 00:21:05.320 So and that's unfortunately, I mean, even if you have kids who aren't connected themselves, like, I mean, maybe your kids don't have devices, maybe they don't have social media accounts, but chances are the kids that they're around you. 00:21:05.620 --> 00:21:06.020 Mhmm. 00:21:06.020 --> 00:21:09.800 And so you can't really control what they learn from other people. 00:21:10.925 --> 00:21:28.240 So one of the best things that I found as, a parent is to first if we notice that our children are experiencing anxiety, really any strong emotion is to to listen to them and be with them. 00:21:29.180 --> 00:21:37.125 This might seem too simple, but children and teens are often used to being talked at. 00:21:37.685 --> 00:21:48.185 And so asking questions about what is bothering them, their thoughts, their feelings, and what is, you know, worrying them can allow them to express fears and concerns. 00:21:48.965 --> 00:22:00.850 And then consequently, those fears and concerns seem less overwhelming because our children then experience our presence, and they don't feel isolated in carrying some of those problems. 00:22:01.550 --> 00:22:02.370 That's helpful. 00:22:03.310 --> 00:22:15.395 Also, I I noticed my children being aware of and asking questions about moral issues that I was not even aware of when I was growing. 00:22:16.015 --> 00:22:25.290 You can go down to a list of the the different, hot button moral issues that adults are facing today, discussing today, etcetera. 00:22:26.550 --> 00:22:31.430 Children aware of those, not understanding them, asking questions about them. 00:22:31.430 --> 00:22:44.175 And I'm just wondering, you know, do you meet them at the level of their question, or is it something like, you know, you think, well, they're maybe they're not ready to to under to unpack this. 00:22:44.175 --> 00:22:44.915 You know? 00:22:45.860 --> 00:22:54.280 Is there any kind of way to gauge your response to those kind of, probing questions that you, you know, adults are wrestling with at this time? 00:22:54.820 --> 00:22:55.320 Absolutely. 00:22:55.780 --> 00:22:56.020 Right. 00:22:56.020 --> 00:23:11.220 And I think that's, it's almost kinda like an ongoing assessment in a way that we're doing as parents, right, of, like, how much not only how much can our can we share with our children, but how can we respond maybe to some of the things that they're learning in in sort of, like, an age appropriate way too. 00:23:12.180 --> 00:23:21.160 So I think I'd I'd like to maybe follow-up with so first, if we're going to sit and kind of ask them, you know, what's worrying or bothering them. 00:23:21.540 --> 00:23:29.975 The second part, when they're coming to us with questions or concerns, I think, would be to validate their emotions or maybe validate the concerns that they're experiencing. 00:23:30.835 --> 00:23:34.195 And so it can help to make empathic statements such as, okay. 00:23:34.195 --> 00:23:39.410 You're really scared, worried, etcetera, because fill in the blank. 00:23:40.830 --> 00:23:51.490 So statements like this, again, provide connection to the children who often feel alone, and they communicate to our kids that their experience is important to us. 00:23:51.870 --> 00:24:06.390 So I know, like, with my own kids, when I start trying to fix a situation or kind of just provide too much information, I can actually they can end they can end up getting wound up. 00:24:06.550 --> 00:24:08.650 And so that tends to be my first responses. 00:24:08.710 --> 00:24:08.950 Alright. 00:24:08.950 --> 00:24:12.810 I want to validate whatever the emotion or concern is that they're bringing to me. 00:24:13.510 --> 00:24:29.895 And then after I've listened to and maybe sat with my my kids for a while, then I can provide information, answers, or, you know, possible solutions, you know, calmly, accurately in a way that's developmentally appropriate. 00:24:30.675 --> 00:24:33.335 So that might take some assessment on our part as parents. 00:24:33.600 --> 00:24:39.540 And so it is okay to also say to be upfront and say, you know, I don't have an answer to that. 00:24:41.600 --> 00:24:46.420 But letting them know that you can find it find that out together if that would be appropriate. 00:24:47.115 --> 00:25:02.230 And, I think there's there's some wonderful resources online about, you know, having conversations with having conversations with kids about different topics, whether that were the coronavirus or war, you know, or other sources maybe of anxiety as well. 00:25:02.770 --> 00:25:10.610 But I would say that comes secondarily to the validating and showing empathy, because sometimes that's sufficient. 00:25:10.610 --> 00:25:12.790 Sometimes kids kind of have a question. 00:25:13.275 --> 00:25:16.715 And I've had my kids ask a question, and I give an answer, and then they're, oh, okay. 00:25:16.715 --> 00:25:17.935 And they just go off. 00:25:18.555 --> 00:25:18.795 You know? 00:25:18.795 --> 00:25:22.655 And they're they're more kind of curious about having somebody who they can kind of let go to.